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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you if something you did/wanted at 16 could be made permanent for life.

55 replies

OneOfThoseOldFashionedWomen · 20/12/2022 18:37

IABU What I wanted at 16 is the same as what I want now I'm an adult

YANBU 16 was a time of fun and exploration, tf I moved on from it.

At 16 I wanted to marry my first boyfriend, he didn't like my family or my friends but I was headover heels for him. I wanted to leave school and get a job looking after dogs and we had named our future children which I wanted as soon as possible, I wanted to tatoo his name on my back.

I am very grateful that my teenage self was left to grow up, are you?

OP posts:
nancyglancy · 21/12/2022 07:15

I was incredibly naive and easily influenced at 16. I went to university at 17 with no idea of who I was and what I wanted. At twenty, I was offered breast reduction surgery on the nhs. I was told I would likely be unable to breast feed. I turned it down. The decision felt too much. I was wise but the choice was the easy one by default. Our culture on what is accepted and lauded has (sadly) changed.

dolor · 21/12/2022 07:21

You'll just have to get over what happened in Scotland yesterday, I assume that's what this thinly veiled nonsense is.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️😎🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 21/12/2022 07:24

I still want most of the same things and I still haven't got them 32 years later Sad

Lemonyfuckit · 21/12/2022 07:30

I think at 16 I had some inkling that I didn't yet really know who I was or what I wanted from life as I know I chose my A level subjects specifically with a view to keeping a range of degrees I could go in to apply for, and my degree specifically so I could go on to look at a range of career options. I was very inexperienced romantically so I don't think I had any delusions that whoever I had a huge crush on at the time was the person I thought I wanted to spend my life with.

whattodo1975 · 21/12/2022 07:37

How old was boyfriend OP? I am
going to assume he wasn’t also 16.

doingitforyorkshire · 21/12/2022 07:40

At 16 I had a boyfriend I thought was a tosser and then dumped him, years later I ended up with someone like this again (early 20's) and it took longer to dump him ironically. However, whilst I didn't know what I would end up doing, I do remember having plenty of ideas and from what I recall them being I did do them all so my ideals were there at 16 and I didn't know how to get there etc.

anyolddinosaur · 21/12/2022 08:08

At 16 I was desperate to escape home and poverty - I chose to do so but working hard at school and going to university. Had I chosen to do so by getting pregnant that would have been a stupid and irreversible choice. At 16 my child was doing stupid things that could have permanently damaged their life - as good parents we did the best we could to prevent irreversible bad choices and to recover from the reversible ones. It cost us a lot of time, money and grief to reverse some bad choices just a year or two after they were made when our child grew up enough to realise they wanted something different.

Children differ but most are doing stupid things at 16 and realise that by the time they reach 25. They need to be protected from irreversible damage. The Scottish Parliament fail to appreciate the difference between choices that are reversible and those that are not. Personally I dont believe children should be married at 16 or fighting a war at 16 but unless killed in a war they are reversible choices. Children need to be protected from adults who wish to harm them by affirming choices they may rapidly regret.

Squashpocket · 21/12/2022 08:52

To be honest I probably didn't start making reliably good decisions based on sound judgement until I was about 25. Late 30s now and more or less the same as I was then.

Before that whether I made the right choices was based mainly on luck and blindly following social convention.

Rainbowshit · 21/12/2022 09:04

Ugh when I think of the stupid things I did when I was 16!!🙈

I would have happily chosen sterility too. I remember saying in an interview that I would never have kids and the interviewer saying too early to make that decision.

He was right. I have two amazing children and if it wasn't for my age and financial/practical considerations I'd have another.

Username917778 · 21/12/2022 09:14

At 16 I was determined to get tattoos of stars on my knuckles, to the point I'd draw them on every day to prove to my mum I was serious. I genuinely did that for about a year. I also wanted a small tattoo saying "vegan" on my wrist, in case of some emergency where I couldn't tell people. Spoiler: stopped being vegan 4 years later.

Thank my lucky stars I couldn't make these decisions at 16!!!

caroleanboneparte · 21/12/2022 09:17

I wanted a baby.

Back then having a baby meant a council house and benefits with no requirement to work until the child was 16.

