Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you feel alone in the world?

59 replies

LosAmigos · 20/12/2022 19:54

I feel so bloody lonely. I have friends at work and we sometimes go out after work but then that's where it stops. I don't speak to them outside of work otherwise.

There's my mum but she can be selfish and she things of herself a lot. If she's not getting it her way she can be a massive arsehole and has been like that all my life. She's quite toxic really. So is her husband.

My friends. There's only one I talk to regularly and we don't even speak that much anymore. We don't meet up anymore. He has other commitments now.

I just feel that if I died tomorrow no one would know. No one would care really. Well, I suppose my mum might but then she would get over it and learn to cope with it quickly wouldn't she?

I just feel so alone. Anyone else?

OP posts:
Keyansier · 20/12/2022 20:10

OP, this was heartbreaking to read. I feel sorry for you. Of course people would miss you and know if you died tomorrow. The problem is, people are so busy with themselves (that includes you - and everyone) that they don't notice nuances in other people's lives.

You sound very depressed. I don't know how you feel about antidepressants, personally, I am not a fan, but it is up to you. Alternatively, you need a listening ear (a friend, ironically). You can PM if if you want to offload, i will try my best to help. I've been told I am very good at giving advice.

caroleanboneparte · 20/12/2022 20:22

I know exactly how you feel.

I have a DP/DCs/DM/DF but don't feel like any of them would be that bothered if I wasn't around.

I find solace in making a life just for me. Doing things for me every day. Not waiting for validation from anyone else. I do nice little things like read a book or go to a cafe and find enjoyment from small things I can control.

Yes it's lonely but people disappoint in my experience so best not to life vicariously through others.

Ruffpuff · 20/12/2022 20:29

I feel the same, except I know that my 4 year old would miss me, which gives me comfort. I think I’m just a pain to everyone else. I’m not a bad person, but I struggle to come out of my shell and I’m quiet and boring unless I know people really well. Otherwise I can be quite passionate. But I’ve realised over the years that I’m the most forgettable person in most groups. I’m the person everyone politely says good morning to, but is the last person they come to for a chat or a laugh. People ignore me and talk over me. It’s happened enough for me to realise that it’s obviously something to do with me and not everyone else.

6poundshower · 20/12/2022 20:33

Yes. Very similar except I have a small child and can't socialise with work colleagues either. Noone cares.

DrSmoot · 20/12/2022 20:36

Yep.
Work is work and I’m not in the clique, which is fine, we are not each other’s kind of people.
I have 3 friends on a joint message thread and we check in with each other quite a bit but haven’t seen them since before Covid.
Another friend I’ve had coffee with once this year and she’s read my last couple of messages and not replied.

I’ve had a difficult few months and pretty much have no one to share it with. I miss my old crappy job. I hated the work and the company but there were people I genuinely looked forward to seeing each day, we just drifted once we left. It sucks.
Sympathy op Flowers

surlycurly · 20/12/2022 20:36

I could have written this. It's just the lack of connection that gets to me- the lack of intimacy and fun! Life is a big slog without it. I have no real friends either anymore. My mum and I are close but she is tactless and selfish too. I have teenagers that use me like a taxi and my love life is non existent. I even holiday alone. It's not the life I thought I'd have.

Outtasteamandluck · 20/12/2022 20:36

Me. I feel the same. I've just deactivate my social media because i don't want to see others picture perfect lives (I know it's not really that way).

Just taking a step back and see how quickly I'm missed. Though I suspect I know the answer.

Like a PP poster said, people disappoint.

surlycurly · 20/12/2022 20:37

And I'm sorry you feel like this too. Have you tried bumble friends app? I met a few people that way but no one I kept about.

Lochnesslassie · 20/12/2022 20:59

I feel the same. I genuinely feel bad saying that because I have DH and both my parents and adult DC with my treasured GC live just minutes away but I still feel alone.
I very often want to pack a bag and run away. I would at least be justified feeling alone then rather than this awful feeling of being lonely in a metaphorical crowded room.
I know, the problem is me.
I hope you (all) feel better soon

DrSmoot · 20/12/2022 21:03

@surlycurly did you just not gel with them?

