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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think some men are complete idiots

89 replies

gjkufbb · 17/12/2022 13:26

I must have had this conversation upwards of a hundred times with my DP since we started living together 2 years ago.

If you open the bread, close it so it doesn't go stale. If you get food out of the freezer, put it back so it doesn't defrost. Close the dog food. You need to wrap cheese up you can't just put it in the fridge open.. this list goes on.

Whilst I'm dying from the flu, fair enough he's been bringing me some food. I go downstairs tho and the bread is wide open. Freezer food on the side from last night all defrosted. Dog treat bag wide open ...

What do I need to do to get him to pick up after himself?! It's like living with a teenager. Do I need to start grounding him? Or taking away things he likes?? Im at my wits end.

OP posts:
xyhere · 17/12/2022 13:50

gjkufbb · 17/12/2022 13:40

Apologies. This particular man is a complete idiot! Lovely in every other way but a complete fucking slob

For a bit of (hopefully) practical advice...might be worth taking note of when he does this - for example, is he cooking and trying to get dinner out to everyone, or feeding the dog(s) while doing something else?

It's often a case of priorities, and it won't matter so much if the food's out for half an hour while you're eating, so I'll do that later...and then something else comes up. I find I'm often like this outside of the kitchen (I'm a bit germ-phobic), so I have to set mental alarms to sort it out before doing anything else.

Perhaps, in the interests of focus, it's worth you just asking if he'll help you clear up the kitchen for 10 minutes after eating? That way, you can "gently suggest" things bit-by-bit while he's doing them, with a correction every couple of days. He'll get it eventually, because it'll form a habit.

Some people just have blindspots for this sort of thing. My wife's similar these days, but has a total blindspot for safety - she's ridiculously accident-prone with zero survival instinct, so I'm always going around behind her and unplugging stuff, rearranging stuff piled on cabinets, removing trip hazards etc. Gradually, bit-by-bit, she's getting the idea...but it goes against all her instincts to do it.

(yes, I know how "accident-prone" sounds on a site like this, but...this is the woman who, an hour after I left for a couple of days for a show, managed to break her foot standing still on the stairs. To this day, I still can't quite picture how she did it...)

sofedupofthisshit · 17/12/2022 13:54

I agree. Mine has been a complete arse today too (different reasons). YANBU.

JamSandle · 17/12/2022 13:55

To be honest I've not had that with a romantic partner although I know it's common.

AnybodyAnywhere · 17/12/2022 13:56

OP: you appear to have acquired my husband. Well done and no returns!

DumpIing · 17/12/2022 13:57

My husband doesn’t do any of that.

Then again, I wasn’t stupid enough to go out with an idiot.

dolor · 17/12/2022 13:58

As someone else said, only needed to read the title to agree. They're overgrown toddlers.

pd339 · 17/12/2022 13:59

Ridiculous title. "Men" in general are no more idiots than "Women". Sounds like your particular one could do better. But maybe he has different priorities to you? Do you expect him to just do what you say because you say so?

JoyBeorge · 17/12/2022 14:01

Well my idiot can shovel snow so it's not all bad.

ilovesooty · 17/12/2022 14:03

dolor · 17/12/2022 13:58

As someone else said, only needed to read the title to agree. They're overgrown toddlers.

Some of them are.

And I suspect the OP isn't dying or even has flu if she can get downstairs, notice or care.

Mumma · 17/12/2022 14:05

Its the other way around in our house. I am a tornado. ADHD.

user1497207191 · 17/12/2022 14:06

Did you not notice his laziness and helplessness when you first started dating?

20viona · 17/12/2022 14:07

My husband wouldn't do any of those things loo

User135644 · 17/12/2022 14:08

Leave him.

been and done it. · 17/12/2022 14:10

Babdoc · 17/12/2022 13:47

FusionChefGeoff, you can remove water marks from wood surfaces by rubbing with white vinegar, then olive oil. I’ve used the method successfully on an antique mahogany dressing table.

Really? Off to try it thanks.

ilovesooty · 17/12/2022 14:11

User135644 · 17/12/2022 14:08

Leave him.

Really? He's not violent. He hasn't cheated, or lied. No other aspects of his spousal performance to consider? No attempt to make things different?

Some posters on here are just beyond my understanding of real life.

ilovesooty · 17/12/2022 14:14

Sorry - I meant performance as a partner - they're not married.

I suppose it depends on the extent to which the OP is committed to the relationship, emotionally and financially.

Bananalanacake · 17/12/2022 14:15

How long were you together when he moved in. Why can't you have a relationship without living together, but if you have DC that's abit difficult.

TheLittlestLightOnTheXmasTree · 17/12/2022 14:15

Was the title edited?

ilovesooty · 17/12/2022 14:18

TheLittlestLightOnTheXmasTree · 17/12/2022 14:15

Was the title edited?

Looks like it.

TheLittlestLightOnTheXmasTree · 17/12/2022 14:20

I though MNHQ put 'edited' next to titles when they change them?

oviraptor21 · 17/12/2022 14:21

Margo34 · 17/12/2022 13:50

My DH is the same.

The latest being: if you see the Tesco delivery van, open the door and receive the weeks shopping.

Yep. Don't suddenly discover you need to spend an hour on the toilet.

Maray1967 · 17/12/2022 14:24

Babdoc · 17/12/2022 13:47

FusionChefGeoff, you can remove water marks from wood surfaces by rubbing with white vinegar, then olive oil. I’ve used the method successfully on an antique mahogany dressing table.

Thank you for this - I need to sort out water marks on an old mahogany sewing table.
OP if your hall table is teak by any chance, what worked on my 60s G plan table was full fat mayonnaise - just rub a little in and then use a clean cloth to rub over it.

Maray1967 · 17/12/2022 14:27

Correction - the hall table suggestion was for fusion chef!!

gjkufbb · 17/12/2022 14:30

user1497207191 · 17/12/2022 14:06

Did you not notice his laziness and helplessness when you first started dating?

No. He couldn't do more for me when we were first together. Always very considerate. Seems he's just complacent and lazy.

We don't have dc yet but I'm pregnant. As I've been out of action for a while yet still trying to do as much as I can. Rather than think 'I'll pick up the slack whilst she's not well' he seems to think 'well I'm not cleaning up if she isn't'

So as I lay here dying from the flu I've just had to scrub the bathroom, hoover and change all the beds and it's floored me. I appreciate it's not all men but boy am I fed up

OP posts:
Mirabai · 17/12/2022 14:49

Laziness rather than stupidity. Unless he’s SEN he knows what the consequences will be he just doesn’t care. Or he’s used to living with someone else who does it.