TheWorstWeek · 21/12/2022 09:28

At 16 I wanted to marry my first real boyfriend and 17 years later we've been happily married for 8 and have two DC. That was one thing I was sure of. I did however think I wanted an entirely different career that I could never in a million years imagine doing now.

handbagsandholidays · 21/12/2022 09:39

At 16 I wanted to marry my first boyfriend. I'm now 30 and we are still together, married for 13 years and have just had baby number 2. X

PureBlackVoid · 21/12/2022 09:39

I wanted live on my own and cut my family off because they wouldn’t let me stay out all night, drink, take drugs, hang around with street gangs, date who I want i.e, older drug taking men. All things widely acceptable where I went to school/grew up. In my mind, it was controlling emotional abuse, and I hated my life.

I am so grateful my mum cared enough to stop me, and didn’t have the ‘MYOB’ mentality when it came to parenting.

SlipperyLizard · 21/12/2022 09:43

At 16 I wasn’t ever going to have children or get married. I had decided I definitely didn’t want to be a solicitor. At 18 I got a tattoo that I spent about 5 minutes choosing in a v dodgy studio.

I’m now married, with 2 kids, and I’m a solicitor.

The only thing I don’t regret about the tattoo is that I was at least sensible enough to get it where it can’t be seen, even in swimwear.

Whatever your thoughts about gender recognition generally, no one sensible should be suggesting that 16 year olds are mature enough to “change gender” legally.

Ineedtocleanmywoodenblinds · 21/12/2022 09:44

At 16 I left my dysfunctional family home and moved to the other side of the country. In hindsight I was much too young to do this and I can't believe my parents let me do it (well I can but that's another story!) but I'm glad I did it, I've made some mistakes along the way but I'm happy with where I am now.

Also at 16 I was madly in love with a total wrong 'un, had awful hair extensions and worked in retail (which FYI I loved) and glad to report my career, love life and hair have greatly improved. :)

Bonjovispyjamas · 21/12/2022 09:48

At 16, I wanted to marry Tony Hadley 🤣 At 56, not so much.

Rainbowshit · 21/12/2022 10:14

SlipperyLizard · 21/12/2022 09:43

At 16 I wasn’t ever going to have children or get married. I had decided I definitely didn’t want to be a solicitor. At 18 I got a tattoo that I spent about 5 minutes choosing in a v dodgy studio.

I’m now married, with 2 kids, and I’m a solicitor.

The only thing I don’t regret about the tattoo is that I was at least sensible enough to get it where it can’t be seen, even in swimwear.

Whatever your thoughts about gender recognition generally, no one sensible should be suggesting that 16 year olds are mature enough to “change gender” legally.

Not only do scotgov think that they are also talking about allowing 16 year olds to become MSPs and make terrible decisions that will permanently affect all of the people of Scotland.

While also simultaneously wanting them to have a named person to oversee them until they are 25.

Just some of the batshittery coming out of the Scottish parliament. 🤔

happiertimes123 · 21/12/2022 10:17

Well at 16 I did quite literally want to transition from female to male so...

FOJN · 21/12/2022 11:00

dolor · 21/12/2022 07:21

You'll just have to get over what happened in Scotland yesterday, I assume that's what this thinly veiled nonsense is.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️😎🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

The Scottish Parliament voted against an amendment to stop convicted sex offenders obtaining a GRC to conceal their identity and past crimes.
A DBS or Scottish equivalent will be useless for safeguarding once a convicted sex offender obtains a GRC because the system relies on the individual being honest about their previous names.

I'm not sure why you think this helps anyone but sexual predators or why you think crowing about it on MN is a good look.

I'm also at a loss to understand why the Scottish Parliament thought supporting the amendment would discriminate against trans people unless they want the world to think trans and sexual predator are synonymous. Do they already believe this or did they intend to assist sexual predators at everyone else's expense? Either way the decision is bad news for everyone except sex offenders.

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 21/12/2022 11:07

At 16 I was finishing school and applying to colleges. My parents made me take business when I wanted to do psychology. I am now early 50's studying psychology so had they let me do it then I would not have to be doing it now.

DecayedStrumpet · 21/12/2022 11:28

I would happily have been sterilised at 16 as I was going to be far too busy picking up Nobel prizes etc for my glittering science career to bother with kids.

Not quite the way my life turned out...

RunLolaRun102 · 21/12/2022 11:32

My life is so much better now at 42 than 16. Nothing I wanted back then was worth keeping because I purposely kept my needs and wants miniscule to avoid being disappointed.

risefromyourgrave · 21/12/2022 11:37

I was an absolute fool at 16, if I had the life I wanted then now I would be completely miserable and maybe even dead. Surely most people look back at their younger selves and think ‘God, I was a bit of a daft twat then.’

TheLeadbetterLife · 21/12/2022 11:41

At 16 I desperately wanted Eric Cantona.

I'm 41 now, and I'd like to think it might still happen.

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