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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will SS be called due to my very crap suicide attempt?

60 replies

messedupagain95 · 22/12/2022 09:59

I 'attempted' suicide a few days ago. I won't go into all the details but felt so so so overwhelmed and crappy, also hadn't been taking my anti depressants for PND.

My DS was away with DP for the day. I had fought with DP that morning and basically said f*ck it they would be so much better off without me. So when they went out I cracked into the Christmas drink and thought of ways to go about it. My mum called, I told her what was going on. She couldn't get through to DP. She lives hours away so phoned the police, who came.

All went as well as it could until they were about to leave DP and DS arrived home. Police spoke to DP, said they will have to report that there is a child living in the house. But they will 'word it as best as they can' but it will be out of their control if 'it is passed on or not' that will be up to their higher ups.

DS was not here when I did anything. He was with an adult who cares and loves him.

I am not absolutely crapping myself the SS are going to come and take my child away. I've been reluctant to get MH help at all since having him as the MH services provided made me feel like if I wasn't coping they would take him away so I've basically lied about how I feel.

DP has been really good, said he didn't realise I felt this bad and what we can do to get me help. I've already reached out to a lot of good sources who helped me in the past.

Sorry for long post but didn't want to drip feed.

YABU - They won't take your child away
YANBU - They will take your child.

OP posts:
Whattheladybird · 22/12/2022 14:43

I accidentally voted, and voted the wrong way. You’ll still have your child and I very much hope you get the support you need soon.

TheShellBeach · 22/12/2022 14:43

I did this many years ago and nobody took my children away, OP.

I am so sorry you're feeling so bad. I hope you start to feel better soon.

TheShellBeach · 22/12/2022 14:44

Whattheladybird · 22/12/2022 14:43

I accidentally voted, and voted the wrong way. You’ll still have your child and I very much hope you get the support you need soon.

You can change your vote by clicking on the other option.

Eatentoomanyroses · 22/12/2022 14:45

They won’t. It won’t meet the threshold.

Pismascrescents · 22/12/2022 14:45

Bad news:- they always contact SS.
Good news- please don’t get offended But it wasn’t a serious attempt because you called your mother.
If they come, you might get access to help. I think it’s very unlikely they will take your kids.

AllOfThemWitches · 22/12/2022 14:45

They can't take children away just like that, there's nowhere to put them for a start.

VioletLemon · 22/12/2022 14:51

Sorry you're having such a traumatic time. Please don't hide MH issues, the pressure of hiding it makes it worse. Get on to your GP today, it's really really important you access your medication today and get prescribed something to calm you like diazepam. I've used crisis team and they are absolutely fantastic, just be honest. I had a young child at the time and was so ashamed his school would find out but they did and they were nothing but supportive. I got help and so can you. The professionals are experienced and can help you. Take the help and adjust your expectations for the next week or so, what matters is you being well, nothing else matters.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 22/12/2022 14:53

You poor thing OP. I didn't have PND but have had other MH issues and can totally empathise with how hard it is to get proper support and the fear of how people will view you needing help as a mum. It can definitely take some persistence to get proper support (rather than as you found people who just want to scare or shame you into getting better - absolutely doesn't work). Just to reiterate what other people have said though you absolutely won't have your child taken away. NO chance whatsoever. It's actually very difficult for single mums to get respite care when they're struggling with MH. In your situation where DS has a loving father at home to support both the child and you there is clearly no risk.

I know from experience that you'll wan to get better 'for DS' and of course you want to be a great mum but aside from DS you're a valuable human being in your own right. You're unwell and deserve treatment and to live a happy life. Good luck going forward!

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 22/12/2022 14:55

I attempted suicide whilst dc1 was in Nicu and I was still an in-patient in the maternity hospital. Was eventually diagnosed with pnd, postpartum psychosis and ptsd. No one was interested. On the negative side, based on my experience I think people are being naive about the support available.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 22/12/2022 14:58

They won't take your child but they will want to at least speak to you and make sure you are okay x

smileandsing · 22/12/2022 14:59

They won't take your child away because he has his father to care for him while you are clearly unwell. I am sorry you are suffering but a referral to social services may bring the support you need for your mental health. Social services will want to ensure that your child is safe and protected. If he were with you alone that might raise some issues, but your DP is there for him. Please seek and engage with any support you are offered. You need to get better for you and your family

iwillnotstaycalm · 22/12/2022 15:01

SS try to minimise the action taken that results in total loss of a child. Their ultimate goal is to work with you and your family to allow you to feel supported and heal. They aren't an enemy

MulledWineAndMingePies · 22/12/2022 15:02

1 made me feel like if I so much had a bad day SS would step in and take my child away so I stopped being honest and said everything was roses.

Can I ask what it was she said to make you feel that way?

MulledWineAndMingePies · 22/12/2022 15:02

iwillnotstaycalm · 22/12/2022 15:01

SS try to minimise the action taken that results in total loss of a child. Their ultimate goal is to work with you and your family to allow you to feel supported and heal. They aren't an enemy

Absolutely 100% this.

Freesia41 · 22/12/2022 15:11

They may call/pay a visit, but they're not going to take away your DS.

My sister in the past year has had severe MH issues, including multiple suicide attempts, self-harm, alcohol abuse and been sectioned several times.

SS were involved and paid a visit, but because she lived with her DH (and father of the children), they deemed him to be a 'protective presence', and they got discharged from SS involvement.

