to think some men are complete idiots

[gjkufbb]

I must have had this conversation upwards of a hundred times with my DP since we started living together 2 years ago.

If you open the bread, close it so it doesn't go stale. If you get food out of the freezer, put it back so it doesn't defrost. Close the dog food. You need to wrap cheese up you can't just put it in the fridge open.. this list goes on.

Whilst I'm dying from the flu, fair enough he's been bringing me some food. I go downstairs tho and the bread is wide open. Freezer food on the side from last night all defrosted. Dog treat bag wide open ...

What do I need to do to get him to pick up after himself?! It's like living with a teenager. Do I need to start grounding him? Or taking away things he likes?? Im at my wits end.

He won't change OP. He has no incentive to do it. You need to have a serious think on whether you can continue living this way (or getting worse) for the next twenty, thirty years and if you feel you can then make peace with your decision otherwise you will turn into an angry and frustrated shell of yourself.

He will not change his behaviour so you need to change your response to it.

I've started to wonder this myslef tbh. I wonder if it's all an act. I wonder how the smart man I married, has suddenly become so thick

Maybe you're the idiot for still being with him?

You better set up some expectations now or you'll be really screwed once your baby arrives. I say this based on my own experience. Just a question though, are you sure you're not being OTT, why is all the cleaning necessary if you're so I'll with the flu, surely it can wait?

I didn't even bother to read a single reply.

It's called weaponised incompetence. He knows he's doing fuck all and he doesn't care because you will be right behind him cleaning up his mess. He has no respect for you and this shit will only get worse.

Please believe me when I tell you decent men don't behave this way. You have chosen poorly, and I sincerely hope you leave him and obviously don't have children with him.

He will not change. He will never grow up. What you see is what you get. At this point, with the information you have, you are now the maker of your own misery.

why clean the bathroom when you’re sick with the flu and expecting? It will wait til tomorrow!

This is probably why I'm single as my expectations are too high
My dad did (and still does) all the cooking, food shopping. cleaning and ironing along with all the paperwork/bills etc, even when he worked FT
When I was unwell last week I asked him to get my prescription and a food shop
He got the prescription and a sensible food shop along with paracetamol and some medication. Even asked the pharmacist to check it was ok with my prescription meds that nothing interacted

They're not all incapable

Unfortunately my 3 daughters are also idiot men 🤦‍♀️

I think we share a Dad! (*joke obvs).
Mine does all of that too. Along with the gardening, car maintenance, DIY for everyone ,helps mom prepare her crafts and chauffeurs my Mom everywhere despite being able to drive!? She could do so much more, but why would she?

25 yrs down the line little has changed. I'd agree it's some people as opposed to men. My dh blames his mother because she did everything for him, I told him he's an adult who's capable of doing things for himself so do it. Our arguments generally ended with me saying he might be happy to live in his own shit but I'm not. I'm sad to say my daughter not only takes after him, but is worse. Got to weigh the pros and cons.

That last sentence is the key to all these issues.

Could do more, but why would she/he🤷🏻

I would totally not do stuff if my dh kept doing it. I am half an incredibly lazy person.

How does his incompetence impact him? Does he have to go out and replace the bread/milk/cheese when it goes off or defrosts? If it's you just don't, he needs to do this. It's a huge waste of food and money too

This (ADHD!)

I'm the one in my house who constantly leaves things open. Have had to defrost the freezer a few times and chuck stuff out the fridge because I've left it out. It's so annoying and whatever strategy I put in place I just forget as well. I'm an expert at losing and forgetting things and it impacts me as well as my family. It really isnt deliberate. I would say though make him sort it out. Every time. 'Oh no you left the bread out again, its all dry so you'll have to pop to the shops to buy more'. 'Mince for breakfast then as it needs using now it's been defrosted all night'. I'm assuming he has always been like this though as I can't see someone being so lazy that they would notice a load of frozen food out and just leave it to defrost and waste their own money?

Saying all that though,

• you did not have to clean the bathroom and vacuum when you're ill
• no decent partner let's sits by and let's their ill pregnant partner do their share. I may he forgetful and away with the fairies but I do my share of chores and everything else and I'd absolutely pick up my husbands share if he was ill or working away, not just think I wont bother because he is not here. And he does the same.

Being forgetful and not always noticing things like the fridge door open is not the same as being lazy and selfish. Unfortunately your husband is both. And unfortunately you've chosen to have a baby with him before sorting it out. Whatever annoys you now will infuriate you 10x over with children. If he doesn't pull his weight then your marriage wont survive it as having kids tests the strongest most equal marriages anyway. Also people tend to revert back to the gender roles of their parents when they become parents so it may be he expects you to do even more.

You really really need to sort this out whilst pregnant as you wont easily be able to with a newborn. Do counselling. Have a temporary split and only return when he has upped his game. But make sure you do something. Including making plans to return to work