Do you feel alone in the world?

[LosAmigos]

I feel so bloody lonely. I have friends at work and we sometimes go out after work but then that's where it stops. I don't speak to them outside of work otherwise.

There's my mum but she can be selfish and she things of herself a lot. If she's not getting it her way she can be a massive arsehole and has been like that all my life. She's quite toxic really. So is her husband.

My friends. There's only one I talk to regularly and we don't even speak that much anymore. We don't meet up anymore. He has other commitments now.

I just feel that if I died tomorrow no one would know. No one would care really. Well, I suppose my mum might but then she would get over it and learn to cope with it quickly wouldn't she?

I just feel so alone. Anyone else?

I understand this.

I have my kids. They would miss me if I was gone. But I can’t confide in them. I have spent the last 12 months hiding how broken I feel after my mum suddenly died from them. They need their mum, as they are devastated too, Not a crying mess. Dd went to uni this year, she needs me to be her cheerleader and level headed mum always happy to give advice and support. Ds is autistic and seeing me a mess would destabilise him.

My best friend who was like a sister, just disappeared. Would arrange to come over then just didn’t show up. Understandably she chose her fun friends to be around. I haven’t been much fun.

I have a partner, but I think that’s coming to an end. He was supportive when mum died. But after 6 weeks he told me there was something wrong with me as I was still sad. Then was supportive again.Then 2 months ago during an argument mocked me for grieving my mum and told me to grow up. Then threw things I had told him, that I have never told anyone else at me and laughed at me about it. He apologised. But I physically can’t talk to him about anything anymore. I can’t bring myself to do it, so dont tell him anything anymore. When he asks if I am ok I can only bring myself to say ‘I can’t talk about that with you’. The distance between us is increasing. I can’t stand to listen to anything nice he has to say.

My Dad looks so uncomfortable if I get upset over anything, including mum. So I just don’t.

I have a professional job, where I would tank my career if I went off sick. Or talked about my feelings with anyone. I need to appear calm, steady, emotionless. So I push it down at work. Cry in bed at night instead. I have ‘work friends’ but they aren’t friends. Just people I talk to in work.

My mum had severe mental health issues, so it not like I confided in her. We didn’t have an easy relationship but she loved me and I loved her. But since she died, I have never felt more alone in my entire life.

I don’t have time or the inclination for hobbies. I saw some advice that said ‘remember a time when you were truly happy. Joyous. What were you doing? That’s what’s you should pursue’ but right now, I can’t remember a time, even as a child where I was truly happy. Even for a few minutes. There’s always been something hanging over it. So I have no idea where I go from here.

But it’s, oddly, comforting to know I am not the only one that feels like this.

This is me, OP.

If you saw me you would think I have it all - lovely home, DH, DC, job....

except I am so lonely.

DS is autistic and my world is now so small. I actually got invited to an old school friend's NYE party but I couldn't go - my DS wouldn't have coped and no one would babysit so DH and I could go and I felt bad about leaving DH alone on NYE so I stayed home. It's my fault for turning it down and I know I won't be invited again.

DH went to bed at 10pm and barely said a word to me all evening.
DH is a lovely man but I suspect ASD too. If I ask him why he doesn't speak to me he just says I don't speak to him - which is not true. I try all the time but get nothing back.

My family contact me when it suits them. My sister never comes to see me, I only see her because I initiate and invite myself over - she wouldn't bother otherwise.

the only messages I got last night are from group chats where I suspect if I left they wouldn't notice/ care. I was supposed to meet up with some friends before Christmas (my only Christmas event) but one of the Queen bees got ill so it was cancelled - if I had been ill they just would have gone ahead without me (and rightly so).

I just don't matter. The only person who would care is my little DD, I feel she is the only person who actually cares about me but I have to stop myself burdening her with my need for love.

I changed jobs this time last year and I thought I had made good friends in my last job (there 10yrs +) but that has completely fizzled out - out of sight, out of mind I suppose. I have not made any friends in my new job, it is hybrid working so mainly online meetings - when I do go into the office no one speaks to me. At first I tried really hard, invited people for coffee/ to go to lunch together but it has been a one way street and I have given up now. I cannot socialise after work because I have to get back for DS.

I decided to get more involved at DC's school in a bid to put myself out there and joined the PTA. In reality I am still an outsider and get given the crappy jobs - I see the other mums skipping off for coffee all the time but I am never invited (I do work so couldn't always join, but still!). I just get messages telling me what they have decided and what I need to do.

i can actually go weeks with no meaningful conversations.

I have seen in a few NYR posts on here about only choosing people who choose you - well no one chooses me so that's that then.

God this is me too. Touch starved. I really miss touch. It sickens me that the only way I can experience touch right now is to pay for it ie a massage which is £££ where I live. I'm another one, no family, no partner, no dc, no pets & currently unemployed. I work hard to keep myself up.

I'm sorry so many of you are feeling so bad, but it's a bit of a relief to know that I'm not the only one. I'm single, don't have any kids and live on my own, I just feel really lonely all the time. I used to have a better social life, but everything stopped during the pandemic and doesn't seem to have got started again properly. I've only got a small number of friends and they've all got other things going on and don't have a lot of time for anything else. Friends I used to see quite regularly I hardly see now as they just don't have time. I worked all through the pandemic in the NHS which was pretty stressful, and I went through a very stressful house move at the same time.

I feel like I've been sinking lower and lower for months and now I just feel the despair and hopelessness every day, thankfully not for the whole day, but every day. My GP has referred me for counselling which I hope will start soon. Even though I feel lonely and know I need to socialise more, it's very hard to do that because although I can keep it together for an hour or two in a social situation after that I start to feel panicky or tearful. I haven't really been able to talk to any of my friends about it because there hasn't been a suitable moment, they don't have time, or they don't seem to want to know.

I keep making myself do things that help a bit like going out for a run or bike ride, although the weather is often too bad at the moment, going to a cafe for coffee and cake. It does make me feel a bit better, but it doesn't get rid of the loneliness, and I wake up every day feeling hopeless. I feel like I'm just hanging on for the counselling to start and hopefully that will help.

@Splonker . I'm so sorry x
I know just how hard it is. Being touch starved is just awful. People say that I should ask others for a hug like a colleague but it would feel weird and perhaps inappropriate and I'm guessing the hug would just be a light, barely there one which most people give. That isn't enough and I'm not ashamed to say that.

I felt like this for a long time so know the feeling well. All I can say is it can change. Life has a funny way of throwing you a lifeline when you least expect it

Perhaps the answer is to accept that we ALL come into the world alone, and we ALL leave it the same way. Even if we have friends or family, once we die they will move on without us, which is absolutely how it should be. I think we all need to cultivate the ability to enjoy our lives alone, because the alternative is to risk becoming over-dependent on others and then being disappointed or let down.

My heart goes out to you.

I'm a single mum with no extended family and I have really felt it this Christmas.
I have had nights when I have cried alone (after the children had gone to bed).

I am lucky that I do have two close friends and I really value their support.
I sometimes worry that I am a burden to them and I do distance myself at times, but I am getting better at valuing myself as a person (after years of being told how worthless I was by my ex).

Please know that you are never alone.
Joining a support group on facebook for others in my situation (in my case being mum to a child with SEN) really helped me to feel less isolated.

That's why it's best to owe money to a few people. They are usually the first to come checking on you! ;)