Friend only interested in talking about herself

[7upandup]

My best friend is driving me mad.
This is more of a rant than anything and opinions on how to deal with the situation welcome..
We usually talk via messenger. I've noticed the past few months if she starts a conversation she's really into it, lots of detail and paragraphs about what the topic of conversation is. I reply back interested in what ever it is and it's a proper two and throw conversation.
If I start a conversation for instance, dh and his family had a falling out over Xmas plans and I was explaining the ins and outs and she just replied oh no.
If it was her and a family drama or what ever else, like I said she would have big paragraphs about it...and I would offer opinions, sympathy, support or just rant along with her like friends do.
This has happened so much I'm starting to get offended and annoyed.
She even changes the subject back to her.

For instance if I sent her something like 'fell on the ice earlier infront of everyone in the street, had to be helped up by neighbour, mortified she would reply something like

Oh no!
Omg I was walking to shop and bumped into Margaret who I knew from when I was a kid...was so good seeing her.

So many conversations end up like that!

I distanced myself from someone like this. The last message I sent them I said I had just been diagnosed with a lifelong chronic condition that was really affecting me and the response I got was “I’m ill too, I’ve got a terrible cold”! I was so upset. I also have another friend who is also very “Me! Me! Me!” We can have a 2 hour lunch of her monologues then when I say I have to leave in 10 mins to pick DC up from school I get a “so how are you?” I meet her very infrequently now.

Do you have other friends who are less self absorbed? Does your friend have anyone else in her life? I’m wondering if she saves it all for you because she has no one else that she can share stuff with or who listens to her. Not that it makes a difference, it should be a two way street, but if it’s only just started happening that may be the reason.

Start responding to her messages the same way she responds to yours maybe?

@Goodywhoshoes sounds like your friend is similar. It just makes me not want to tell her anything and her short one word reactions make me feel unimportant and embarrassed.
I actually think it's more to do with the fact I have two kids and we just don't have much in common now. She still lives with her parents, despite having a long term partner and a full time job...late thirties. I know I sound judgey but I know she doesn't pay any rent and her mum makes dinner every night and I don't feel I can really talk to her about things like cost of living crisis or anything when she constantly books holidays, gigs, days out and meals out constantly...meanwhile I'm complaining our mortgage and bills have went up, childcare costs etc. i don't bring any of that up because it's totally boring to her when she leads a material lifestyle.
She maybe finds me a bit of a dull dud nowadays.

Honesty if you see my last post , I get you , I don’t know what has happened with people lately , especially female friends . Your friend is just wrapped up in herself - what’s she like when you see her in person ?

@Whytheego yeah I don't know why people are so self absorbed nowadays. In the world of social media people just like to be me me me.
She does constantly post on Instagram stories about all the things she's doing, things she's bought etc which makes it more annoying that she can't put effort into our friendship or conversation.
The thing that set me off was I said about dh falling out with his sister over Xmas plans, how stressed he is with it and moaned about sil and she replied oh no. Makes me feel bloody stupid.
In person she is much the same really, moans about her family and all the dramas, but I'm actually contributing to the conversation.

I’ve had two occasions where I went out with a work colleague and I felt like I was being talked at. Anything I said was interrupted with how it related back to her. At one point I just kept talking as if she hadn’t interrupted me and it worked.

Appreciate you can’t do that on text. Either call her out on it if you value the friendship, if you’re not that bothered then do the same back.

She’s deffo not worth your time and effort , I had a friend very much the same , I would go home from seeing her annoyed .

friendships should leave you up not down , I would distance yourself and I bet you don’t hear from her .

good luck with it all , stick with the people who care about you x

I have a friend exactly this way, i have distanced myself and have put up with her doing this for two years. She rang me today and actually asked me how I am , I told her then she said she had to go probably because she didn't want to talk about me for a change. I never call her now. Fuck her, selfish bitch.

I work with someone like this. She has no idea how boring she is, the competitive one upmanship about everything. Wow traffic was bad today, "well my journey was unbelievable l! There was two traffic jams and a red light" type of conversation. I roll eyes and ignore it as much as possible. The other day she was wondering aloud why she has so few friends ....

OP please explain the etymology of 'two and throw'?

I guess she means "to and fro", it's a common phrase.

Don't bother your precious time with her. If she's like this now, just imagine what she will be like in 20 years time.

You’ve grown apart OP. This has happened to me a few times but I’m the one in the scenario without children. In my experience some friendships just don’t survive motherhood and that’s OK. Sometimes the end is as soon as the dc come along, sometimes it takes a few years.

Let her go. Grieve the friendship for the loss that it is, and move on.

An awful lot of people are like this. I think as you get older you tend to notice it more.

Totally unnecessary faux confused post. It was obvious what OP meant

Do the same yourself. Whatever she sends next, reply with either 'oh no' or 'oh great'. If she complains - which wouldn't surprise me, people like this aren't very self aware - you can say 'but it's what you say' which stops that in its tracks. In my experience people respond more to actions than to you pointing out how hurtful something is.

I knew someone like this and I'm busy unfriending her slowly , plus if you say anything she'll disagree or contradict you or tell you you said it wrong or turn it all back to herself or her family or what she is doing and has zero interest in anything I'm doing.
Being Self absorbed is becoming so common now. It's hard going

I work with somebody like this. It took me a little while to notice it but once I did I realised it was nearly every conversation in some way being turned around to be all about them

They would ask me how my wkend was on a Monday morning and regardless of what I replied they would instantly turn the conversation around to be all about them

I don't work in their office anymore and when I do see them I'm always very aware of what they're like so don't put much effort into the conversation

I'd start treating your friend how she treats you

Really need to hear OP's explanation on this one.

I have a friend who is like this, cannot stand being talked at every time we meet up and so meet ups are getting less and less. It is draining.

Also an old school friend who visibly loses interest when I speak. Only see once a year now and not really sure why 😐

What confuses me is that they both have loads and loads of friends?! Is it only me they do this to? Does everyone else get normal conversation?

Really need to remove your head from your backside.

My closest friend from school - she went this way.

Our friendship was super close from age 9 right into our mid 20s. Her life took a few tricky twists and turns and I was there for her (even gave her a roof over her head for over a year) every step of the way. Hours talking with her about it all. In her early 30s she started counseling sessions .... and she became very inward looking ALL the time. Having her over for a coffee or going for a meal out was just another counselling session as far as she was concerned. I'm afraid i started to dread seeing her.

In my early 40s i suffered 2 tragedies and she was as much use as a chocolate tea pot. I ghosted her from them on. Our friendship just didn't survive what she had become.

Just gently move on OP.

Laiste That's interesting about counselling. My sister has been having counselling for about 3 years and she has become so inward looking that I'm going to have to tell her. Her own psyche is her only topic of conversation now, she will give examples of historic conversations and then reasons for her thoughts/reactions to them at the time compared to her now enlightened self. It is so unbelievably boring and she has no interest in others any more. I wonder if more people are having therapy now, making them more self interested without being aware.

Why are you reacting with such hostility to a question that wasn't even directed to you? You're involving yourself just so that you can be offended.

Because you're being a rude little weirdo by mocking someone for their incorrect spelling, that's why. Does it make you feel superior?

I am an old lady now . I refer to these sort of women as the L'Oréal generation . Because they are worth it . Look at Me , me , me . Dump her , nothing in common and no support does not make a good friend . Any redeeming qualities at all?