Sad about Christmas - AIBU

[TofuWhatAreYou]

I’m probably being unreasonable but just feel a bit sad and emotional today so hear me out.

when I was younger, Christmas was always a huge thing- lots of family, present swapping, massive dinner, games all night, it was just great fun.

we’ve all grown up now- I’m the youngest of my siblings and they’ve all now got to the stage of staying with their partners at Christmas, and this time they’re all going to their partners family for dinner so it’ll be really quiet at ours. It will still be great, just different.

we also don’t really do presents anymore. It’s nothing to do with financial reasons as we’re all financially comfortable, it’s just we all have everything we need and want and it just seems wasteful to buy things for each other for the sake of it so we just decided to leave it. I know my parents and I buy Christmas presents for charity appeals and I think my siblings do similar, and that’s obviously a much more worthwhile cause than buying each other stuff we don’t need.

but… I feel a bit sad about it. I remember as a child how magical it was to open presents and also to see someone open the present you got them (I would buy presents 6 months early so you can imagine how exciting it was to finally see the person open it!!!). I know it sounds petty, but I think combined with the different type of Christmas Day I just feel a bit sad about it all

i know I just need to accept things are different now and we’ve all grown up, and I’m obviously really grateful for the fact we will still have a great Christmas, but I just feel a bit down about it all. It’s like all those happy memories are so far away now and everything has changed so much

You don't sound like you want childhood Christmas back for the memories, it sounds like you just want to continue to get presents bought for you, your post comes across as a bit grabby and entitled, in my opinion.

Do you have children? If not, all this will come back when you do and even more. Christmas is all about children so can be a bit of a let down as an adult until you have your own.

Do you play games still?
Can you do a Secret Santa?

I suggested secret Santa but nobody could be bothered which from their POV is fair enough really, everyone is doing similar for work and for clubs and for friends so I don’t blame them for wanting to leave it for family, but it would have been fun if we could have done it! Even just a novelty £5 one for fun lol

Did we read the same post? The post couldn't be less grabby or spoilt. OP you sound lovely and it's absolutely normal to miss the huge Christmases you had gorwing up they sound amazing! I know exactly what you mean about presents. It's not the 'stuff' it's the excitement of opening it and someone having spent time thinking about what you'd like and you getting to try and find something the other person would really like.

Good point, I think you’re right there! No children yet, i think when there’s little kids in the family it makes it so magical!

You’ve commented on my previous threads (before I NC) as I recognise your username. You’ve always been pretty horrible to me in your posts and I’ve reported several of them before. If other comments feel I’m being grabby then I will absolutely acknowledge that but I’m not wasting my time on your opinion

I didn't say the OP wasn't lovely, they sound like they are! But I still did think after reading that "it seems to be a lot of focus on presents and not receiving as many anymore"

Thank you, yes I completely agree you’ve hit the nail on the head! It’s the excitement of going shopping and deciding what to get someone, and wrapping all the presents, and the big mountain of wrapping paper on Christmas Day when everyone has opened everything! It gives you such a warm feeling doesn’t it!

I'm sorry OP, I don't know what post you're referring to so can't look back and see the 'horrible' posts you say but I think we might have different perceptions of them. If I upset you though, I do genuinely apologise to you. (Have a nice Christmas)🎀

Do you have a partner OP?

Of course YANBU. How about this year in the January sale you buy yourself some treats... But don't open them until next Christmas by which time you'll probably have forgotten what they are? Could be a fun new tradition to surprise yourself!

OP I understand what you are saying. Christmas is so emotive and brings out so many memories and emotions for everyone. We used to have huge family christmases and i remember as a child feeling so loved. Jumping from lap to lap of an endless stream of relatives, falling asleep to the sound of them catching up, the smell of food. I just felt so safe and that I belonged. We now tend to celebrate Christmas the 4 of us (dh and 2 kids) and I can't help but feel that its just not the same.

I also think its a funny old year, many of my friends feel down about Christmas this year. Just wanted to say I get it. I understand❤️

I don't have siblings.
We used to go to my cousins house between Christmas and new year, and they'd come to us too depending on what shift my uncle was working
I miss going to theirs more than anything. They had a real tree, a coal fire, multicoloured lights and paper chains. Food was plentiful with a trifle to die for and presents were inexpensive.
YANBU.

OP I would ignore the message from this poster. He really has no right to call you grabby and entitled based on this post.
I also recognize his user name and he started the mother of all entitlement threads yesterday, think his perception is a bit skewed.

I understand what you mean about longing for the Christmases of your childhood. I remember the in between phase of becoming an adult and then having my own children. It has gotten so much more fun now that kids are in the house. One day perhaps you might get your nostalgic Christmas back. Have a great day this year.

