AIBU to be upset with DH?

[thesurreymum]

DH has agreed to be someone's guarantor for a rental property even though I asked him not to. Am I right to be annoyed?

For context. We run a construction company, I say we as I do all of the paperwork side and he does the physical work. Everything we have is joint in terms of finances etc. He is self-employed and he has two men who also work with him self employed. One of the guys is struggling to get a rental property, his wife is heavily pregnant. Weeks ago when he first mentioned it, I said look we can provide a reference that he's been working x amount of time and is paid x amount and work is ongoing. However don't agree to be a guarantor.

My reasoning is anything can happen unforeseen and we are then left with the responsibility of paying the rent which we just wouldn't be able to afford. Secondly DH has been let down by previous people who have worked with him. He is currently owed thousands by someone who worked with him previously and has basically done a runner.

Over the years there has been other situations where DH has helped colleagues, friends, relatives and they've let him down and it's brought a lot of stress to us.

DH won't go back on his word to this guy now.

Am I right to be annoyed that DH has gone against what I've said and not even discussed it with me first that he agreed to do it? I only know because the email from the agency came to our work email.

They are not homeless they are in a shared house with a relative. Not ideal with a baby on the way but there not on the streets! Worst case scenario if they don't pay and we can't pay, circumstances can change very quickly then it can affect our credit, mortgage etc. would you risk your family for someone who isn't even related to you?

He is very kind and I know it's coming from a good place but surely as a partnership BIG decisions like this should be joint.

I told him a month ago I wasn't happy with it and he went behind by back and did it anyway regardless of my feelings. I don't think many people would be happy with this!

I think you start untangling your finances as he is obviously content to hypothetically spend vast amounts of shared funds.

Thank you! Their rent is £1250 a month and it's a 12 month contract. I will look into the insurance that you can apparently get.

This has disaster written all over it.
What if he has to sack the guy for some reason and then he stops paying rent as a fuck you?

The other way to look at it is that he disagreed with you, and since this isn’t something where compromise is possible - you either are a guarantor or you are not - he made a different decision. If you were posting that ‘DH refuses to let me help a colleague’, there would be accusations of control and cries of LTB.

You didn’t want to help, he did. Would I be worried? Of course. Possible even annoyed. But I would also be proud of my husband for helping out someone less fortunate. He presumably has the mental ability to make judgements on this couple’s character and weigh up both sides of the argument.

I’m sure that the guarantor insurance won’t be that much - my landlord rent guarantee insurance is only a couple of hundred pounds a year - and you can be assured this guy will work harder than ever before.

Your husband did something kind - you can either continue to be pissed off, or you can reframe it and revel in the glory of having bagged a good one.

Tell him you're going to start taking a wage from the business as an employee and you're instigating a divorce so you're not financially liable for his reckless decisions.

Or possibly his autonomy and freedom to act in line with his conscience? Or maybe he just has a big saviour complex?

Ultimately this is about how money is handled in your relationship. Do you pool everything, decide everything collectively? Do you run all your business decisions past him? If the answers to these is "yes" then he hadn't a leg to stand on. If you do enjoy a degree of autonomy about your financial decisions then it's a little more complex.

‘If he needs a guarantor, he’s a bad bet’

Well this isn’t true, is it? Most landlord insurance requires an onerous earning threshold - something like 30 times the monthly rent - or a guarantor.

Perhaps if his wage was higher, or he was offered employment instead of insecure self-employment, he wouldn’t need a guarantor.

Bit of an overreaction.

Good is lovely. Handing a pile of cash to a charity etc because you can afford it is one thing, that is good. This is stupidity, unless DH is prepared to hand over 15k, because he’s being nice. Hope you can get insurance OP. I’d be furious having to run around trying to slam the gates on his stupidity. Can you afford worse case scenario? It might be ok, but what if it’s not.

He'd be looking for a new accountant, admin, secretary and office manager if he were my DH.
Can HIS business stand to lose £15k AND you?
I assume you have a contract and take a salary and pension contributions etc from his business? If not, you need to put that in place NOW.

So neither this man nor his pregnant wife could find anyone in their own two families to go guarantor? That would be a bad sign for me. Your husband has overstepped the mark here and I hope his trusting nature won't be his downfall.

It's not being Scrooge to not want to risk your families finances on a stranger 🤣🤣

He's a naive idiot. And disrespectful to you.

It is being Scrooge when the actual cost will be in the region of a few hundred pounds for insurance.

And hardly a stranger.

Stop being so hyperbolic, it’s daft.

@Bingbangbongbash As someone who knows about guarantor insurance could you post a link. That could be really helpful and reassuring to the OP.

What a dick…..

He has basically signed himself up to not being able to sack this person for the next 12 months. So not only is it a money issue, but if this person fucks up enough at work to he dropped, he could just stop paying his rent and screw the business over even more.

I wouldn't be at all happy with this. OP's H has been legged over multiple times in the past but still he does this, which potentially exposes him to £15k of liability on the basis of a 12m let. He may as well get "MUG" tattooed on his forehead.

It's not daft or hyperbolic. He's putting himself (and his family) in a really risky situation for an employee who could up and leave tomorrow, leaving him owing 15 grand for rent for a year.

There's absolutely no guarantee the insurance will pay out so saying "just get insurance" is a bit silly. Insurance companies are known for trying to avoid paying out at all costs.

He's also put himself in the position where he can't sack or discipline this chap for a year in case he disappears and doesn't pay the rent. There's a reason employers shouldn't get involved in the personal finances of their employees - it's a recipe for disaster and blurs the line between personal and professional.

Is it possible that it’s less about him valuing this friend over you, and more about him being unable to say no to his face?

My ex always had the need to be seen as Mr. Nice Guy, but that extended even to door to door salesmen. His go to became I must ask my wife when he wanted to say no, but didn’t want to be the meanie. I ended taking on the role of the killjoy, so my husband could carry on being seen as lovely.

This is slightly different to feeling being put on the spot when being asked a favour that you don’t know how to get out of. I recently ended up doing some dog sitting for someone from 6am to 9pm at their home 40 mins away as a favour because I didn’t know how to say no to them.

If your dh will admit that he just didn’t know how to say no, rather than thinking it’s a risk free decision, it might be easier to learn from this and work out how to negotiate the next time something like this comes along again.

Jesus. He’s a mug.

Whilst his heart may be in the right place, I don't think you can call him a good one if makes large financial decisions by himself that could come back and bite his family.

The problem is, some people are too "kind" for their own good. Even if it means shafting those they are married to. Some people would do anything to be seen as the kind, generous, helpful savior to get the admiration for doing so, without actually considering the consequences.

OP - going against you despite the fact you're married is a dick move and you know this. Such a big financial commitment should be agreed on by both parties.

Secondly though, does he actually understand the terms he's agreeing to? The fact that at any point, if this couple stop paying their rent he will have to pay the rest of the term in full?

If he understood this, knew you weren't in agreement and still did it anyway, I'd be looking to go to a Solicitor with him to seperate your financial obligations, either by divorce or another method if this is possible (I'm not a lawyer)! You don't have to seperate and leave the relationship, but seperating your finances so you cannot be held responsible for any of this guarantor debt would show him that if he cannot respect you enough to discuss things like this, you have to protect yourself against any bad financial decisions he might make.

Not only does this bloke have a guarantor, but he also has a job for the next 12 months. Your dh is unlikely to let him go if he'll end up paying his rent when he defaults

Very short sited