Page 2 | holidays with DC without the other parent

mantlepiece23 · 2022-12-18T10:05:54+00:00

COL and all that, been looking at holidays for next year. Havent booked anything yet but really need to. Am considering that from now on we try and take the kids away on our own without the other parent to cut costs. DH thinks it would be ridiculous but I dont see why. The kids will still get to go away and they are at an age when it's not so hard taking care of them on our own. Do other families go away without both parents to cut costs?

Original poster

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 11:36

So the actual convo was started by me suggesting that he takes DC away at Easter by himself. I would love a week at home without DH or DTs around. So it really isnt about me wanting to horde all the holidays.

Basically this is the first year that we have to go in the holidays, DH hasnt engaged in the costs of travelling during school holidays - was horrified at how much it cost but was equally horrified with the prospect of DTs having to go in clubs and paying for that. Hence my suggestion that he takes them away at Easter, the kids can go away for three weeks in the summer (with DH and I having an overlapping week) and me taking them away another time.

If we dont go away - the kids never leave our area. We live locally to both sets of grandparents, no relatives anywhere else in the UK. Both DH and I thought it would do kids some good to go somewhere else

OP posts:

HairyToity · 18/12/2022 11:38

Never out of choice. Just get a static by the coast, and all of you go.

YellowTreeHouse · 18/12/2022 11:38

YABU. You’re a family, not single parents. You go away as a family or not at all.

Or you do multiple cheaper holidays but as a family.

Original poster

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 11:43

Do people really not do stuff without the other parent? To be honest we already do most leisure stuff that costs e.g. zoos, theatres, pantomimes, ice skating with just one parent and thats fine. It seems silly paying an extra 50 quid for theatre when DH isnt bothered. I think thats the reality - he isnt all that bothered about doing activities with the kids beside taking them to grandparents, local walks and free stuff.

OP posts:

YellowTreeHouse · 18/12/2022 11:45

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 11:43

Do people really not do stuff without the other parent? To be honest we already do most leisure stuff that costs e.g. zoos, theatres, pantomimes, ice skating with just one parent and thats fine. It seems silly paying an extra 50 quid for theatre when DH isnt bothered. I think thats the reality - he isnt all that bothered about doing activities with the kids beside taking them to grandparents, local walks and free stuff.

There’s a difference between doing solo activities without the other parent, either because they’re working or just don’t fancy it, and going on an entirely separate holiday without them.

That is odd and I think it shows something lacking in your family.

LlynTegid · 18/12/2022 11:46

In your situation seems reasonable, also if you were going to visit relatives or people who are really only your friends.

Original poster

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 11:54

Personally the prospect of a week just focusing on my work with DH and the twins sounds lovely. I work in a career where you can always do more and honestly the thought of just being able get some work done and maybe go out in the evening to see friends would be amazing.

OP posts:

user1471554720 · 18/12/2022 11:55

What if the other parent just doesn't want to go on a family holiday? Do we all just stay at home for years on end????

My dh does not like staying overnight away from home. Sometimes we go somewhere within 80km for 2 nights in the summer with dc.

We have only had 2 holidays abroad and dc are 11 and 13. It is a fight to get dh to go, I wind up paying for all myself. I resent paying an extra 1200 for an adult who doesn't really want to go.

I have always worked fulltime, I am surrounded by colleagues who DO go abroad annually and I felt so depressed when dcs were small and we went years without a holiday. I am 50 years of age, life is going by. If dcs were a bit older I would take them without dh, not to listen to the moaning about going etc. For now I can't leave him out as it looks like an insult. I pay for resort hols in Spain with half board, I research daytrips etc and dh still finds something to moan about

Wakk · 18/12/2022 11:58

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 11:43

Do people really not do stuff without the other parent? To be honest we already do most leisure stuff that costs e.g. zoos, theatres, pantomimes, ice skating with just one parent and thats fine. It seems silly paying an extra 50 quid for theatre when DH isnt bothered. I think thats the reality - he isnt all that bothered about doing activities with the kids beside taking them to grandparents, local walks and free stuff.