Lemonlady22 · 20/12/2022 21:07

Hello, me too. Married but husband always at work, children all left home, took early retirement due to Ill health, see no one all day everyday. Feel redundant, and just want to run away. Don’t want to be at home but when out can’t wait to get home. Had a bit of a crisis this morning, couldn’t stop crying. Feel so low and can’t see a way out. Spoke to GP, no help at all. I wake up everyday and wish I hadnt. 😥

purpleme12 · 20/12/2022 21:18

Yes I feel like this.
I worry about when my child gets older when I'll have no one

surlycurly · 20/12/2022 21:24

@DrSmoot I hung out with one of them quite a lot. Over time it became clear that she was quite a vengeful and intense person. I felt it was better to distance myself from it. And the other couple I met for a coffee and a walk respectively but the conversation got a bit stilted eventually. It did feel good to have the choice to meet people in the same position as me and not feel like a saddo

surlycurly · 20/12/2022 21:25

Aw @Lemonlady22 that's so sad. You need to find some kind of purpose. Can you talk to anyone else?

EmmaDilemma5 · 20/12/2022 21:33

I hope this doesn't come across as patronising, but I think over time I've realised that most feelings pass.

You may be in a low phase right now with a stilted social life, but it won't be like that forever. Things change.

Keep your chin up, you're not alone and life really does work in mysterious ways. I hope you feel more hopeful soon x

Atethehalloweenchocs · 20/12/2022 21:52

Single, no children, live on my own. Often think if I died I could be here for weeks until someone noticed. Unless I was due at work.

Original poster
LosAmigos · 20/12/2022 22:37

Hello everyone, thank you so much for making me feel like i'm not the only one who is feeling this way. It's such a sad feeling.

OP posts:
HelloItsMeeee · 20/12/2022 22:44

Same here. If I died nobody would notice especially as I'm a freelancer so don't even need to be anywhere. My dog would probably eat me.

MovieQueen12 · 21/12/2022 09:41

Everyday. Single, no kids, quiet personality so slip under the radar.
Incredibly touch starved and feel embarrassed for that.
I wish everyday to be someone else.

5128gap · 21/12/2022 09:53

Of course your life matters. You're just unfortunate in that your personal circumstances mean there not enough people around you to give you that affirmation. It's not your fault your mum and friend are disinterested, it's sheer bad luck.
To feel our lives are meaningful we need to make human connections, and when the odds are against us because of the hand we're dealt with family and other circumstances, we sometimes need to try a bit harder and more creatively to make it happen. As an orphan only child, I know what I'm talking about.
On line communities like this are a start as are those old chestnuts of hobbies and volunteering (volunteering if you can, ticks so many boxes in terms of increasing social interaction and making us feel we matter, can't recommend it enough)
I know you're looking for empathy not 'solutions', and you have that from me too. But honestly, there are things you could try which could help.

EmmaAgain22 · 21/12/2022 19:05

Same here
if I died, mum would be devastated

my sister would be upset but not surprised, but she'd get over it

no one else would be impacted really. I suppose it doesn't matter but three years ago, lots of people would have been sad...I think!

caroleanboneparte · 24/12/2022 05:53

Single, no children, live on my own. Often think if I died I could be here for weeks until someone noticed. Unless I was due at work.

Years ago I was like this. I wouldn't have been found for weeks if I'd died at home. Was NC with parents. No other family. Only infrequent texts from 'friends'. When Facebook first came out I couldnt understand how people could have 200 friends. I only had 30, that included people from school/uni I hadn't actually been in contact with for years.

Mummadeze · 24/12/2022 06:01

I re-took up a sporting hobby during lockdown and now have a purpose and a whole new group of friends. The sport itself (tennis in my case) is very mood enhancing, I have met a variety of nice people who are all very different but we bond because of the common interest. My purpose now is to get better and continue to learn. But the upshot of this is that I could meet up with friends every day now to play if I wanted to. And the club has social events organised to facilitate getting to know people better. I really really recommend doing something like this. You can re-build your entire social life around it and it doesn’t feel forced.

notsosoftanymore · 24/12/2022 06:17

Same here, OP and lemonlady22 similar situation. I feel like a ghost, cue Coldplay Ghost Stories!

I have noticed something weird in my family, I have three daughters, my mother was one of three sisters, my SILs mother is one of three sisters. I wish I had a sister, I feel like the odd one out, they all have such a great time together. I have one much older, estranged brother.

Mummadeze I agree about an activity bringing a social scene, good for you, I've been there and it's great but the social connections tend to fall apart once you stop the activity. I've always been active but have got physical problems like increasingly stiff, painful knees and neck, I absolutely hate it. Life in the UK feels very lonely.

Virginiaplain · 24/12/2022 06:28

Can you apply yourself to interests and hobbies. So learn about a time in history, join a book group , take up exercise, hobbies, cooking - so your life is more fulfilling and you aren’t relying on human friendships, and hobbies can lead to more acquaintances and possibly friends.