Aibu ? Over sensitive. Dh and Christmas

[Busytimes]

Dh hates christmas.
yesterday i started decorating.
him . Isnt it too early .? i hate it . ( one small tree and a christmas star)
was going to do lights outside .. oh are we ?

today
post supermarket shop
me ooh got lots cheeses .
dh ooh nice
me and three types stuffing .
why did you do that

treat drink out
we must not be frivolus

he does nothing for c mas apart from wrap
i buy gifts all year round so that things are chewper
eg
i got a beautiful half price gift in summer for a gift for now . It takes effort and awareness .

ive been careful, thoughtful, frugal .

yes things are tight but not unmangable. Ive offered to get more work .
surely christmas is the one time to be frivolous?
its the attitude.
out grown dc are coming i am try look after and treat
hes mentioned already they shoukd cook too . Ive told him if they have travelled we should cook and host ar least for first four days or so without ask rhem to muck in ?

help me get some perspective please am cross 🤶

Not sure why people keep making comments like this, tbh.

It's not obligatory to love a huge, busy, OTT Christmas filled with multiple guest. Lots of people find things like that quite stressful and only go along with it because it's expected, rather than because they actually enjoy it.

The DC are adults now. If they want a huge family Christmas with multiple meals and multiple types of stuffing, a huge tree and outdoor lights etc, they can contribute to it themselves!

DH sounds like my DB; who got back in touch last year after years being NC. Last Christmas I did him present and a stocking with bits to spoil him because he was in a bit of a crap situation - this year I get told 'don't make a fuss.' He just doesn't get why people spoil people or send cards or make any sort of deal over Christmas.

That looks like a name change fail, OP.

It doesn’t make sense that you are doing all
of this, stressing yourself out and spending money on feeding others when you aren’t well off and don’t even like Xmas that much!!!!

If your adult children want a big xmas they can contribute to the creation/running of it, surely. Both financially and in terms to cooking, making beds etc.

I agree with earlier posters. You’re a martyr. It’s not your DH that’s the issue here.

If your adult children want a big xmas they can contribute to the creation/running of it, surely. Both financially and in terms to cooking, making beds etc.
Agree with this.

We're hosting Christmas this year for siblings, partners and our parents. No menus, no waiting on everyone, no planning activities for everyone. Everyone will help out in their own ways because it's shitty to push one person in the kitchen for the festive season. If someone wants to martyr themselves and take on loads then that's on them

YANBU in everything except thinking you have to wait on kids for four days. I’d expect them to be helping out within the first day or two - not straight off a plane obviously but as family do, after the first couple of meals.

Have you ever tried to find out whether there is a reason, perhaps a bad Christmas, or something else?

Nothing wrong with a frugal Christmas, but I wonder if it is a symptom of something else.

Ive name changed . I got a bit stressed and felt guilty for feeling as i do .
dh has just returned. He bought all the veg NOw for c mas saying it will be ok if kept cool . Its really basic shop.

he says he will do it his way . Fair enough.

he just hates
guests
games

he is very quiet
he wishes c mas was not in existence but wants make it nice for dc ..and he is now cross he is having to do it , engage , as all he ever does is wrap .
He has a family that were very low effort . For example a 4 hour drive to see them .. when you arrive .. a request to go shopping as they have not prep. They didnt really celebrate much of anything .
i have a family where it is polite and a joy to cater for people , tho Christmas feels quite hectic to me .