I think that's really sad. My DCs enjoyed us both being there at the zoo etc.

Original poster

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 12:02

@Wakk honestly in our case this started because DH isnt that bothered plus one of the parents gets to catch up with work or chores. We dont have any support with the kids so thats how we've always done it, basically alternated looking after the kids. So yesterday, I took them to the theatre on my own with a friend of theirs, today DH is taking them to see grandparents. Not sure DCs feel like they are missing out.

OP posts:

FictionalCharacter · 18/12/2022 12:07

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 10:37

Ok, so to answer a few questions. In terms of cutting costs - we would save about 600 quid min per flight plus if DH comes then we need to get a two bed apartment somewhere whereas me and the boys could just get a studio. or even one room which halves the costs. So effectively we could save over 1-1.5k if only one of us goes with the kids and maybe have two holidays instead of one. So the adults would get the same amount of holidays away and kids get double.

We are also not talking about one holiday a year but three i.e. one with each of the parent and one with all of us for a week in the summer.

@thelobsterquadrille I am an only child and my parents both worked so I would mostly also only go holidays with one of them. So that's how I grew up and loved it.

Well that's a heck of a drop feed. You're having three holidays in a year?! Wow.

Original poster

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 12:08

@FictionalCharacter saving money would enable us to have another holiday. Is it that weird? At the moment, no we wouldnt have three holidays a year

OP posts:

alanabennett · 18/12/2022 12:12

I have taken my three kids on holiday alone and had a blast! They are 14, 11 and 8 and just this summer we flew to NYC for a long weekend. It wasn't a cost-cutting measure, just that I had some time off to use before my company's year end, and my husband was busy at work. I've done similar trips before when they were younger. My only reservation would be a swimming-heavy holiday, I would not take three kids swimming alone.

gliiterryballs · 18/12/2022 12:16

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 12:08

@FictionalCharacter saving money would enable us to have another holiday. Is it that weird? At the moment, no we wouldnt have three holidays a year

Bless your wee heart OP.

How about one family holiday and both parents go on day trips with your twins?

It seems such a strange idea to take such huge money saving steps to give your children 2 extra holidays a year.

And yes we have done things without both parents, but not to cut costs, just be due of our family circumstances.

thelobsterquadrille · 18/12/2022 12:31

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 12:08

@FictionalCharacter saving money would enable us to have another holiday. Is it that weird? At the moment, no we wouldnt have three holidays a year

But if you were really looking to save costs, you'd cut out holidays altogether, surely, and just do day trips or maybe night away somewhere in a Premier Inn?

There's nothing remotely wrong with going out with just one parent - I did it all the time growing up and have some fab memories with just my mum (or just my dad) but presenting it as a cost cutting exercise when it means your kids will end up with three holidays a year is maybe coming across as a bit tone-deaf to some.

Original poster

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 12:36

@thelobsterquadrille so I would be happy to go to a premier inn but DH thinks that if we go as a four we basically need an apartment which is expensive. So yes, I could take them away for a night or two as could DH on his own. But as a family DH expects an airbnb or an apartment.

OP posts:

thelobsterquadrille · 18/12/2022 12:40

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 12:36

@thelobsterquadrille so I would be happy to go to a premier inn but DH thinks that if we go as a four we basically need an apartment which is expensive. So yes, I could take them away for a night or two as could DH on his own. But as a family DH expects an airbnb or an apartment.

As is always the case on these threads, it sounds like you have a DH problem.

You say he's not really bothered about these things but when he does decide to come, he wants you to spend a fortune.

He's a parent of two. He needs to buck his ideas up IMO. You don't get to opt out of the zoo or family trips on the basis that you "can't be bothered".

