Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset with DH?

53 replies

thesurreymum · 19/12/2022 20:57

DH has agreed to be someone's guarantor for a rental property even though I asked him not to. Am I right to be annoyed?

For context. We run a construction company, I say we as I do all of the paperwork side and he does the physical work. Everything we have is joint in terms of finances etc. He is self-employed and he has two men who also work with him self employed. One of the guys is struggling to get a rental property, his wife is heavily pregnant. Weeks ago when he first mentioned it, I said look we can provide a reference that he's been working x amount of time and is paid x amount and work is ongoing. However don't agree to be a guarantor.

My reasoning is anything can happen unforeseen and we are then left with the responsibility of paying the rent which we just wouldn't be able to afford. Secondly DH has been let down by previous people who have worked with him. He is currently owed thousands by someone who worked with him previously and has basically done a runner.

Over the years there has been other situations where DH has helped colleagues, friends, relatives and they've let him down and it's brought a lot of stress to us.

DH won't go back on his word to this guy now.

Am I right to be annoyed that DH has gone against what I've said and not even discussed it with me first that he agreed to do it? I only know because the email from the agency came to our work email.

OP posts:
Morechocmorechoc · 19/12/2022 20:58

I'd be walking away this is huge breach in trust.

Yoyooo · 19/12/2022 20:58

You run a company but he is self employed? What about the 2 guys who work for him? Should they not be employees?

MulledWineAndMingePies · 19/12/2022 21:01

Noooo I'd be so cross!

it's ok to do it - when both people are in agreement!

SarahMused · 19/12/2022 21:05

To be a guarantor you have to supply evidence that you can afford to pay the rent if the tenant defaults. If, as you say you can’t afford to do that, he can’t be a guarantor anyway. If he does manage to be accepted you can purchase guarantor insurance which pays out if the tenant defaults. Obviously costs money but nothing like paying someone else’s rent for months on end.

Windtunnel · 19/12/2022 21:13

I sometimes do hasty "good" things and can't bear that DH isn't as "good" as me. Don't know if I'm feeding my ego or have a problem or what.

But regardless of his offer which hopefully shows he is kind and trusting (maybe one of the reaspns why you married him?), this sounds high-handed of your DH, he has gone above your head.

Aprilx · 19/12/2022 21:19

Of course you are right to be annoyed, he is about to put you on the hook for some random persons rent! If he hadn’t actually signed anything yet, I would be telling him that he has a choice between saying no to his colleague or ending his marriage.

livelollove · 19/12/2022 22:29

YANBU. Does he realise he would be liable for the full rent for the tenancy term if the tenant doesn't pay?? That's a lot of money!

gamerchick · 19/12/2022 22:35

Yeah and they don't contact you if they miss a month. You get bailiffs when they're about to be evicted for the full amount owed going on telly programs.

I think I'd be separating my interests from someone so gullible tbh. That's people pleasing on a grand scale.

WineCap · 19/12/2022 22:47

I would be furious. He clearly has very little respect for you.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 19/12/2022 23:27

What exactly has he signed and is he even know?

It is an opened ended guarantee with no specific amount or time line?

There's a big difference between that and guaranteeing 6months rent maced at a specific amount etc.

I would be so pissed off with him.

Original poster
thesurreymum · 20/12/2022 07:43

Thank you for all the replies and helpful information. He said this morning he won't back down about it. I am gutted that he has gone against my wishes and will put someone he has known for 18months or so above me.

He hasn't even asked how long the contract is for or anything!

OP posts:
Logginglogger · 20/12/2022 07:45

God what an idiot he is. You can only hope nothing happens , because you will owe thousands

thelobsterquadrille · 20/12/2022 07:46

I'd honestly consider ending my marriage over this. That's a huge breach of trust and could put your family in serious debt if this guy doesn't pay his rent.

