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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you if something you did/wanted at 16 could be made permanent for life.

55 replies

OneOfThoseOldFashionedWomen · 20/12/2022 18:37

IABU What I wanted at 16 is the same as what I want now I'm an adult

YANBU 16 was a time of fun and exploration, tf I moved on from it.

At 16 I wanted to marry my first boyfriend, he didn't like my family or my friends but I was headover heels for him. I wanted to leave school and get a job looking after dogs and we had named our future children which I wanted as soon as possible, I wanted to tatoo his name on my back.

I am very grateful that my teenage self was left to grow up, are you?

OP posts:
decemberagain · 20/12/2022 18:42

At 16 I wanted to marry my first boyfriend. We did get married and Now 24 years later we are still very happy.
Doesn't mean it would have been a good idea for everyone though so not sure I can vote either way!

Choconut · 20/12/2022 18:47

At 16 I'd never had a boyfriend! I was just starting to drink, party and have fun. I was a child and I wouldn't want anything I did to be permanent! I had no real idea who I was or what I wanted.

smileandsing · 20/12/2022 18:49

I guess this is inspired by the debate currently going on in the Scottish Parliament?

YANBU. What I wanted at 16 or even 18 was nothing like what I wanted in my early twenties. You don't know who you are at 16, you're only just starting out in the world and need time to grow into your adult self.

StillWeRise · 20/12/2022 18:50

There aren't many examples really are there
I chose my a level subjects- I will always have those a levels, and they shaped what happened next, but I could always do new ones
Marriage- you can get divorced- and can you still marry at 16? I don't think so

Most mistakes you make at that age can be fixed or reversed.

But I know what you are referring to and as we know even at 18 people make decisions they regret.

,

DrLecter · 20/12/2022 18:51

I'm ambivalent. At 16, I was the untrammelled version of myself, who hadn't yet been worn down by unrelenting realism. I want to have her uncompromising ambition and drive and sense of power back. I don't necessarily want the things she wanted.

Purplechicken207 · 20/12/2022 18:53

I wanted to be liked and was a desperate people pleaser. I wanted to never be shouted at and made to feel stupid and small ever again. I made stupid choices to try and follow both, including welding myself to someone who turned out to actually be all the things i didnt want. Thankfully nothing permanent and despite them leading me into a crap marriage (not at age 16 I should say!) I LTB and now v happy with amazing DH.
Looking back most of us are a bit cringe and/or immature at 16. So glad I'm not that person any more

Chattycathydoll · 20/12/2022 18:54

What I wanted at 16 was by and large the same as what I want now, I just didn’t know how to get it. I’ve now sorted my life out and am generally happy with it- my job, my home, my relationship and friends- and I ended up reevaluating where I was based on those 16 year old self goals, they’re what I achieved and what made my life so happy. I live in the area I always wanted to, have a wonderful partner with the kind of dynamic I used to daydream about thinking it could never be real, and work in the industry I wanted but thought wasn’t for the likes of me. I don’t know how standard this is but learning to trust myself and learning I was right all along was a big part in making positive decisions.

jclm · 20/12/2022 18:54

YABU (at least from my personal experience). At 16 I was incredibly driven to succeed in my A levels and move away to university. I had two part time jobs and the rest of my time I studied hard. If only I had the same work ethic now!

neverendinglauaundry · 20/12/2022 18:55

At 16 I wanted to do well at school, leave the shitty area I grew up in and go to university. Longer term I wanted to fall in love, have kids, travel and do work that was helpful to the world in some way.
I also wanted to drink all the vodka, see all the bands and be liked by everyone.
All understandable stuff I think.

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 20/12/2022 19:07

At sixteen, I was completely independent, living on my own in a strange city where I didn't know anyone.

So if this is something to do with 16 year olds not being mature enough, they've already been considered to be so for all of my lifetime.

I wasn't left to grow up. I had to get myself together, quickly. I find it bizarre seeing 17 year olds being ordered around by their parents now. I have always made all my own decisions.

I have no weird tattoos because I couldn't afford them! There's very little help available for people of that age and a lot of restrictions which seemed hilarious to me then, and do now. I was allowed to live through real life trauma, but not allowed to play Grand Theft Auto? It makes no sense.

SnuggleBuggleBoo · 20/12/2022 19:17

It 16 I was seriously painfully broody. I mean it actually HURT that I didn't have a baby. I wouldn't have done much to prevent getting pregnant. Luckily the opportunity didn't come up!

Now, while I love children (and work with them!) I've made the decision not to have my own as I have absolutely terrible genetics, and feel the planet is quite populated enough! I would still love to foster and maybe adopt one day but that's way down the line, if it happens at all.

TheMatriarchy · 20/12/2022 20:35

At 16 I thought I never wanted children, I would have chosen a lifetime of sterility instead of having a baby. By the time I was 25 I was seriously broody. It's far too young to make life changing choices.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 20/12/2022 22:59

At 16 I wanted to be a dancer. I got into a very prestigious dance college. I then left after less than a term because tbh I just couldn't settle. I didn't want to board there so I had a really long journey and was exhausted all the time. I got quire depressed I think.

Personally I think had I gone a year later, I would have been fine. 16 is very young to be making big decisions that'll have a profound affect on your life. Especially when you've had a very easy ride of it till then, like I did.

Lottieskeeper · 20/12/2022 23:12

At 16 I desperately wanted to have my nose pierced but my mum said I couldn't and I was too much of a good girl to go behind her back.