Original poster

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 12:56

Not sure if it's simply a DH problem - but holidays/days out are just not his thing. He's also a bad sleeper so wants a good bed when going away i.e. we need a two bed flat - boys in one, us and the other. Price wise that is quite a difference from a room that I could get with the boys. He also hasnt adjusted to travelling in the school holidays and I suspect travelling with kids. DT are only in reception and Covid put stop on a lot of the travel

OP posts:

thelobsterquadrille · 18/12/2022 17:36

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 12:56

Not sure if it's simply a DH problem - but holidays/days out are just not his thing. He's also a bad sleeper so wants a good bed when going away i.e. we need a two bed flat - boys in one, us and the other. Price wise that is quite a difference from a room that I could get with the boys. He also hasnt adjusted to travelling in the school holidays and I suspect travelling with kids. DT are only in reception and Covid put stop on a lot of the travel

The thing is, it doesn't matter whether they're his "thing" or not. He knew that about himself and chose to have children anyway - he can't now decide to opt out of a huge chunk of being a parent because he's a bad sleeper or would rather stay home. It doesn't work like that.

user1471554720 · 19/12/2022 09:17

thelobsterquadrille

What if the OP's DH or indeed anyone's DH simply won't go,?

We all know it is unfair not to take DCs places even if we don't love the outings eg windy seaside near home, soft play etc.

When one person simply won't go, then we all stay home, which is unfair on dcs. Otherwise one parent takes dcs and leaves DH at home.

whattodo1975 · 19/12/2022 09:25

I'm going to assume it would be you that gets to go on a holiday with the family whilst husband stays at home.

whattodo1975 · 19/12/2022 09:31

mantlepiece23 · 18/12/2022 11:43

Do people really not do stuff without the other parent? To be honest we already do most leisure stuff that costs e.g. zoos, theatres, pantomimes, ice skating with just one parent and thats fine. It seems silly paying an extra 50 quid for theatre when DH isnt bothered. I think thats the reality - he isnt all that bothered about doing activities with the kids beside taking them to grandparents, local walks and free stuff.

The fact your DH isnt bothered about doing activities would be a big red flag to me. Most dads aren't probably that desperate to go to Disney on Ice etc but they go because they know there kids will love and want to be part of that.

Original poster

mantlepiece23 · 19/12/2022 09:38

So in terms of activities we do tend to divide and conquer- DH is much better at staying in with the kids and playing lego or taking them to grandparents. I am much happier taking them out on outings or having playdates. So the kids do get both of us but in different ways.

When it comes to holidays, my preference would actually be for him to take the boys away at Easter. I am very happy to stay at home so this isn't about me hoarding holiday trips or anything. My assumption is that we'd split them equally.

OP posts:

gliiterryballs · 19/12/2022 09:40

When it comes to holidays, my preference would actually be for him to take the boys away at Easter.

You said upthread holidays are not his thing, so why would you be encouraging him to take an extra one? Is this some weird 'I will show you how hard it is' game?

If he isn't bothered about holidays just have your main family holiday and you take the kids away on another trip if you want. Sending him solo to 'save money' is quite bizarre when he doesn't even want to go.

thelobsterquadrille · 19/12/2022 13:27

user1471554720 · 19/12/2022 09:17

thelobsterquadrille

What if the OP's DH or indeed anyone's DH simply won't go,?

We all know it is unfair not to take DCs places even if we don't love the outings eg windy seaside near home, soft play etc.

When one person simply won't go, then we all stay home, which is unfair on dcs. Otherwise one parent takes dcs and leaves DH at home.

Well, I'd be questioning why he decided to become a parent in the first place, and long-term, I'd be questioning my relationship.

I'd be furious if my DH actively chose to be a father and then decided he couldn't be arsed to actually step up and parent. It's a bit like deciding to get a job but then saying you don't want to walk it. It's not optional.

These "fathers" need to buck their ideas up. You don't see any mums refusing to take their kids to the zoo/theatre/beach.