Alexandernevermind · 20/12/2022 07:52

You run a company but he is self employed? What about the 2 guys who work for him? Should they not be employees? it's likely to be a case of dh is running his business as a sole trader and his staff are working for him on a sub contract basis. It isn't unusual for small businesses to work this way and there isn't anything untoward about it, especially with the irregular or weather dependent construction industry.

liarliarshortsonfire · 20/12/2022 08:18

I'd be splitting the finances from my dh. You each get an equal share of wages etc out of the business, you have a business account that has to have both signatures and the same for the bills account for the house and holidays etc. anything left over is split 50/50 so if it goes tits up with the rental or he decides to loan money again it comes out of his pot

somewhereovertherain · 20/12/2022 08:22

No fucking way I’d guarantee any debt for anyone else. I’d even question doing it for my kids.

my rule is simple id only lend money I’m willing to not get back. No way I’m writing a blank cheque for anyone.

Karwomannghia · 20/12/2022 08:26

Very kind thing to do but also extremely risky. I’d be upset too. At least it isn’t a mortgage so if he does miss rental payments he won’t have to pay for too long. Not much of a condolence.

MyBooksAndMyCats · 20/12/2022 08:30

I'd be telling him if he agrees you'll be separating in your finances because it's unfair and he'll be left with thousands to pay if they don't pay their rent.

Honestly who puts a 18 month friendship before their own family? It's insane!

WhatevaTreva · 20/12/2022 21:57

Can I just say how kind he is to do this. I’ve been in the situation before where I’ve needed a guarantor and been heavily pregnant, so I know how the other bloke is feeling. I didn’t however know how risky it was until just now having read these comments. The insurance sounds like a good idea. Maybe he could say to the bloke he will be a guarantor as long as he gives your OH the money each month to pay for the insurance. Sounds like a far trade?
you’re lucky to be with a man so thoughtful and considerate to others. Going behind your back however is another issue entirely

WhatevaTreva · 20/12/2022 21:57

Fair trade *

Stopthebusplease · 20/12/2022 22:04

As it's not the first time he's made this sort of mistake OP, if he were my H he would soon be an X!! To loan money once, and be let down is a mistake, but to not learn from it, is just plain foolish. As for not even discussing it with you, I would be telling him that he obviously values his work mates more than his wife, and as that's the case, he can go and live with them, as he'll likely soon be paying their rent anyway. What an idiot!! Sorry OP, but this sort of thing makes me mad as hell.

Original poster
thesurreymum · 21/12/2022 07:44

He's filled in all the paperwork to be the guarantor. He doesn't think he has done anything wrong and thinks I'm being unreasonably and is upset that I've lost it with him! We had a blazing row about it last night, so not really sure where we go from here now! He clearly values his friendship more than me.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 07:50

WhatevaTreva · 20/12/2022 21:57

Can I just say how kind he is to do this. I’ve been in the situation before where I’ve needed a guarantor and been heavily pregnant, so I know how the other bloke is feeling. I didn’t however know how risky it was until just now having read these comments. The insurance sounds like a good idea. Maybe he could say to the bloke he will be a guarantor as long as he gives your OH the money each month to pay for the insurance. Sounds like a far trade?
you’re lucky to be with a man so thoughtful and considerate to others. Going behind your back however is another issue entirely

I've never rented, but I agree with the above poster.

Your husband is very kind.

But he shouldn't have gone behind your back.

Bingbangbongbash · 21/12/2022 07:52

Ah, the spirit of Christmas is strong in this post. I think your husband has done something kind for a family that finds itself in difficult circumstances. I’d be questioning if I could be with someone so selfish, if I were him. It’s not his fault someone stole money from you previously. I think it’s wonderful he still wants to use his own good fortune - from his hard work - to help others. Would you rather see a family homeless on a ‘what if’?

Buy the guarantee insurance and dock the guy’s wages to cover it, Scrooge.

Amazongirl9 · 21/12/2022 08:00

I’m with you OP. Basically he just potentially handed this guy a years (or whatever the length of the contract is) rent. If he needs a guarantor he’s a bad bet, guarantors are needed for a reason. It’s a shame the person he’s being guarantor for is in a bad situation, but your DH is making his problem your problem. Hopefully your finances will say you aren’t suitable once the checks are done. Do you know how much you are in for if this person doesn’t pay their rent?

Swipe left for the next trending thread