Freesia41 · 22/12/2022 15:14

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 22/12/2022 14:55

I attempted suicide whilst dc1 was in Nicu and I was still an in-patient in the maternity hospital. Was eventually diagnosed with pnd, postpartum psychosis and ptsd. No one was interested. On the negative side, based on my experience I think people are being naive about the support available.

Yes, this really. My sister was pretty much neglecting her children because of the severity of her MH issues, but because they had their father, SS deemed this good enough and haven't had any involvement since.

OllytheCollie · 22/12/2022 15:53

I really hope you get some good IRL support OP. You deserve it. IME it is very very rare for SS to become heavily involved with a family just because one parent has MH issues, especially if your partner is on hand to care too. They will be much more concerned if you are parenting alone or reluctant to seek help. I am really sorry anyone has made you feel if you ask for support your parenting will be called into question. All parents need support some times, I definitely do, asking for support should be seen as a good thing not a sign you aren't functioning. I work in MH but not in community MH services currently which I know are overstretched and hard to access which is probably why you got such a bad response. That is not your fault and does not mean you don't deserve good care.

Original poster
messedupagain95 · 23/01/2023 10:45

Update - does anyone know?

The SW doesn't want to close the case until she has spoken to a member of my family so that they know what is going on and can be there in case this happens again. Because ' DC safety is primary concern' I told her of course it is. She said I need a back up in case DP is away/ unable to come home if I need help and DC is in danger. DC was not with me when any of this happened.

My mum knows 90% of what has happened but I didn't tell her about SS. I don't want to tell her, also she is hours away so not really sure what she could do if I called in crisis. All my family live just as far away and as pathetic as it sounds I honestly have no friends locally, like not even 1. DP doesn't want to involve his family, they have a lot going on with terminal illness. I also do not want to involve them.

What happens if the case just stays open?

OP posts:
dustydewdrop · 23/01/2023 10:49

They won’t take your child away. They will have to meet with you though in response to the police report. But that’s not a negative thing as they may be able to provide support or point you in the right direction.

Original poster
messedupagain95 · 23/01/2023 10:57

I forgot to say, we did meet with social services. She made it sound on the day like she would be closing the case that all seemed well.

I was feeling really good but this has just turned me on my head. I gave her my GPs contact info and she has been in contact with the GP. I want it all to go away and never make such a stupid mistake again.

Typical me, it is making me want to run away! I won't I am a mother not and DC comes first. But if I could shut the door and never contact that woman again I would do it (she was a lovely lovely person I just feel so anxious about all of this it make me sick)

OP posts:
OllytheCollie · 23/01/2023 15:17

Looking at your original post did you not attend hospital after the first suicide attempt when the police attended? That would have automatically triggered a notification to your GP too. I am surprised if the police didn't encourage you to self-refer to the GP. I don't know if you or are not in touch with MH services currently, but if you are waiting for a referral this information would be important for services so they know to triage you correctly.

Your GP will not judge you. MH services will not judge you. Sadly feeling suicidal and attempting suicide are very common. Despair is an extreme but completely normal human emotion. Feeling it does not make you bad or make you a bad parent. Social services are right to want to ensure that you have a good safety plan in place, if you felt the same say again who could you turn to for help with DC? If not local friends a family member? It sounds like your Mum was effective at helping last time. I hope she wasn't judgemental, and I hope she would understand that social services are not judging you and are not going to remove your child, they just want to know you are both taking steps to keep you both safe in the future.

There is something called self-stigma where people experiencing mental health needs actually believe worse things about themselves because of the stigma associated with mental illness. I wonder if you are self-stigmatising and treating your actions as worse than others would see them? That will make it harder for you to seek help. But if you seek therapy one of the things I guarantee a therapist will emphasise is the importance of self-compassion. Lots of us struggle with this, particularly when we have young children but it is key self-care skill.

Iwasntgettingasandwich · 23/01/2023 15:25

I had the police arrive after a suicide attempt (they were lovely) and the crisis team and daily visits for a few days. If Social Srrvices were called no one told me or dh they were. Tbh, it is one of the reasons I held back how bad I was and tried to gloss it a bit with the mentalhealth teams, didn't want to cause any issues for my dds.

Take all the support you can get though OP, including from SS. Explain about your family and being in an area with no friends (incredibly common) and they will help you think of another plan if you get to that point again. Flowers

PotatoScollop · 23/01/2023 21:13

SS won't do a fucking thing.

They won't even if you're the sole carer for the children and your kids find you unconscious after a suicide attempt, and need to call the ambulance for you. They'll even let the kids stay in an empty house alone whilst the mother is doing an overnighter in hospital due to it. 3 times. Probably more if they had the chance.

I'm very sorry you are ill, I would not wish mental health problems on anyone, or those around them. Genuinely. But seriously, you have a responsibility to your child, and those around you, to seek help.

Please do so before you have children old enough to understand and be absolutely traumatised by it and pay the price into their adulthood.

No bashing - your child needs their mother. If not for you, seek help with both the drinking and mental health for them.

PotatoScollop · 23/01/2023 21:16

'What happens if the case just stays open?'

Then they are aware of the situation and can help your children should you decide to do this again.

Can I be honest? I wish somebody had reported it to SS when I was the child in this circumstance, albeit older. I could have done with the fucking help. If it was ever reported to SS, we never saw them once.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 23/01/2023 21:17

@messedupagain95 It can just stay open for a while. Don't worry. You won't be the only person without a close stand-in - some people don't have a close first-choice person; let alone a back up for if DP is away. You're doing just fine. Please don't stress.