I finally got it done this year for my 40th birthday without telling anyone.
My husband was horrified but my mum agrees that it does suit me and actually it wouldn't have been a terrible thing to do at 16.

daretodenim · 20/12/2022 23:25

I'm not making this up, it's true. Possible TW

At 16, I wanted to die. I was self-harming (waaaaaay before it was 'cool'). I was in a lot of pain and had (C)PTSD that was diagnosed as depression (in fairness I think PTSD couldn't be given as a diagnosis for kids then) and the flashbacks were so normal I didn't know I wasn't supposed to have them. So the psychological help I received was not that useful.

I had been sexually harassed and assaulted since I was 12 and was hiding my body, specially my breasts, as much as I could (not the PTSD cause) - baggy clothes and high necklines. I thought I was ugly as hell. Was totally info Nirvana, just before they became famous. I was in the grunge scene but usually only wore trousers with baggy jumpers.

At 16, in those conditions, if anybody had suggested I'd been born in the wrong body and could get my breasts removed, I'd have a) worshipped them and b) done anything they said if I thought they would help me. I was fantasising about unzipping my body and stepping out of it, with my "real body"
In display underneath.

I'm not always glad I survived, worse was to come, but I did and I'm VERY GLAD that I didn't undertake surgery or take any medications/hormones that would have given the temporary illusion of escape. Having surgery wouldn't have changed much of what came later, it would have just added one big complication to my life, detrimentally impacting all the bad things!

So I'm very, very glad I couldn't make any serious decisions then!

tiredpuppymum · 20/12/2022 23:28

At 16 I wanted to be a midwife, have a better boyfriend than the one I had, have a beautiful house and 3 children.

At 26 I am a midwife, have a much better boyfriend who I own a nice house with, and am now 50/50 on having children.

I've never thought of it before but I suppose 16 year old me was fairly sensible! Years 17-22 I was much less so, but atleast I had fun!

I suspect if the same question was asked about 20 year old me my answer would be different as it involved worse boys and a few more questionable decisions but there we go. It all turned out ok.

Verbena87 · 20/12/2022 23:35

The big things are the same (I’m largely heterosexual, I wanted to be a mother, I want close relationships with family, I need to draw and make stuff, I like being outside) - some things have changed: I’m less serious, less bothered about grammar, and the boyfriend I had isn’t the one I married (although we’re still friends and he’s a really decent human: if we’d had to get married we’d have made a good go of it I think, just probably wouldn’t be as keen to shag him)

thenewduchessoflapland · 20/12/2022 23:43

decemberagain · 20/12/2022 18:42

At 16 I wanted to marry my first boyfriend. We did get married and Now 24 years later we are still very happy.
Doesn't mean it would have been a good idea for everyone though so not sure I can vote either way!

Snap;only difference is we've been together 22 years.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 20/12/2022 23:59

At 16 I wanted to leave schools as soon as I got A levels and never step foot in a school again. I longer term wanted get married, have lots of babies, live far away from where I grew up.

Turns out I hate living with people, don't want kids (they're too needy) and am buying a house about 5 mins walk from my mum's. And I'm a teacher (16yo me would be horrified by that more than anything).

Zimtsterne · 21/12/2022 01:18

TheMatriarchy · 20/12/2022 20:35

At 16 I thought I never wanted children, I would have chosen a lifetime of sterility instead of having a baby. By the time I was 25 I was seriously broody. It's far too young to make life changing choices.

Absolutely the same. I hated periods and was horrified by the thought of childbirth. If I'd been offered a hysterectomy, I'd have taken it.

By 20 I didn't care about periods, minor annoyance at most. By 24 I kind of wanted a baby, and by 26 I had one. By 30 I had two.

Now in my 40s I'll be kind of sad to say goodbye to periods, in a weird way. It's been a process over all these years of understanding and appreciating being female. 16 is no age at all for knowing who you are and what you want out of life.

NumberTheory · 21/12/2022 04:27

At 16 I wanted excitement and travel, friends and a career.

My goals changed over time and I ended up with travel and excitement, friends and a career. But then I had kids and lost the excitement, travel and career. I'm in my 50s now and would quite like them back.

sashh · 21/12/2022 04:48

I desperately wanted to leave school and work. If I had to stay in education I wanted to do an art course. I was good at art and at computer science and I could see a future for those combined skills.

I also wanted to have my teeth fixed.

I spent 2 miserable years not very often attending a VI form I hated and got dismal A Level results.

I finally got my teeth fixed in my 40s.

Skethylita · 21/12/2022 06:58

I knew exactly what I wanted from life at 16. I'm now a few decades older and it was at 16 that I set the wheels in motion for everything I have achieved now, including which country to settle down in and what career to have. My ideas of family life have shifted a few times and I'm still not sure what I want in that regard, even 2 children later!

lifeinthehills · 21/12/2022 07:03

I knew what I wanted at 16. The adults in my life pushed me in a different direction but now, in my late 40s, I'd still love the career I'd have chosen at 16.

I also wanted to get married and have children. I did that not so long after and am still happy with that.

Coffeetree · 21/12/2022 07:03

At 16 I really wanted to be a lawyer but I thought that was only for smart, confident people. One of my teachers encouraged me but my parents completely freaked out, like "Who do you think you are?"

I retrained and qualified in my 40s and now I teach law.