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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this be too harsh a request?

77 replies

harrassedmumto3 · 21/12/2022 15:35

I have my 21 year old's boyfriend visiting us from France. He has been here for a month already and will return to France a couple of weeks after Christmas. It has all been going really well; I've gone out of my way to make him feel welcome and he's a great guest. He and my daughter are so happy to be together over Christmas for the first time.
I also have two younger daughters who have a thing about opening presents in front of others (I mean outside of our immediate family). It's just a teenage thing, I guess, as it makes them feel uncomfortable and awkward.
I have bought a small pile of gifts for daughter's boyfriend and will be making everyone a lovely meal on Christmas Day. It would never be my intention to make anyone feel left out.
But is there a tactful way in which he could be omitted from the present opening? Blush I know, I know ... I can hear for myself how this sounds when I write it down. But you get the gist.
I'm just trying to keep everyone happy. But this idea won't work, will it? Or can someone think outside of the box and come up with a solution?
Thanks Smile

OP posts:
toffeeapple77 · 21/12/2022 16:08

monicagellerbing · 21/12/2022 15:39

Your two younger daughters needs to grow up. How ridiculous, it's mean to ask him to stay upstairs just because of that! Stop mollycoddling them

Sorry have to agree - what can be so unbelievably awkward about opening a present?

toffeeapple77 · 21/12/2022 16:10

harrassedmumto3 · 21/12/2022 15:53

Thanks everyone. I think I've got the sense of perspective I needed Grin

Hopefully there are still some good suggestions on here to make it as low key as possible! Happy Christmas OP

KitchiHuritAngeni · 21/12/2022 16:12

One of my dds and my ds hate any sort of attention from present opening.

I just get everyone to open their gifts at the same time so everyone is just focused on their own stuff.

TheMamaYo · 21/12/2022 16:16

I'd have them opening presents in bed with me in the morning. 😁

Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink · 21/12/2022 16:19

I just get everyone to open their gifts at the same time so everyone is just focused on their own stuff.

I think this is a good compromise!

Mariposista · 21/12/2022 16:19

Ughh spoiled entitled children

MangoBiscuit · 21/12/2022 16:19

Do you all take turns opening one present while everyone watches, or do you all open things at the same time. If you don't already, do the latter, and point our to your younger DDs that he will be far too busy opening his own presents to bother paying any attention to them and what they're opening.

Original poster
harrassedmumto3 · 21/12/2022 16:22

Mariposista · 21/12/2022 16:19

Ughh spoiled entitled children

Ughh. Unkind, judgemental and unhelpful Mumsnetter.

Thanks again to everyone else though Smile

OP posts:
ggbbnn1 · 21/12/2022 16:23

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 21/12/2022 15:55

This seems fine to me. Do you have a cupboard under the stairs or a shed? I suggest locking him in there for a few hours with a bag of crisps and a bucket for emergencies and opening the presents.

A merry Christmas to one and all!

😂😂😂

RedHelenB · 21/12/2022 16:27

I'm going against the grain a bit. Your dd is an adult, your other children are presumably still under 18? Dd1 has had her family Christmas as a child so should her wanting her bf there spoil her siblings Christmas?
I think dd1 should try to come up with a solution too
Having said that, of course he can't be kicked out but maybe he and dd1 could go out for a walk while the teenagers open their presents and then you open sonw with them and some with dd1 and bf later?

TheShellBeach · 21/12/2022 16:28

I don't understand. Why would anyone care if there is someone else there when they open their presents?

<<<misses point of thread>>>

Cas112 · 21/12/2022 16:28

No, you tell your kids to suck it up

Stop pandering to them, he's there as part of the family so treat him that way

Canthave2manycats · 21/12/2022 16:30

ggbbnn1 · 21/12/2022 16:23

😂😂😂

Show quote history

Love this!! 😂😂😂

FrustatedAgain · 21/12/2022 16:38

Wow! I think you need to teach your daughters some manners, it would be incredibly rude to exclude your older daughters boyfriend from one of the main parts of Christmas, imagine the conversation you'd have with her if his family did this to her.
I'm not really sure how someone who has been living in your house for the past month can be considered a stranger either.

runningonberocca · 21/12/2022 16:39

This is a good opportunity for your teenage daughters to realise the world does not revolve around them. Of course the poor guy can’t be asked to leave while they open their presents . You’ll be doing them no favours either to expect their every discomfort to be alleviated by those around them regardless of how uncomfortable it makes others

MoirasSaggyBundles · 21/12/2022 16:46

What are you giving your teens for presents that they are too embarrassed to open them in front of your DD's BF? Can they open those ones discreetly at some other point in the day? My mind is boggling at what they could be! Excluding him from the main present exchange/opening would be the height of bad manners, and make you look like weirdos.

SomethingOriginal2 · 21/12/2022 16:48

YABU but don't give them them any underwear to open in front of him.

