Am I being too harsh on my 5yo?

[PizzaPlease7]

DD is 5.5 years old and such a messy eater it drives me nuts. I’m not talking a few crumbs on the table when she gets up but all down her front, all over the floor and the table. If it’s something with a sauce or runny I have to put a large bib on her. I have tried to show her so many times how to eat without making a mess but she just doesn’t get it. I’m pregnant and it’s getting harder for me to be on my hands and knees after every meal/snack tidying up after her.

I do compare her to my eldest DD who is now 7 and at 5 years wasn’t making so much of a mess. My parents and DH think I’m being unreasonable and my expectations are too high, that it’s ‘just who she is’. I do lose my cool often because it gets so tiring constantly tidying up after her and then I feel guilty afterwards wondering if it’s normal for her age or not.

YABU - she’s only 5.5, cut her some slack

YANBU - by now she shouldn’t be making so much of a mess

Oh and it wouldn’t get flagged at school. Have you ever seen the floor in a school after lunch?? There will be loads of kids making the same or worse mess.

I have to say that all these diagnosis of dyspraxia are so bloody annoying.

Children are messy eaters. That doesn’t mean they have something wrong with them.

just let kids be kids without trying to diagnose all the time.

my 7 year old ends up with food all over his face, no matter what we eat. He manages to get it in his eyebrows almost always!

Comparing is a thief of joy. My 6.5 can do things my 9 year old can’t and vice versa. Because all kids develop differently.

I see your point. And I don't like to pathologise every child with this that and the other disorder. Besides, as I've said, one trait doesn't necessarily indicate a condition.
But if you've been an undiagnosed child, constantly picked apart for your "faults", and then discovered, aged 19, that most of it was due to a disability, you'd maybe be more likely to educate others on what might be. It might not be. OP's DC might be completely non-disabled, but maybe someone else will see the thread and think "oh, my DC might have that...". We don't get diagnosed on a whim, in fact it's usually very difficult and time-consuming to even access an assessment.

And by the way, there is nothing wrong with me. Well, not with regards to dyspraxia anyway. I'm disabled and neurodivergent, not broken.

my 7 year old ends up with food all over his face, no matter what we eat. He manages to get it in his eyebrows almost always!

I agree, this isn’t necessarily a sign of dyspraxia @celticprincess A seven year old who can’t eat without getting his face covered in food at every meal could also be suffering due to parenting fails… teach your child to eat properly maybe? Face covered in food at 7 years of age is taking the piss if it’s not a gross motor problem related.
I work in a school, often covering in the lunch hall - by the middle of reception year most 4/5 year olds can eat hot dinners without pasting their eyebrows in bolognese sauce.

Yeah cut her some slack.
How is she at school with school dinners etc?

In our house we have an Eating T-shirt for our 18 month old. This is just one of her 5 year old brothers age 4-5 T-shirts that he has outgrown with spiderman or a dark colour or something. We just put it over the top of whatever she's wearing. Job done. More comfy than a bib too?

Also if you're pregnant and she's currently getting a reaction from you about this, she could be doing it subconsciously on purpose to get attention from you, caused by anxiety about new arrival.
Sounds far fetched but is she getting enough one to one from you?

Maybe she has some hand to mouth coordination problem my daughters have poor eye sight due to nystagmus and they used to be like that she will grow out of it I'm sure my girls arnt as bad anymore they still now and again drop food x

The rest of your family can clean up after her since they think it's not a big deal.

Is she distracted while eating - screens, toys at the table, lots of laughing and playing around?

I think at 5 she should be able to make an effort not to create a mess, unless there's some underlying degree of dyspraxia or inability to pay attention.

Time for a trip to the Dr to have her fine motor skills tested. At almost 6 years old she should be able to eat a meal without slopping it all over the place.
Do you sit with her when she eats? Is she holding her utensils properly? Is she able to convey the food to her mouth without dropping or spilling?
is she just eating too fast or does she seem to be struggling with chewing / swallowing, she needs a proper assessment but until you can do that, make sure her food is chopped/cut up into small pieces so she can eat it from a bowl with a spoon, keep it simple.
Make sure she is high enough in her chair & close to the table , you may need a booster seat for her chair.

Where is your husband in all of this? You're shaming your daughter for something she can't control the struggling pregnant on hand and knees to clean up. Where her Dad and why isn't he helping more?

I have a pretty cheap vacuum from Amazon that is plug in but it's light weight and actually sticks up liquid too. It has a filter you can rinse. She might be able to wield that at the mess and cos it takes up wet too it won't matter if its sauce etc. Plus it comes on a pole so you could also use it standing up.

Also, what cutlery does she use? These are good to help her hold them better

as for the hair thing- time for a dinner hat! put her hair up in a ponytail and shove it though a baseball cap, that way most of her head is covered

I was going to ask about the cutlery she uses. Adult sized is quite difficult for a child.

Do not make mealtimes a battle ground. You will cause her to have issues with food/eating. She is still small and still learning. No good comes from comparing kids. Cut her some slack. Does she have easy grip children's cutlery? She may not have mastered dexterity and coordination yet. Kids make a mess. Deal with it.

Cut her some slack, put a pinny on her she will get better with time/age it’s just one of those things at the moment she’s not doing it on purpose by the sound of it

I think the more you focus on it, the harder it’s becoming for her to do better. It’s become a focus for everyone at the table, look how Much mess DD has created.
I’d stop focusing on it, just quietly at the end of the mealtime, explain that if there’s a mess DD needs to help clean it up.