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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this be too harsh a request?

77 replies

harrassedmumto3 · 21/12/2022 15:35

I have my 21 year old's boyfriend visiting us from France. He has been here for a month already and will return to France a couple of weeks after Christmas. It has all been going really well; I've gone out of my way to make him feel welcome and he's a great guest. He and my daughter are so happy to be together over Christmas for the first time.
I also have two younger daughters who have a thing about opening presents in front of others (I mean outside of our immediate family). It's just a teenage thing, I guess, as it makes them feel uncomfortable and awkward.
I have bought a small pile of gifts for daughter's boyfriend and will be making everyone a lovely meal on Christmas Day. It would never be my intention to make anyone feel left out.
But is there a tactful way in which he could be omitted from the present opening? Blush I know, I know ... I can hear for myself how this sounds when I write it down. But you get the gist.
I'm just trying to keep everyone happy. But this idea won't work, will it? Or can someone think outside of the box and come up with a solution?
Thanks Smile

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 21/12/2022 15:37

If they're teenagers I'm afraid they'll just have to suck it up and either wait or get on with it.

ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 21/12/2022 15:38

Can do informal opening of presents. So you're allowed to open one every now and then when you want to. That way the siblings can just choose a moment he's not around to open one and then they can come and show you/thank the giver.

Notanotherone5 · 21/12/2022 15:39

Ask your DD to take him out for a walk in the morning and the teenagers can open their presents then

you certainly can’t ask him to sit in the bedroom by himself while everyone else opens presents!

monicagellerbing · 21/12/2022 15:39

Your two younger daughters needs to grow up. How ridiculous, it's mean to ask him to stay upstairs just because of that! Stop mollycoddling them

Cwcwbird · 21/12/2022 15:40

Can't they just take their presents and open them somewhere else?

America12 · 21/12/2022 15:41

Sorry , no. They'll need to get on with it. Poor guy.

Whatdoyouthinkno · 21/12/2022 15:41

Your teenage DD’s need to get over themselves for a few minutes I think. It is awkward, I still find it awkward to this day but it’s just life.

Forestdweller11 · 21/12/2022 15:42

Surely by now he's not a stranger? I think they have a choice - open presents in company, or don't open them .

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 21/12/2022 15:42

Where do you have the presents? We have piles in our own spots around the front room. Shove dd's in a corner /side of the sofa.Unless SN it's opening gifts not suggesting they streak round the garden in front of the guest...

MrsBungle · 21/12/2022 15:43

For goodness sake they need to get over themselves! Let the poor guy join in on the family Christmas. He’s not a stranger, he’s been living with you for a month!

TeenDivided · 21/12/2022 15:44

Notanotherone5 · 21/12/2022 15:39

Ask your DD to take him out for a walk in the morning and the teenagers can open their presents then

you certainly can’t ask him to sit in the bedroom by himself while everyone else opens presents!

Assuming your DD understands her siblings, I would go with this too.

Merryoldgoat · 21/12/2022 15:44

I’m very accommodating usually, given I have two children with additional needs, but this isn’t something I’d accept.

I’d let everyone open on their rooms first thing like stockings or they open as a family.

There is no way I’d send him out.

TrentCrimm · 21/12/2022 15:46

If the presents aren't from him, will they be bothered?

My eldest two went through a phase of feeling really awkward opening presents in front of my husbands parents (the ones from them). I think it was because the IL's were so excited to give them and see their reactions that the kids felt really pressured to react the 'right' way. They were honestly not ungrateful or anything like that.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/12/2022 15:46

They are being a bit ridiculous. If people are uncomfortable with random things then they need to find a way to work at it rather than asking everyone else to modify their perfectly normal behaviour so they're not triggered.

If they really want to they could open some presents privately in their own rooms before coming downstairs or something. But it's up to them to find a solution that doesnt impact on the bf or exclude him, not you

Winter2020 · 21/12/2022 15:47

The teens could have their presents in their bedrooms on Christmas morning. Don't say too much or make it a thing. They can open them in their rooms or bring them down - just go with the flow.

NumberTheory · 21/12/2022 15:48

In general I would say it’s the sort of thing your DDs would be best encouraged to get over. Do you know what they are concerned about? Can you work with them on it before hand so they feel more comfortable? Would having a present each that they open with just you and their dad (if applicable) in your room help?

Tinkerbyebye · 21/12/2022 15:51

So what happens if they stay together, get married etc. Are you going to ask him to leave each time they come for Christmas?

time your younger children understand the world doesn’t revolve around them. I get they may be upset if they got underwear or something but no reason they can’t open presents together otherwise and you hold back any present you may feel could embarrass them

MeJane · 21/12/2022 15:52

But is there a tactful way in which he could be omitted from the present opening?
No. Either he's living there or he isn't.

Choconut · 21/12/2022 15:53

Having a child with ASD I can understand being uncomfortable with opening presents in front of others. I don't think their Christmas should be upset due to their sister having a guest.

I'm sure there's a way to keep them all happy and comfortable, talk to them all about it and find something that works for everyone. Maybe the younger dd's have some ideas about what would work for them.

Original poster
harrassedmumto3 · 21/12/2022 15:53

Thanks everyone. I think I've got the sense of perspective I needed Grin

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 21/12/2022 15:55

This seems fine to me. Do you have a cupboard under the stairs or a shed? I suggest locking him in there for a few hours with a bag of crisps and a bucket for emergencies and opening the presents.

A merry Christmas to one and all!

Waitingfordecember · 21/12/2022 15:56

You could get up really early and do your younger children’s presents in your room? If SEN is a factor, I’m sure your daughter can explain. If not you could pass it of as present opening not being a big deal in your family or something? Maybe give them their gifts to open in bed too?

I don’t think there’s a polite way of excluding him from a communal area though (and obviously you can’t ask your older daughter to leave him alone to join in).

Stompythedinosaur · 21/12/2022 15:59

You can't possibly ask him to go out or sit in a different room, that would be incredibly rude!

I think, if the issue is your dd's, that they could take their things away to open privately.

dontgobaconmyheart · 21/12/2022 16:02

I think you know there isn't OP, it would be horribly awkward behaviour wouldn't it.

Perhaps have everyone just open them at the same time with the TV on so everyone is focused on themselves, or ask your other DD's to open a couple with family and do the rest on their own later if they feel that strongly. I can appreciate feeling awkward but ultimately it is a bit of a life skill that needs to be learned isn't it, graciously accepting gifts from people and not offending them as a result of your own issues has a knack to it.

NoAlexa · 21/12/2022 16:04

Harsh, but I agree with this