Do you feel alone in the world?

[LosAmigos]

I feel so bloody lonely. I have friends at work and we sometimes go out after work but then that's where it stops. I don't speak to them outside of work otherwise.

There's my mum but she can be selfish and she things of herself a lot. If she's not getting it her way she can be a massive arsehole and has been like that all my life. She's quite toxic really. So is her husband.

My friends. There's only one I talk to regularly and we don't even speak that much anymore. We don't meet up anymore. He has other commitments now.

I just feel that if I died tomorrow no one would know. No one would care really. Well, I suppose my mum might but then she would get over it and learn to cope with it quickly wouldn't she?

I just feel so alone. Anyone else?

You sound absolutely lovely and if people don't talk to you then that's their issue. I bet you're a great person to know.

I feel exactly like this. I've been ill for nearly 3 weeks with this awful virus, and quite honestly, there was a point where l was sure l was on the way out.
And l wondered how long it would take before anyone noticed.
I have friends. Just no one geographically local. The closest is 100 miles away.

@katseyes7 I'm so sorry you are feeling this way too. I hope you're feeling much better soon.

The world is a desperately lonely place sometimes isn't it?

LosAmigos
Thank you, that's very kind. It really is.
Having said that, l've had times in the past when l've been lonely when l've been with other people. At least on my own l can cry/do nothing if l or when I need to.
Christmas/New Year isn't a good time for me, it hasn't been for a long time, I lost both my parents very close to Christmas, one to suicide.
I've spent a lot of Christmases on my own, this year l was meant to go to my best friend, and l was looking forward to it so much, but being ill, l couldn't go. I've spent 3 weeks on my own in the house, feeling horrendous.
Hopefully l'll perk up once the new year starts. I need to be occupied but l've felt so ill and exhausted l've had neither the energy nor the inclination.
I hope you're okay. The dark gloomy days don't help, do they? Roll on Spring. x

I'm the same op

I could of written your post op. I was at work the other day and looked on Facebook, all the female staff had been out for a meal. Never mentioned they were going out and I'd worked with each and everyone of them that week..they must have tried so hard to hide it.

I get you OP

All of my family lives on the other side of the world, we don't communicate often, I mainly talk to my sister but this is only texting maybe every 3 weeks or so.

I have 3 friends but none of them are super close, we catch up if we have time but we don't really text,

My husband is always very busy and is going through therapy at the moment for some trauma related issues so his first priority at the moment isn't exactly paying attention to me.

I tend to just sit in the house with my dog these days, the loneliness just gradually gets worse for me.

Wishing you the best xx

I'm sitting alone tonight as both my teenagers are out. I know that when the Bells do ring I won't get any calls or texts. This is no kind of life.

Both my parents have now sadly died. I'm an only child. I have DH and two children but I have no family at all and only a couple of friends. I often feel lonely too. I WFH and it can be very isolating. Find it hard to see all the Christmas ads showing big, happy families but I console myself that in reality, they are all having a big row by Boxing Day!

Yes.

I have 4 dc, two are adults and
living thier own lives and my younger 2 are growing up now. I know they would miss me but no one else would. No dh anymore.

I have no other family, all dead. And my my mum is very ill with cancer.

I do have friends yes but all have extended families and dhs and I don’t, so I feel very alone.

I try and do things for myself these days like a pp said. But its
nights like these when I realise how outside of society I really am.

my 4 year old dgd is asleep next to me so there is a little of comfort. I love her to bits

I posted upthread but yes, NYE is particularly crap for this feeling.

Hi OP.
I have three pieces of advice:

1. Do something for other people or the environment where you live - volunteering or planting trees, or whatever you can do in your area - not high commitment, though. It will make you feel better.
2. Get two pairs of little dumbbells - 5lb and 10lb is all you need and start picking them up and putting them down frequently. (Neoprene or vinyl are comfortable). Mine are in my kitchen in a box in the corner. I transformed my body doing this and of-course picked up a heavier set after a year. I am not interested in gyms. Free weights is the thing. I wanted to feel better and blimey - it made me feel better. You need to feel alive and that will help you, I promise.
3. If you tell people you feel lonely, they may push you towards pharmaceuticals. Ignore them. They don't know you. We evolved to live in tight social groups. That's why you feel lonely. Be open-minded to all people of different ages and backgrounds to yourself - sometimes people completely different to you can make the best friends. 🌺

Would anyone consider joining the church? Even if you are not remotely religious there are lovely, caring people there. Choirs, WIs, fundraising and special events.
I was a lonely child, and found it such a comfort. Singing is great for mental health. Feeling cared for, valued, contributing to a community beyond work is amazing for friendships and the feeling of belonging.