How mean. I don’t agree at all. I totally get missing the magic of a childhood Christmas, OP. I sometimes miss it too

It is actually lovely to receive a thoughtful gift especially if it’s a little in joke, I’m sure my DH will be thrilled with the stick on numbers I have bought for the recycling bin and I have bought some Unicorn angel delight for my sons girlfriends unicorn soft toy that she still takes to bed. I have also bought them a sensible gift.

I miss when I had very little children as it is lovely seeing their faces light up. I never received much at all as a child as we were really very poor but I do look back fondly and that was a long time ago.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

In a few years you may have nephews, nieces or DC of your own.

If you decided not to do presents then yabu for being sad there are no presents….. buy some then and there will be

I think what you're hankering for, OP, is your childhood experiences as they are and hopefully were, unencumbered by anything other than lovely things at Christmas. Everything changes when we get older and the magic definitely fades (to a degree) or disappears, sadly.

I remember Christmas being very stressful as a child so I don't miss it but I often read of posts like yours, with your experiences of joyful spirits - and yes, presents for everybody - and I'm a bit like a kid again but with my cold nose up against your window. <dramatic licence>

Most people are very stressed at the moment, for various reasons, and I imagine that many think back to simpler, less harried days with lots of happy memories of Christmases like yours. Maybe it's a coping mechanism? I don't think back to Christmases as mine were not happy but I think back to other times and experiences that were and those are still embedded in me.

I hope your Christmas spirit carries you through so that you can celebrate a different sort of Christmas - until you can indulge in the magic again when you have your own children (if you do).

Agreed - I didn’t read this as grabby in any way either!
OP - I can understand this. We still give and receive gifts among the adults as well as enjoying time together. There is something lovely in watching people open gifts that you’ve chosen for them. Our DC are past the stage of being excited about Santa coming and it does change things. I hope you get the board games out and have a good laugh together, eating too many choccies!

Smile because it happened. If only everyone had memories so magical of Christmas. Do you have kids? Those feelings will return. Mine are teens now and it feels very different but I’m just so grateful still.

It's a little late for this year, but I wonder if moving forward you might want to consider other ways of making Christmas feel magical and special, that don't rely on other people aligning with plans for the actual day itself. I used to sing in a choir and always had lots of Christmas events in fabulous places that always made me feel so warm and festive, and now we have a load of friends over Christmas even for drinks and nibbles etc. Other years I have been around shaking a bucket for the brass band carolling in local pubs and neighbourhoods, or the local charity santa sleigh visits to houses in the area. So there are lots of ways we can experience Christmassy magical warm fuzzy feelings that might help you to fill your Christmas with new things rather than just sort of stare at the gap created by your siblings having other plans etc. When I was always busy with the above things in the run up to Christmas, a quiet Christmas day was a bit of a blessing, I had already filled my cup of people and giving and receiving gifts etc. and to have a quieter day was perfect.

Christmas as an adult is a bit lame IMO. I remember pre kids wondering what the point was. The magic comes back when there are small children in the family, I promise!

I know what you mean @TofuWhatAreYou . I come from a huge extended family and we all lived fairly close by when I was a kid (probably the maximum was 40 minute ride in the car).

So we had lots of parties or lunches leading up to Christmas. Lots of presents (which I am not apologising for - that's fun for a 10 year old), lots of fun.

As I got a Saturday job I started enjoying the giving part of Christmas and always loved (still do) the trying to think of a nice gift for someone special.

As I became an adult Christmas became just a nice bit of 'down time' as I was always back at work the day after Boxing day, allowing the colleagues with kids to have the time off. Not a martyr, it suited me to be able to have a week in January when the schools were back and the shops were empty. Plus we always left a bit early during that week and there were loads of mince pies, chocolates etc in the office so it was hardly miserable.

I think part of the problem for me started when on line shopping became a thing. The whole thing of going into a shop with all the Christmas music going, trying the perfumes, looking at gifts, hauling it all home was part of Christmas. Taking a day off work to do 'the Christmas shopping' was a big thing - getting to shops early so you could get home before the rush hour. We were telling DS that schools used to have a Christmas shopping day off in mid December so kids could get out with parents to get their gifts.

Although it was a pain and on line shopping is incredibly useful, I miss the buzz. So I take myself off to the local big shopping centre once every Christmas. I usually just get the Christmas cards and have a little look at what's available in the shops. Maybe buy a couple of gifts and have a nice lunch. That's Christmas started for me because of the 'buzz'. I do it every year and it lifts me.