Pretending to be someone else - normal or not?

[anon772]

I often pretend to be someone else in my head - usually a character from a book I’ve read or a TV programme or film. They’re not always nice characters either - some are involved in quite shady dealings or have committed bad deeds! They can be male or female, young or old. I suppose the one thing they tend to have in common is that they’re quite strong, charismatic individuals. I will imagine that I am that person when I’m walking down the street or doing mindless household chores. I often pretend to be one person for many months before another character takes my interest.

For context I’m a mum of two and am generally happy with my life with lots going on. So I’m not sure why I do this! Does it suggest that something isn’t quite right with my life, even subconsciously? Or is it just one of those things?

Hi OP, I do this too. I had never really thought about whether others do it or not until a few years ago when a therapist mentioned 'maladaptive daydreaming'. Have you heard of it?

Brilliant to have a rich inner life. The older I get and the more people's minds I come to know (professionally) the less I think in terms of normal or not normal.

If it's not causing issues in your life or anyone else's life, I wouldn't worry about it if you enjoy it.

No I haven’t heard of that! Was your therapist’s view that it’s an alright thing to do or something that needs addressing?

Does it enrich your life?
Do you feel something is missing from your life?

It sounds like you're amusing yourself by doing this, nothing wrong with that. The two above questions could give you some more answers.

Sometimes we learn from role models, even though they've done bad deeds ;)

Well in my case it's linked to past trauma and was a coping mechanism I developed growing up as a way of disocciating from reality. So she never really said whether it was ok or not ok per se as it was more a case of processing the root trauma? I do notice that it gets 'worse' when things aren't going as well in regular life.

I don’t think it matters as long as you know in RL that you’re not those people, and you’re not pretending to be those people to others.

When I’ve binged a good show, I often feel like I’m living in that show (I know I’m not!) but, say if it’s like a conspiracy/mystery show I have a sense of being watched or targeted😂. As long as I’m not diving behind cars to hide from passers by or convinced my DP is a ‘one of them’, I’m good.

Pretty Little Liars really ruined messaging for me for a while.

I do this too and have since I was a very small child. I guess I just never stopped enjoying playing pretend. A friend of mine has a diagnosis of ADHD and does it too and says it's maladaptive daydreaming and very common with ADHD, but that it can be a positive and a useful thing if controlled and channelled - ADHD folk are easily bored and distracted, especially by routine or mundane tasks e.g. the housework like you mention, so something like pretending can be a good way of occupying all your leftover attention while you get the boring job done as it doesn't stop you doing the job (like, say, opening MN on your phone and scrolling for hours would 😳). Can also be useful for meeting deadlines if you pretend you have to get this piece of work to the druglords before they start chopping fingers off your partner or something 😆

However like others I find it gets more intense and preoccupying during times of trouble/stress and that's when the maladaptive bit starts I suppose - when it leads to obsessive googling to find out all the details I can about the character I'm pretending to be/fantasising about, or writing reams of fanfiction, when I should be working, preferring living in and feeding my fantasy world to being present with my kids and partner, etc. That's when I need to get a hold on it. My ADHD friend gives herself half an hour at the beginning of the day when the rest of the family are asleep to really daydream, then tries to "put it away" until some later "pit-stop" point with a defined beginning and end e.g. while doing housework or walking to the shop etc.

Any other potential ADHD traits OP? I'm beginning to wonder a bit about myself, largely on the back of friend's diagnosis journey (so many similarities, no wonder we're friends 😆) - not really interested in pursuing diagnosis myself but I am finding reading around ADHD behaviours and tools to control them quite constructive (when it doesn't become another hyperfocus subject that eats whole days on Google!!)

Can also be useful for meeting deadlines if you pretend you have to get this piece of work to the druglords before they start chopping fingers off your partner or something 😆

Haha this made me laugh out loud! 😆 It’s exactly the type of scenario that I have been known to play out in my head when completing a boring work task! 😳

I don’t know much about ADHD but will have a google, thank you!

I don’t imagine myself as other characters, but I do daydream about myself in a different life - I can spend hours imagining myself being interviewed after winning my first Oscar, or Wimbledon…that sort of thing. I can’t see any harm in it.

I don't do this but it sounds quite fun really.

It sounds quite fun. I'd love the chance not to be me but to be charismatic and dangerous while mopping the cat sick off the floor.

It is! Give it a try sometime, I find it makes my life a lot more colourful and interesting :)

I spent about a month walking like Tommy Shelby everywhere I went with Red Right Hand on Spotify. Did nobody any harm and made getting from A to B a lot les boring!

Aaah, but that is not cat sick, but the blood of your mortal enemy who killed your father, and whose body you must now dispose of!

I often do this when I'm driving or doing household tasks. I'm going to try and do the work deadline mob hit though! That sounds like great fun!

It's just daydreaming, I don't know what could possibly be wrong about it.

I don't do this but I don't find it weird or unusual. I spend all my time running future conversations in my head instead! 😁

😂

Mine only becomes problematic when the particular daydream du jour involves real-life people as I've been known to become confused between the daydream and real versions 😳

Are any of the following, which I do, maladaptive daydreaming

Dream about winning the lottery and what I would spend the money on.

Dream about getting a huge inheritance from some rich distant relation or acquaintance (not going to happen!)

Dream about writing a bestselling book and lapping up the adulation and riches that come from it, obviously including being hugely popular with members of the opposite sex

I don't do it but I think it sounds great, and not maladaptive unless it is interfering with real life. So many of the tasks we do are boring and repetitive...why not liven up peeling and scrubbing and ironing?

I listen to podcasts while doing these things, which probably meets exactly the same need, but less creatively. Maybe I will try it.

Sounds like it could be quite useful actually - sort of like doing a ‘power pose’ - if you’re channelling characteristics or personalities that are useful to what you want to do?!

I do this, I have done since a really young age.

Sometimes the life in my head is a lot nicer - I can sit down at a piano in a bar and play beautifully whilst singing with a voice of an angel rendering everyone who listens to me to tears, as they didn't realise how amazing I am

I also have been the lead character in tv shows, films, a member of well known bands...I know this is a way of escaping the boredom of real life, and I quite enjoy it.

Funnily enough, I do suspect I have ADHD, as someone further up the thread has stated!

Does it suggest that something isn’t quite right with my life, even subconsciously? Or is it just one of those things?

It could be both. You're not hurting anyone and it makes you happy, so it isn't a big deal. I say carry on living your life.

I definitely have involved daydreams. I also probably have ADHD so it might be associated with that. I think it can be fine as a form of escapism as long as it doesn't impact actually living your life. For example if you're staying in daydreaming rather than meeting with friends or if it means you're not getting work done or engaging with your kids then yes it's a problem otherwise I think it's fairly harmless.