Will SS be called due to my very crap suicide attempt?

[messedupagain95]

I 'attempted' suicide a few days ago. I won't go into all the details but felt so so so overwhelmed and crappy, also hadn't been taking my anti depressants for PND.

My DS was away with DP for the day. I had fought with DP that morning and basically said f*ck it they would be so much better off without me. So when they went out I cracked into the Christmas drink and thought of ways to go about it. My mum called, I told her what was going on. She couldn't get through to DP. She lives hours away so phoned the police, who came.

All went as well as it could until they were about to leave DP and DS arrived home. Police spoke to DP, said they will have to report that there is a child living in the house. But they will 'word it as best as they can' but it will be out of their control if 'it is passed on or not' that will be up to their higher ups.

DS was not here when I did anything. He was with an adult who cares and loves him.

I am not absolutely crapping myself the SS are going to come and take my child away. I've been reluctant to get MH help at all since having him as the MH services provided made me feel like if I wasn't coping they would take him away so I've basically lied about how I feel.

DP has been really good, said he didn't realise I felt this bad and what we can do to get me help. I've already reached out to a lot of good sources who helped me in the past.

Sorry for long post but didn't want to drip feed.

YABU - They won't take your child away
YANBU - They will take your child.

For you, OP.
Get well soon.
Be kind to yourself.

Well I think Social Services will be involved to see how they can support you to safeguard your child. If your mental health means you are actively suicidal then you must realise this is a risk to your child emotionally?
Try to seek help. Your more loved than you think and your child would suffer if you were to take your own life or even continue attempting to. God love you and your child, really feel for you.

Massive hugs OP.
I really hope you get better.

please please please do everything in your power to get better.

My mother had mental health issues and caused us all a lot of trauma. When she was good life was great. But when in crisis she would reach for the bottle and take an overdose. she had her stomach pumped several times.

Coming home from school to find your mum passed out on the sofa after an overdose is horrific.

My mum had no friends either so we’d have to call on neighbours if my stepdad wasnt about to sort it.

Wed then be on edge on the way home from school for weeks after not knowing what we were coming home too.

Tbf to my mum she did do AA and take medications but as soon as they started working she’d stop taking them and we’d go back to square 1

It was awful and my siblings have mental health issues and are all on antidepressants themselves (me included) and I believe this played a major role.

I don’t say that to make you feel awful but I say that to stress how important it is for you to get better before your baby is old enough to understand.

You CAN do this! Xxx

@SpiceAndCoffee I could have written your post. The nausea when reaching the end of the street on the way home from school. The absolute ball of dread when the end of the street became the end of the driveway. Opening the front door and playing the guessing game 'is mum going to be passed out on the couch today, or dead'. The power-walking almost running because if you walked home and she's dead, it'd be your fault because you might have just saved her if you were quicker getting home. Dropped out of school in the end as a result.

I'm so very sorry your experience was similar to mine. All the hard work put into healing in the world, doesn't completely heal the trauma. You have to re-learn life, relationships, and normal behaviour.

OP don't be afraid of help. I'd be afraid if you didn't seek it. I hope you can access the support you need.

OP, please don't bury your head in the sand; it's not going to help your MH or your life with a small child. They don't stay little and cute forever and each developmental stage brings its own challenges.
I had severe post partum depression and anxiety. I overdosed and drank alcohol to black out. I, too, had Social Services at my door.
I buried my head and did not tackle my multifaceted issues. And you know who suffered most? My DC, as my refusal to tell family the truth, and my husband enabling this by also keeping quiet, meant I didn't get better; I got worse. And the drinking got more frequent, and my connection with and parenting of my DC suffered (got worse).
It's not your fault that you're experiencing mental illness, but it is absolutely your responsibility to establish a network of support and accept offers of help and recommended strategies.
My refusal to address my issues resulted in my DC spending 9 months in foster care, so work on yourself AND with any agencies involved with your family. You owe it to yourself and your child.

It doesn't sound like you attempted it, only thought about it.
Anyway, I really hope you're ok and feeling better. Hope also that you're getting the support you need

@PotatoScollop You have literally just described the entire experience!!
Brought back a lot of memories.

Im sorry you went through this too. It really is a complicated trauma. The mix of love and intense rage I feel towards my mum even now is very complicated. She still pulls this shit on the odd occasion to this day! I hope your well x

@PotatoScollop @SpiceAndCoffee that sounds awful and no I do not want to do that to my DC at all. My mum was an alcoholic so I remember the feelings as a child not knowing which version of her I'd get. Tbf 80% of the time it was just the Maudling/ self pity/ you ruined my life version. She hasn't drank in about 3 years.

I don't think I am suicidal. I don't think I am depressed either. I don't really know what I am. Unhappy certainly but I think that is something deep inside. A part of me that has never been fully happy/ contented even though I do have a good life. Looking back now there was a lot of crap growing up, I was taken from my mum many times but not by SS just to other family members. When I'd get upset about it I would be told to be grateful I didn't end up in an orphanage and shut up, I was being a little drama queen. I do not want to do the same to my child.

I'm an only child, well sort of, I know I have half siblings but never met them. I've lost touch with most of my friends and I've made no friends up here. I felt very pathetic when the SS lady was pressing for the contact number for a friend and I couldn't supply one.

Tbh that sounds very like depression. It can present in lots of ways but long term pervasive sadness is one. If you see your GP to discuss it raise this. It is not necessary or inevitable to feel this way.

Depression is a bastard but treatable. . It sounds like you had a lot of childhood trauma to process too and caring for a young child may have triggered a lot of those feelings.Talking therapy, anti depressants, self care and time for yourself, support groups can all help. It is a serious illness and your GP will take it seriously - it's ok to ask for an urgent appointment to discuss this. There can be a wait for talking therapies and IF you decide to try anti depressants (that's absolutely your call, I am a stranger on the internet no idea if they would help you or if you want to take them) they will take a while to work. So the sooner you make a GP appointment the better.

It's completely normal not to have someone close at hand to call in an emergency - we didn't when our three were young. As they get older you get a network through playgroups, nursery, school etc but that takes a while to get to.

I imagine you feel as if the rug has been pulled from underneath you. Try to take comfort in the fact that it's a process and if you're open and honest you'll move through that process as quickly as possible. Seek help where you can. You do sound depressed and it can be so hard to identify it when you're trapped in it.

From my own perspective I went to the GP with severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts. After being properly medicated I am so much lighter and realise now i was also depressed. I honestly didn't feel it at the time. I was in a really bad place feeling overwhelmed by every aspect of my life. I now take vitamins alongside and have implemented lots of general wellness things as well as decluttering many aspects of my life. I couldn't even identify that I needed to do that before. I'm not saying this is what you need, or would work for you, just that once you have the right support, it is easier to see through the fog.