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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

holidays with DC without the other parent

67 replies

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 10:05

COL and all that, been looking at holidays for next year. Havent booked anything yet but really need to. Am considering that from now on we try and take the kids away on our own without the other parent to cut costs. DH thinks it would be ridiculous but I dont see why. The kids will still get to go away and they are at an age when it's not so hard taking care of them on our own. Do other families go away without both parents to cut costs?

OP posts:

Ocrumbs · 18/12/2022 10:06

Why not just do 1 holiday with all of you?

NorthStarRising · 18/12/2022 10:08

No, but I’ve often gone on a holiday with just one of my children.
They are very different people and enjoy different things, so I’ll take one somewhere for a short break and focus on their interests.
Taking more than one child with only one adult might be very stressful.

NuffSaidSam · 18/12/2022 10:08

That sounds really odd if you all get on and it's just a money saving exercise, just go somewhere cheaper.

If you don't like your DH and want some time away from him with just the kids then go for it.

gliiterryballs · 18/12/2022 10:09

I have been away with various combinations of children with and without DH but never as a cost cutting exercise.

Which one of you would miss out?

TheMagicPudding · 18/12/2022 10:10

Surely it'd be cheaper to do one holiday with all of you, than two holidays with only one less....

WandaWonder · 18/12/2022 10:12

I have no problems in a seperate holiday if it works that way for whatever reason as in everyone agrees but I don't get how it works in you case op

thelobsterquadrille · 18/12/2022 10:15

I was only child and we always did this when I was growing up.

I'm about to sound horrifically middle class, but it wasn't about cutting costs. I went to
private school and it was their way of breaking up the really long holidays so I didn't spend weeks on end going to holiday clubs. They both worked full time but had lots of annual leave and good incomes.

Dad took me skiing or travelling in
Europe, and mum took me to Australia to see her family. We also did a couple of family holidays a year - normally one skiing holiday and one two-week hiking holiday in Europe.

I have great memories of those holidays but I wouldn't say it was a good way of saving money as such.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 18/12/2022 10:17

Just go somewhere cheaper.
You can't buy family time

AriettyHomily · 18/12/2022 10:17

Odd approach, I'd go somewhere cheaper.

SpinningFloppa · 18/12/2022 10:18

I think it’s odd as well I would go somewhere cheaper or look at child free places

mondaytosunday · 18/12/2022 10:20

My parents went away without us - they had adventures that would have been impossible with three kids.
In theory no, it's not unusual, my mother took us away on her own, no idea if money was a factor or simply my father couldn't get time off - and we were visiting my mother's family so maybe not of great interest to him.
I loved going away as a family before my husband passed away when my kids were young - all of us together was the best! Those memories sustain me.

Original poster

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 10:37

Ok, so to answer a few questions. In terms of cutting costs - we would save about 600 quid min per flight plus if DH comes then we need to get a two bed apartment somewhere whereas me and the boys could just get a studio. or even one room which halves the costs. So effectively we could save over 1-1.5k if only one of us goes with the kids and maybe have two holidays instead of one. So the adults would get the same amount of holidays away and kids get double.

We are also not talking about one holiday a year but three i.e. one with each of the parent and one with all of us for a week in the summer.

@thelobsterquadrille I am an only child and my parents both worked so I would mostly also only go holidays with one of them. So that's how I grew up and loved it.

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 18/12/2022 10:40

I've only taken the dc away on my own if dp wasn't able to come. We have a strong preference for spending time together where possible. Leaving one member of the family behind to save money doesn't really seem in the spirit of family holidays, especially if you clearly can afford to go slightly less often but together.

Rainsdropskeepfalling · 18/12/2022 10:44

Yes. I used to take two weeks off in the summer holidays, DH took two weeks off and we overlaped one week. That way the kids had three weeks holiday and we had less weeks of holiday club to look for.

Original poster

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 10:44

I think part of this was also motivated by the fact that I basically do most of the school holidays cover. DH does get a week off at Xmas and Easter but we have to see family during those periods, he also does autumn half term but I work. So effectively I could take the kids away on my own when am off with them but we'd have to wait till the summer to all go away as a family. DH get two/three weeks less holidays than I do

OP posts:

TheChosenTwo · 18/12/2022 10:48

I used to take the dc away without dh when they were younger, it wasn’t a cost cutting exercise, it’s just that they had 13 weeks of school holidays a year and dh was self employed and took off far less. I took them away to break up the mundanity of being at home unless he was taking holiday!
I can see in your situation it might work.

TumbleFryer · 18/12/2022 10:48

That arrangement assumes that the holiday is purely for the benefit of the children. I would argue that holidays are more about the parents than the children - parents work all year and need a break and it’s nice to use the money you’ve earned to treat yourself. No child needs a holiday.

Just go somewhere that you can all afford. It doesn’t need to be abroad.

GerbilsForever24 · 18/12/2022 10:49

i don't think taking the kids away alone is weird. But I do think it's a bit odd to do it purely as a money saving exercise. I mean, if you have more annual leave entitlement, then sure, you take the kids away and Dh stays home working but to actively choose to holiday separately is odd.

And like a PP, me and DH have taken individual children away for a few days for specific reasons - a sporting or cultural event, practicalities of different school terms /childcare needs etc. I'm also probably going to take them away with a friend next year and let DH stay home as he'd rather die than do a group holiday!

gliiterryballs · 18/12/2022 10:50

We are also not talking about one holiday a year but three i.e. one with each of the parent and one with all of us for a week in the summer.

I think you need to claw yourself back to reality.

Have one holiday or even 2 but cost cutting by leaving a person out so your DC can have 3 holidays?

Can't work out of this is a weird attempt at a stealth boats or if you genuinely think your DC are missing out by not having 3 holidays a year.

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 18/12/2022 10:51

I take the DC away individually by myself, as does DH. 1:1 time is rare and precious, we value it highly!

zingally · 18/12/2022 11:08

A "family holiday" without the whole family seems very weird to me! The whole idea of a family holiday is to share those memories together.

I remember one UK holiday we went on, when I was maybe 9 or 10, where we had to leave my dad behind at the last minute because he'd hurt his back, and just couldn't face it. We ended up taking my grandad along with us instead. And while we loved having grandad there, it just wasn't the same, thinking about dad home alone.

Appleblum · 18/12/2022 11:13

Eh? Surely the point of a family holiday is for the whole family to spend time together?

I'd look for a cheaper destination if you can't afford it.

Burgoo · 18/12/2022 11:16

If your husband can't get time off work and/or doesn't mind then fine. Though personally I see holidays as family time, where we get to actually be together outside of the monotonous misery that is everyday life. As others have said, it is about memories and building up that bank of nostalgia that we all need. Nothing beats going back to a childhood holiday location, and it wouldn't feel right if people were missing from my memories.

If you can't afford it, cut a holiday.

Burgoo · 18/12/2022 11:17

@mantlepiece23 Also why don't you stay at home and he go with the child(ren)? It's your idea after all. I am sure, based on your lack of concern, you wouldn't mind if the kids don't remember good holidays without you. After all, they still get to go away right?

RunLolaRun102 · 18/12/2022 11:23

As he has limited time with the kids on holidays - he should be the one to go on holiday with them to build memories. You could then do local stuff.

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