Yes I can't stop crying.
I don't know where my life went wrong.
I can't stop thinking my child will not be able to get what she needs with me.
I have a lovely life with no one.
And all I ever wanted was to feel loved.
I'm so scared

@purpleme12 Please don't be scared. You have so much to give to the world and you also have me. I don't know you but we're in this together.

Mine fell apart after lockdown, I had friends at the time I joined but was volunteering there

also, being the youngest one there wasn't great. I might have felt differently if I didn't have an elderly mum.

They usually run a couple of art shows every year. this year's was tiny and the organiser said she barely had any submissions. She's quite in with the local artists and they've lost the will, apparently. There were no shows organised in 20 and 21.

i have joined a local social thing but it's irregular. No substitute for the loss of long term friends.

The only time I feel truly secure is when my brother is around and that’s about four days a year. It’s so unnatural for humans to be alone with no support.

I’ve got an elderly mother, 18 year old Asperger’s son, 20 year old ADHD son (who lives with his dad and is one of the nocturnal types who rarely emerges from his room and no-one can help because his dad won’t cooperate), eldest sister died a few years ago, middle sister is NC with my mum so we don’t see her.

I can’t give my children what they need because it’s just me and I’m autistic and my health is very fragile. Honestly, if you saw me in the street you’d think I’d got my life together but it’s an illusion. I will probably be alone forever because I’ve got no libido and I never meet any remotely attractive men anyway.

🫂🫂

Oh this is so me too! Including the toxic mother who only cares what she thinks and is wholly unreliable. Never around when you need her.

I've felt this way. I spent a long time feeling this way.
I had a baby fairly recently, and things have changed a lot.
I have a bit of a social circle, I've got some friends. My children are no longer the only people who would realise if I wasn't here.

Can you join some groups to make friends?

Where are you? If you're nearby, I'd be happy to meet for a coffee.

I am 'mature' but have felt this way most of my life, I have 2 adult children, and 1 delightful GC.

I am also in a relatively new relationship (18m) which, I think, adds to my aloneness. He's nice to me, but I don't think he's in a good place to have a relationship really, I feel we are limping along.

I am one of life's givers, and naturally I find all the takers, I am much better than I used to be though.

Sitting here last night with my DP (we went to bed before midnight, though I heard the fireworks) I had far fewer text messages than last year, just reinforces my place in the world is of little importance.

I think I will always feel alone, even in a crowd, but if you saw me, you would think I was super confident, and had it altogether as a PP said, appearances are very very deceiving, none of us really know how others feel, we go on our own perceptions based on behaviours.

My NYR (not that I keep to any) is to learn some new skills, and try to make some new friends, but try harder, I'm a bit lazy in that respect, and I guess afraid of being rejected, so hold back.

I wish everyone a happy new year, and that you all practice self belief (myself included) that you are worthy

Same here. Kids grown up and seemingly disengaged. Ds now in residential care and not cognisant of me. I’m deaf too and w speech impairment. Wasn’t part of playground friendships. Didn’t go to Uni. Single parent after some years, nasty divorce.
No friends. My dad died 8 yrs ago, my mum two yrs ago. Miss them so much.
I asked for advice on bathrooms on Property part of Talk (thanks to those who replied). But as worried as I am about having to move, I keep thinking I want to die. Am taking medication.
So, yes in response to your post. I could go and it would be weeks before I was missed and then I feel it would be better for all concerned esp me. Sorry to have hijacked your post. I’m feeling low to say least.

It's a shame MN doesn't have a meet-up page . A lot of people find themselves alone or lonely and would love the chance to connect with those locally .

Have you read up on Autism, ADHD - this affects how you interact with people - it might be worth looking into it to see if this is part of your makeup and affecting your ability to mix.

@LosAmigos and everyone- you’re not alone, I feel exactly the same.

my 2023 goal is to improve it in some way.

I’ve just joined 2 local groups on Meetup - the events are hosted so there will be someone there to meet you and introduce you to others - I need that because I’ve learned I need to be ‘drawn in’.

the other thing I’ve just been looking at is CALM - the campaign against living miserably. They have a helpline available every night from 5pm to midnight. 0800 585858. Here’s their page on loneliness and social isolation