Friend only interested in talking about herself

[7upandup]

My best friend is driving me mad.
This is more of a rant than anything and opinions on how to deal with the situation welcome..
We usually talk via messenger. I've noticed the past few months if she starts a conversation she's really into it, lots of detail and paragraphs about what the topic of conversation is. I reply back interested in what ever it is and it's a proper two and throw conversation.
If I start a conversation for instance, dh and his family had a falling out over Xmas plans and I was explaining the ins and outs and she just replied oh no.
If it was her and a family drama or what ever else, like I said she would have big paragraphs about it...and I would offer opinions, sympathy, support or just rant along with her like friends do.
This has happened so much I'm starting to get offended and annoyed.
She even changes the subject back to her.

For instance if I sent her something like 'fell on the ice earlier infront of everyone in the street, had to be helped up by neighbour, mortified she would reply something like

Oh no!
Omg I was walking to shop and bumped into Margaret who I knew from when I was a kid...was so good seeing her.

So many conversations end up like that!

I have two friends like this im considering phasing out. They are very much the same and it is so hurtful. Especially when you listen and are there for them. They're the same in person too.

I had a friend like this, talked about herself non stop. She was just so obsessed with her own voice. I'd get to the end of a long evening and she'd suddenly look at me as I went for my train, almost seeing me as an actual person for the first time, then quickly try to ask me a single question. I had many possible responses as I'd had loads going on. She wasnt interested and I gave up seeing her. Its unsolvable.

I used to be a bit like this, and eventually realised I needed to pay a professional to listen to my woes.

I get there can be some room for problem sharing in close friendships but as a chronic oversharer I just pay someone now to listen to me discuss my problems.

I have a friend like this. She's divorced, lives with her parents, no kids, working in finance. She's so full of herself and never asks about me.

Last time she asked to meet up I said I couldn't because I had work commitments. She then went on about her personal life to which I replied then also sent her a pic of my kids, I got no response! She says I'm like a sister to her, she only means she can offload everything on me but knows nothing about my life at all. I never really told her about my married life or about kids as I knew she wouldn't be able to relate. So what happened when I sent her that pic? She chose to distance from me.

These me me me people are certainly on the rise...

They're complete arseholes

I hada friend like this except it was pre Internet. On and on she would go about herself. I cottoned on the day she was moaning about page boy outfits for an hour and I finally interjected with something about myself. Cue 30 seconds of bored sounding uh huhs from her before she suddenly had to go. There was someone at the door. I thought I would test her by asking another question about the bloody page boy outfits. Well blow me down she seemed to forget about the poor person supposedly at the door and went on another extended monologue.

Selfish lying cow as well as thick as mince for forgetting her lie. Can't do with people like this these days. I won't even entertain it

I also have a friend like this. She actually starts chats with ‘how are you?’, but my answer is totally irrelevant to her and I receive the ‘oh dear’ or ‘that’s good’ response. Then the real reason for the message starts - the massive monologue about her!
I don’t know what the answer is because as your thread is proving, this behaviour seems to be very common now. I do think it’s due to social media and the way people communicate on it in a ‘me, me, me’ way.

I think she must have a lot of brothers as this reminds me of many, many dates I went on earlier in life.

I have a friend like this. We are mostly in a group originated from uni, go for brunch, on a WhatsApp chat etc. I see some of the others one on one but never her - I have distanced myself interpersonally. I grin and bare it at social events and she's good when an awkward silence comes around but I could never be close with someone like this. I always think it's quite embarrassing and they must be very unaware of social queues to behave this way. Still makes me feel rubbish sometimes too though

My mum used to be like this. It wasn't uncommon to go several months when I was at university without a single phone call, then she'd ring because she wanted to offload about things and I was purely audience. I tested it by putting the phone on the side for a few minutes whilst I fetched a book and a cuppa, and she didn't notice. She didn't notice the reading either.

It's all messenger now. Nothing for months, then a long involved offload about her own problems. She's not asked about her grandchildren in years.

I doubt I'll see her again. She emigrated and she returns to the uk to see friends, but not us.

@GoldenCupidon God yes it was like a date with a man. The ones who just want to advertise themselves for an hour or two and forget your presence. It's that moment of realising at the end and the faux interest.
@Metabigot fwiw I don't think.you sound like you're in this irritating category, it's not about someone who is a bit of an oversharer and needs support with problems. I've got no issue with that peronally. it's the folks who are genuinely obsessed about their own stuff, good and bad.

I'm glad to hear you sought professional support; that seems sensible and unselfish. I hope it's helping you.

DHs brother used to ring for hours in the evening (every evening too!) with a long monologue about every tiny thing that went on in his life. Almost no interest in ours, I’m sure he has never even known what we do for jobs really.
Some years ago they fell out, stopped speaking on the phone. Something happened to DH and brother rang and DH told him all about it. He actually commented that it was the first time a conversation has been about him.
BIL later texts that he won’t be speaking to him again as DH only interested in talking about himself.
I don’t think people like that change.

@7upandup I've definitely got the same kind of approach to friendships as @Fuwari (I'm 49 - definite change in the last few years!).

Now you've really seen it...and how it makes you feel then it can't carry on. I've got a friend who I once considered to be my best [local] friend but for many reasons (that built up) realised she wasn't much of a friend to me at all (or any of her other friends). I still see her but much less often, for less time, and with less trust and definitely nudge the conversation a bit more than I used to (generally steering away from gossip/tedious detail with breezy humour). I don't have a best (local) friend now, and that is ok.

I would now stop bothering sharing with her over messenger - or even starting conversations and reply to hers in a similar way (maybe not quite so one worded as her though!) to what she has done to you and try and move the friendship to in person activity based more. She how it goes - there are some great youtube videos for how to gently nudge people away from monopolising conversations - some can't be nudged though (conversational narcissists).

Oh no, that is just awful and unforgivable. 😢 No wonder you are NC with her. I do hope your life has become happier.

I have a local friend who talks non stop about her kids. How smart they are, how they got into these prestigious academies in sport, music etc. when she texts she writes a whole novel and doesn't get to the point until 15 mins into the text.

My recent response to her was oh wow, your kids are so clever. Didn't write a thing about myself. So far no response from her