To ask family to not post photos of child online

[OptimusPrime31]

I'm about to be a ftm and my family in law are very active on Facebook and social media. I feel that privacy is very important and don't like the idea that my baby's childhood will be all over social media. Aibu to ask family not to post pictures online as I feel that if my child wants all those pictures publicly available they can decide that themselves when they are older.
My dh understands where I'm coming from but doesn't feel as strongly about it as I do.
I know I won't be able to ask that everything is taken off but limited would be appreciated.

Yabu= let them post what they want. It's not worth the agro.
Yanbu= tell them how you feel

We're the same - make it about your DC, so when they're old enough to consent then they can say whether they want photos online. It's a blanket 'no' until then

It's a bit precious

I am the world’s biggest over sharer but we have this rule too. Our DC are adopted so there was a security reason which made it easier to make the point.

It can help if you either set up a WhatsApp group for photos or a shared iCloud album for all the relatives - you can leave comments and likes and so on. So they can go crazy among themselves but it’s not out there for everyone to see.

I’m a MIL and made sure I asked before I posted anything. My privacy settings are as high as possible but I didn’t want to presume. DIL & son were grateful I’d asked and I had the go ahead for the odd shot or two here and there. I completely understand where you’re coming from op.

Nope. It's odd to force children to have an online presence before they even know what that is.

Thanks for all your support. My family in law are normal people and will support my decision but I know they'll be surprised when I ask them as it wouldn't have occurred to them.

As people have said, you don't know what technology will be like in the future and the idea of a child's family photo album being online creeps me out a bit. But I have been known to be ott sometimes. It's good to know I'm not the only one

We’ve done exactly the same as @Happychapp and for the same reasons. I’ve had to ask relatives to take photos down but they’ve simply apologised and done so. I’ve found that new mum friends tend to ask before posting pics of play dates, so I suspect this stance is becoming more common.

Absolutely nothing precious about it.

Anyone who thinks that OP needs to ‘chill out’ is extremely sort sighted of how facial recognition and online footprints ARE being utilised and will continue to be.

Please don’t get me started on deep fakes and what will happen to even the cutesy ‘no-face’ shots of your child’s feet. Not to mention the implications for the metavetse.

And the amount of thickos who make a public Facebook or Instagram posts of their child’s full name and birthday when they are born just to use cutesy little emojis and show off their bundle.

Privacy will be at a premium in the future. If you want to share pictures of your baby with family- an iMessage or telegram or signal group will suffice. Anything out there on social media, you’re milking your baby for likes and social media klout at the detriment of your child’s privacy.

People are giving their child’s
privacy because ‘aaaaww cute pics look at my bebby’ and they don’t fully understand the implications.

When dc1 was little, we just said we won’t be posting them on SM, would they mind doing the same. They never have and has never been an issue for either child.

You are doing completely the right thing.

My mum kicked off, so I get it- but I pointed out how ridiculous she was as she literally just wanted to post my baby for bragging purposes. She was proud and in love with her- it was meant well, but it was really about showing off to Sue from work or Gloria from netball what a lovely DGD she had.

The compromise was that we allow her to upload special pictures or big events with baby’s face covered. We use software to do this where the emojis cannot be removed. We also have a family + in laws signal group where we share pictures of baby on there.

DH is in the tech industry so posting her on SM was
a completely no-no. His colleagues have the same rules for their families.

For me it's not even necessarily about future consequences, it's hard to envisage those when literally everyone else I know puts their kid online from birth and doesn't seem worried. It's about consent. He may be my child but I don't own him, he isn't my possession to show off, and he's far too young to be able to understand what it means to have his face out there on social media so he's too young to consent to it.

I don’t think your being unreasonable, but will your inlaws try to convince your husband to let them do it, or will he always agree with you?

YADNBU. My son is not allowed on the internet. My family and friends know this, nursery knows this.
If my mother had put hundreds of pictures and personal information about me on the internet when I was younger I'd be absolutely furious.
Once information is out there, you're never getting it back.

www.forbes.com/sites/jessicabaron/2018/12/16/parents-who-post-about-their-kids-online-could-be-damaging-their-futures/

Definitely just a blanket ban is easier and if you or your partner feel like creating a family WhatsApp group or other mechanism to share photos then go for it.
My family and in laws aren't wild about lots of our parenting decisions but we'll continue to do what we think is best, as they did/do for their children.

Yanbu, but yabu if you think you have any authority over this. You are relying on goodwill, which hopefully you will have from family. It won't be long before other parents at school are posting pics of your DC at their kids birthday parties etc., And there is very little you can do.

Thanks for your help everyone, you're advice on how to approach it with family is particularly helpful.

I know I won't be able to stop photos entirely and was wondering if it was even worth trying, but I guess if I make my feelings clear from the start then that will help.

@GoldenCagedBird hit the nail on the head when it feels like they're just posting photos to showboat to people at work or their neighbours.
It's also the idea of having a camera shoved in my face everything I pick my child up doesn't fill me with joy.

You really need to establish boundaries with these people and enforce them.
I would not allow this at all.

We have this rule. I can’t say they weren’t a bit confused at first but we explained and they got it. They’ve slipped up a couple of times but we’ve been firm and they get it. We use the app Back Then for about 20 close family and friends to see pictures of our daughter. When my daughter is of the age of understanding I will ask her what she wants us to do with that. We’ve decided no grey areas eg photos of back of head or emojis as it just felt too hard to police. I also don’t get too stressed by the odd pic of her at a (rare) family occasion eg wedding or 60th birthday if she’s in shot. My goal was to make sure that if she requested I could remove all pics of her from the Internet easily and therefore the best way to do that is to limit the volume and who posts them.

and you’re right - they just want to post loads of pics because they are proud and showing off. I said they can share pics in private WhatsApp convos with their friends, just not publicly.

Agree with @GoldenCagedBird

I can’t imagine how horrendous it might be for this generation of kids to have to do things like job hunt in the future when their entire lives are documented online, not to mention the effects on mental health that come from having little privacy and autonomy.

Thanks, I'll look into getting this app

100% agree with you OP. Hope your wish is always kept to.

Yanbu, I did this. Our kids have no Facebook presence and it's great! Everyone accepts it.

Hardly anyone I know puts pics of their kids on fb, and certainly not pics of other people’s. I’d say this is the norm nowadays. Yanbu.

We have the same rule. For the most part, family have listened, but sil was a pain for it until she had her own kids and realised why. The main problem we've had is class birthday parties and the host's posting pictures of the children attending. In the past we've had to ask the parents to remove those with our DC in and had very shitty responses. They don't really get invited anymore, which says a lot about the parents' attitudes, but isn't at all fair on the children.

Your baby your choice. I’m quite active on FB but my brother and SIL have never mentioned my 8mth nephew so I don’t either. I don’t need to be asked not to post photo’s