To go on holiday with this man?

[seankay]

I'm a thirty year old woman and around 6 years ago I met a man who is now 44.

So back then I was 24 and he was 38. We met in a bar, me with my friend and him with him. I was very drunk, me and him shared a kiss and he then put me in a taxi, waved me off and that was the last time I seen him.

However, on the night, I gave him my name and he added me on Facebook. Since then we have been in touch every few months. He has had a few girlfriends in the meantime and I have remained single. But we have always talked.

A lot of our chat has been dirty, I'd say I've never spoken to anyone as dirty as him and I have found it exciting over the years due to my being single.

He has a good job but I must say I do often wonder, if he is 'all that' why is he still single at 44. Last week he asked me if I'd be free to go abroad with him in February, on him (bearing in mind I haven't seen him in person since 6 years ago, although we have spoke on the phone and text).

To be honest I am totally tempted but before I mention this to my friends and family I need someone to tell me whether this is an awful idea or a very romantic one.

He has tried to get me out on dates very recently but I've been so busy and to be honest, I'm not sure how interested I am.

@Frenchfancy I've worked with people who have been trafficked/ exploited/ involved in county lines etc and seen enough sad cases to know the warning signs.

As I said, chances are it's fine and I hope it works out well - but in this particular situation, OP should exercise caution.

Been sort of in this position. The guy wanted to fly me to Australia to holiday with him. I was all for it but my friends talked me out of it and I'm so glad they did.

Is he single?

Bad idea anyway.

Never mind the micro-penis and the sock/sandal combo, what if he's one of those that claps when the plane lands

so you met him once 6 years ago? You must have better prospects than that, come on @seankay. Lift yourself up from this thought, that's the saddest thing I've heard in a long while.

If you’re both single, have separate rooms and you can afford to get yourself home - why not?

I don’t understand the comments about you being placed in a vulnerable position. Assuming you’re a fully functioning adult you should be capable of keeping yourself sober enough to say no to anything you don’t want to do.

Worst case: he’s a boring sex-pest and you go home early and delete him off Facebook and have a great dating story for you next OLD profile.

(Mumsnet worst case: he’s a sexual predator who intends to roofie you in a country where no one knows you. This is unlikely BUT also worth bearing in mind - so have a friend lined up for check ins and contact info of where you are and police if you don’t respond).

Best case: you have an amazing trip with lots of chemistry and sex and you come home glowing and maybe in a new relationship.

YOLO (but be smart).

How could you possibly know this?

Go on a date first.

Isn’t this how the tinder swindler starts?

My advice would be to make him put the effort in and take you out first; if you are going to go ahead and go on a jolly holiday with him regardless, in your position I would make sure it was worth my while. In my opinion, he should begin the holiday treating you at the duty free and pay for all flights and accommodation, including a separate hotel room (preferably a suite) in a spa hotel that has at least a four star rating. He needs to wine and dine you and whip out his wallet whenever necessary, you should expect decent restaurants (no tourist traps), cocktails whenever you fancy and champagne on tap. Raise the bar high, visibly check in with friends and family throughout the trip in front of him making your whereabouts known. Walk back to your suite solo at the end of every evening with your head held up high after a lovely evening of exquisite food and beverages. If he's worth it he'll be more than happy to do all of the aforementioned!

He's fishing - the holiday is bait. He wants to see if you'll shag him with a free holiday on the dangle.

You seriously think he's going to book and pay for a lovely holiday for you and then you both just turn up at the airport, having had a couple of fb chats?

He's single because he enjoys being a player, because he's just on the right side of being A Catch, and because there are plenty of slightly gullible younger women who will do anything for a free holiday.

I listen to way to much true crime to ever think something like this is a good idea.

You don’t know this man. Do not go alone to a foreign country with him, FFS!

Obviously do what you want but imo it’s a terrible and risky idea and not something I’d feel comfortable with. If you’re interested in dating him, date him. But random free holiday with a much older man who’s effectively a stranger who wants to shag you…? No

He can't persuade you to go on a date so he's upped the ante to a holiday.
I think you'd be mad to go.

I'd go if I were you. But I'd make sure I had enough money to get back without feeling stressed out. It could be great.

It doesn’t? I mean, you haven’t seen, heard or, really important, smelled him. What if his natural body scent discuss you? I dated a guy who smelled like buttermilk. It was a total turn off. 🤐I’d definitely catch up soon before you commit on going.

Disgus

Is this a serious post?

You are considering going abroad with someone you hardly know, a man who targeted a much younger woman and focuses on sending you ''dirty'' messages?

I would spend time working on your self-esteem...

No, you haven't exactly been keen to go on a date with him so why would you go on a holiday with him?

You're not interested enough to find the time to go on date, but you're considering going on holiday with him?

You've been taling dirty for 6 years, you've been single all that time and he's been dating, but you've never got together?

The holiday could be fun, or not, but why do you want to go?

You’re mad as a bucket of frogs.

Date? Nah! Can’t be bothered.
Holiday in the lion’s den with a permanently single sex pest? Fuckin Sign Me Up!

You do you, OP.

Wouldn’t go aboard with anyone I hardly know

He sounds very desperate.

You're only 30 and can do so much better than this washed up old goat.

At 44 and single, yes there is something very wrong with him.
He just hasn't revealed what it is yet.

My guesses:

Porn addict
Personality of a snail
ED
Drug, alcohol, gambling, debt, mental or some other major deal breaker.
Sees women as objects beneath him.

I've found the ones who really liked the dirty sex talk were the most shit in bed.

This is an odd question. You don’t like him enough to go out on one date but are thinking of going on holiday with him.
He has invited you with sex in mind, which actually is not much of a stretch as you have had phone sex with him.
You are worried why he is single at 44, lots of people are single at that age, some through preference some not. You’re single so don’t judge him on that front.
Don’t go if you don’t want a week of no strings sex, if you do go.

I would in your position, to be honest a week away tells you a lot about a person, if after that time you don't want to pursue a relationship you can go your separate ways

I think you know the answer to that!