Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong or him

54 replies

snowisfallingallaround · 20/12/2022 00:22

I’ve been sleeping with somebody for around 6 months now. We do get on and he stays over for a few hours after but it’s been nothing more.

He usually gives me short notice when he wants to see me and almost expects it now that I will come and see him but it’s always for sex.

He lives very near by and sometimes he just says ‘I’ll pop up now, shall I’ or ‘as you know I can be there in ten minutes’. Sometimes if we are messaging, he will just walk straight up round to the back of my house and tell me he’s outside if I want him to come in but he can be very pushy sometimes and even though he gives me short notice he expects me to just want to see him. However, if I ever ask him it’s always a no or a maybe or a possibly.

He wanted to see me tonight but I didn’t reply as I was busy doing something but he wanted to nip up and he got really annoyed with me and said ‘frig it then, enjoy your Christmas anyway, see ya’

OP posts:
JoyBeorge · 20/12/2022 00:24

Sounds like a meaningful relationship based on mutual respect.

Greenshake · 20/12/2022 00:24

Well, you are either happy with this arrangement or you are not? Do you want more? If this isn’t working for you, walk away.

Azandme · 20/12/2022 00:26

Neither are in the wrong.

He's treating you the way you let him - as a booty call. You want more than he is willing to give, he can set his own rules - and so can you. You get to decide if you're willing to accept everything being one way or not.

I wouldn't, but then I wouldn't be just a booty call to start with.

Original poster
snowisfallingallaround · 20/12/2022 00:27

I did like him and I think he knew that but I think he has been taking advantage of me a bit because of it. I’m just shocked by his response tonight, I think he doesn’t like the feeling of rejection and he just wants me to come running when he clicks his fingers but I was fed up of doing that

OP posts:
Tiani4 · 20/12/2022 00:29

Oh what do you want from this ? As frankly you are a booty call that he can take or leave
Is this what you want? If not have some self respect and bin this dickwad

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 20/12/2022 00:29

It seems you have from the start had a FWB arrangement. And you’re annoyed because he doesn’t want anything more than that or just wants to use you as a walking vagina? Sorry but what do you expect with this kind of arrangement?

Original poster
snowisfallingallaround · 20/12/2022 00:29

Also, I just feel as though I’m the person he calls if he has nobody else to go to at the time or he thinks I’m just the easy option as he only has to walk up the road

OP posts:
Pushingdaisys · 20/12/2022 00:32

If you like him tell him and I’d his response is you were just a easy option ignore him in the future

Aquamarine1029 · 20/12/2022 00:32

It appears you have little to no self-respect. He views you as nothing more than a fuck doll. Don't you think you deserve better than that?

Pushingdaisys · 20/12/2022 00:33

I had this arrangement and we both knew what we was in it for he was my fuck doll too 😂

SemperIdem · 20/12/2022 00:34

This sounds like a friends with benefits situation that is no longer working for you - just shrug it off and disengage

JoyBeorge · 20/12/2022 00:36

snowisfallingallaround · 20/12/2022 00:29

Also, I just feel as though I’m the person he calls if he has nobody else to go to at the time or he thinks I’m just the easy option as he only has to walk up the road

But you ARE the person he calls if he has nobody else yo go to and the time and he does think you are easy. That's why he treats you like this. He wouldn't treat someone he respected this way. Raise the bar. You're worth more.

Stopthebusplease · 20/12/2022 00:40

He's shown you how he really feels about you. Sounds like you're well rid of him, and in future, try treating yourself with more respect, if you don't respect yourself, then no one else will I'm afraid. Sorry this and all the other responses are a bit harsh, but time to think about what you want out of life, and stop letting people use you.

Aprilx · 20/12/2022 00:42

snowisfallingallaround · 20/12/2022 00:29

Also, I just feel as though I’m the person he calls if he has nobody else to go to at the time or he thinks I’m just the easy option as he only has to walk up the road

I am sorry to say, but you are that person.

If you are not happy with the arrangement then end it.

Pixiedust1234 · 20/12/2022 00:47

He just wants sex. With you...or anyone who says yes. You want a relationship, with dates and mutual respect and caring. You want different things. Let this one go and find someone who actually cares about you.

strawberriesplease · 20/12/2022 00:48

It's not FWB as it's all on his terms and never on yours.

Why is your self esteem so low?

HappyAxolotl · 20/12/2022 01:35

He expects you to be available whenever he wants a shag but he refuses when you ask him over.
He is pushy.
He gets annoyed and rude with you when you are busy with something else and don't want to meet him.

Give this man the push. An FWB set up shouldn't be that complicated.

Justtoshare · 20/12/2022 02:12

You need to up your self-esteem and self respect. You deserve better than this I am sure. What do you get out of this situation? If nothing, end and find someone who wants ore than just sex on tap.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 20/12/2022 02:18

He sees you as a fuck buddy - nothing more.

I was involved with someone like this for almost a year, when I was (much) younger and couldn't see what he was doing. I always thought we'd be together someday.

He eventually dumped me as he said he was starting to 'take me into consideration' when making plans with his mates and he didn't want that 🧐. When he saw me moving on, he'd park up outside my house waiting for me to come back just so 'he could see I was ok'.

Do not do this to yourself, don't waste your time. You deserve better.

PinkSyCo · 20/12/2022 02:31

You want to know if you’re in the wrong for not being available to open your legs to this man this one time when he clicked his fingers? Really OP?

5moments · 20/12/2022 03:51

Even a friend with benefits should treat you with respect.

He sounds like an aggro wanker that you should block and never think of again.

tonystarksrighthand · 20/12/2022 03:53

snowisfallingallaround · 20/12/2022 00:29

Also, I just feel as though I’m the person he calls if he has nobody else to go to at the time or he thinks I’m just the easy option as he only has to walk up the road

You're right. That's exactly what it is!

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/12/2022 03:53

snowisfallingallaround · 20/12/2022 00:29

Also, I just feel as though I’m the person he calls if he has nobody else to go to at the time or he thinks I’m just the easy option as he only has to walk up the road

So why do you want anything to do with him?

Shoxfordian · 20/12/2022 04:53

Do you want a relationship because it doesn’t sound like this is going to result in one? Stop being so accessible; you’re not just there for his convenience

DumpIing · 20/12/2022 05:00

And what’s he saving up for with all the money he’s saving on prostitutes?

Because it very much sounds like that’s how he’s treating you.