I remember my mum giving me nickers to open in front of her boyfriend, I tried to put them behind me as quickly as possible but he insisted on seeing what my present was and it was fucking humiliating. Obviously she found it hilarious. If you've bought them anything underwear like or personal then give them them in their bedrooms.

BrokenWing · 21/12/2022 16:49

TheShellBeach · 21/12/2022 16:28

I don't understand. Why would anyone care if there is someone else there when they open their presents?

<<<misses point of thread>>>

As a guess some reasons could be (not saying this is the OPs dd)

They overreact when they open presents, regress to acting younger. Which is fine in from of just mum and dad, but maybe will feel they need to be more cool in front of some one outside the family and it ruins the christmas magic a bit for them.

Or the presents might be personal from their parents and tell things about their character they don't want to share (they still like Sylvanian families and others might think that is babyish).

Or they don't want to say a gift is crap and seem ungrateful in front of a stranger 🤣

Whatever it is they have a house guest and need to suck it up. OP if there is a specific presents they might not want to open in front of a stranger maybe consider leaving in their bedroom for the morning and they can open upstairs together.

Aprilx · 21/12/2022 16:50

RedHelenB · 21/12/2022 16:27

I'm going against the grain a bit. Your dd is an adult, your other children are presumably still under 18? Dd1 has had her family Christmas as a child so should her wanting her bf there spoil her siblings Christmas?
I think dd1 should try to come up with a solution too
Having said that, of course he can't be kicked out but maybe he and dd1 could go out for a walk while the teenagers open their presents and then you open sonw with them and some with dd1 and bf later?

Going for a walk is kicking him out!

OP needs to stop mollycoddling these teenagers or, she if she wants to continue pandering to them, she shouldn’t be hosting anybody for Christmas at all.

HelsyQ · 21/12/2022 16:50

harrassedmumto3 · 21/12/2022 15:35

I have my 21 year old's boyfriend visiting us from France. He has been here for a month already and will return to France a couple of weeks after Christmas. It has all been going really well; I've gone out of my way to make him feel welcome and he's a great guest. He and my daughter are so happy to be together over Christmas for the first time.
I also have two younger daughters who have a thing about opening presents in front of others (I mean outside of our immediate family). It's just a teenage thing, I guess, as it makes them feel uncomfortable and awkward.
I have bought a small pile of gifts for daughter's boyfriend and will be making everyone a lovely meal on Christmas Day. It would never be my intention to make anyone feel left out.
But is there a tactful way in which he could be omitted from the present opening? Blush I know, I know ... I can hear for myself how this sounds when I write it down. But you get the gist.
I'm just trying to keep everyone happy. But this idea won't work, will it? Or can someone think outside of the box and come up with a solution?
Thanks Smile

I don’t think so.

I think if you invited him into your home over Christmas this was always going to be apart of it.

your teenage children are on a learning curve here and guiding them gently into more grown up decisions may be appropriate here. Teaching them that Christmas Day is no longer just about them (the kids) but about you guys and your family coming together, and it seems like this man may realistically be part of your family one day.

they will be a little bit uncomfortable but it’s not just about them, support them and be gentle but it’s time to grow up a bit now.

Bpdqueen · 21/12/2022 17:00

I don't know how you normally open presents as a family but if its normally one at a time maybe just let everyone open at the same time so that there is no individual focus on anyone. Hopefully that will keep everyone happy

Christmasinbed · 21/12/2022 17:02

Can they open their main presents with you in your bedroom first thing?

BasiliskStare · 21/12/2022 17:08

I think (& I know some people are different ) I don't hold with the opening one present each and everyone watching so in our house every one gets their presents and usually no-one is watching any one else. 1) because slapping a grinning rictus on your face when someone has bought you something you just don't like is wearing & 2 ) I just prefer everyone to dig in and shout thank you every so often. So if it were me ( & it isn't ) I would say everyone opens presents at the same time and if DD's Dp is finished early he can make the coffee But I would not make him go out for a walk etc. I don't know the seating arrangements but perhaps he could be a bit further away and by DD so not sitting next to the two teenagers - I have a small house but there is a chair or two on the opposite side of the coffee table where presents aren't easily seen.

I am sure I will be criticised but being able to open a present in front of someone you don't very well is a life skill which is well worth having. Having spent Christmas with PILs I know this. If teenage DDs ever have husbands / partners / wives and the associated extended family - they may have to do it one day.

Any known presents which could cause embarrassment I exclude from this and fine for them to take it to their rooms.

Bah Humbug me ?

Clambering · 21/12/2022 17:08

This would be my suggestion - maybe arrange to do some in your room with your younger daughters first thing, and then have a couple of presents each for everyone to do together. Hopefully that's not too embarrassing and noone is excluded.

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 21/12/2022 17:08

I hate that thing of taking it in turns to open presents while everyone watches. Anyone would feel self conscious about that. It's gift giving, not a performance.

He's been there weeks, surely they are used to him by now?