To not find this "joke" funny

[RampantIvy]

Me and my wife have been married for 35 years and I have never let her look in the safe. Last week when I went to the market she looked in the safe, and when I got back she said “I have looked in the safe”. I said “ I told you not to look in there”. She said “there is £40,000 in there and three eggs”. She said “what are the eggs for?”. I said “Well I’ll be honest, every time I shagged someone else’s wife I put an egg in the safe”. She said “That’s not bad in 35 years is it?”. I said “No, but when I get a dozen I sell them, and that’s where the money comes from”

Rodney “I get no respect” Dangerfield has some great one liners.

"My fan club broke up. The guy died."

"Last week my house was on fire. My wife told the kids, 'Be quiet, you'll wake up Daddy.'"

"I was ugly, very ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother."

Churchill appears in the Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations more than any other politician. One of them:

Nancy Astor: "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee!"
Winston Churchill: "And if I were your husband I would drink it."

I'm confused. I assume you're posting the whole joke in your first post.

In which case you both sound about 70!

Well, it isn’t funny, but I have questions.

• who is funding the initial supply of eggs? Or are they trophy eggs stolen from the fridges of the wronged husbands? If the philanderer of the story is buying the eggs that would impact the profit margin.

• Based on current egg prices, he’s selling around 15 eggs per day How’s anyone having 15 bouts of extra-marital sex daily without their spouse noticing? This doesn’t allow for egg price inflation over the 35 year marriage.
• Who on earth would buy eggs of unknown origin and date in those quantities?

No, it isn't in the slightest bit funny. I am not offended by the subject of the "joke" (I just think it is purile), but I am offended that anyone would call this a joke - it just is not funny.

However, I find very few 'forced' or 'made-up' jokes funny. I am much more amused by real-life (type) situational humour. One of the funniest jokes I have ever heard was on one of the very early "It'll be alright on the night" programmes. It was an "outtake" of a TV newsreader outside of 10 Downing Street, and what he continued to say to the camera after it had stopped broadcasting, it was along the lines of

"this is 'his full name', outside of 10 Downing Street, soaked, frozen, exhausted, pissed off,..."

his delivery was much better than I can manage here, but he did sound so thoroughly miserable that I nearly fell of the sofa laughing - which is a very rare event in my life! Many, many years ago, when I was a young teenager, I did find jokes like

Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains!"
Doctor: "Well pull yourself together then"

funny, the first time I heard them...

There have been very few comedians who could consistently make me laugh, Billy Connelly being one of the very few, along with Peter Kay, and Sarah Millican. The only other genre of comedians that I used to consistently love listening to, were the 'Jewish ones', who always seemed to be shown just after Christmas, quite late at night - they just seemed to be naturally very funny.

It's just a joke. Honestly, are we allowed to make jokes about anything anymore without someone being offended or saying we shouldn't make jokes about xyz. What sort of a humourless drab world are we inhabiting? Obviously it wouldn't be funny if it were a real life situation, but it's not.

I am in my 60's @ArmyofMunn, what is wrong with sounding or being about 70?
Is it that you don't think 70 year olds can have a sense of humour? Do you think they must be po-faced and very proper? Have you worked out which decade those around 70 + years old were teenagers in?

I just missed out on being a teenager in the 60's, but I still lost my virginity when I was 16, and before I was married - mind you, in those days I did have to keep that bit of information from my parents - having said that, I am pretty sure they knew anyway!

@Inertia Now your post is funny - thank you for the giggle 😄

I much prefer the late great Barry Cryer joke:

A man was driving down a country lane and ran over a cockerel.

He knocked on the farmhouse door and a woman answered.

"I appear to have killed your cockerel," he said. "I’d like to replace it."

"Please yourself," said the woman, "the hens are round the back".

😂

😂

That one made me laugh out loud @daisychain01

Bit there is about 783 versions with cheating woman...

By biggest take from it is that we are expected to think that him "only" cheating 3 times is supposed to be a good thing

It doesn't offend me but if someone told me that joke and laughed I would probably be thinking they were a bit of a twat as it's just weird and illogical and doesn't really have any humour. As I was reading through it I was just thinking 'why put an egg in the safe? Where do they come from? If he buys them individually then surely he loses money on selling them as a pack? Who 'tells' their wife not to look in the safe? Who says 'that's not bad for 35 years' when finding out their husband has cheated 3 times? It's just so oddly put together that I just kind of miss the punchline because my brain is focusing on all the weird bits that came first

Never heard that ‘joke’ before and don’t feel I’ve missed out tbh… 🥱

Jokes are not meant to be disected😂 (even the "meh" ones)

Half the jokes in my country are talking animals😂 Are they not funny because animals can't talk, can't use the logic they do in joke, we actually don't even have wild bears anymore so "where did the bear come from", different species don't couple up they certainly cannot bake and absolutely cannot make alcohol?😂

I much prefer the late great Barry Cryer joke:
A man was driving down a country lane and ran over a cockerel.
He knocked on the farmhouse door and a woman answered.
"I appear to have killed your cockerel," he said. "I’d like to replace it."
"Please yourself," said the woman, "the hens are round the back".

That reminds me of the other (rather sick) one - where a driver calls the police and tells them he's run over a 'deer' (only works aurally), who is moaning in pain. The call handler asks if he has something heavy in the car and tells him to put the deer out of its misery, which he does; and then he asks "Now, what should I do with her shopping trolley?"

Oh yes, we'd all be JK Rolling with laughter...

😂

A man is hit by a bus and rushed to hospital. The medics do all they can for him, but eventually, a nurse takes his wife to one side and gently says "I'm so sorry to have to tell you, but I really don't like the look of your husband".

His wife replies "Nah, neither do I - absolute munter, isn't he; but he's always been very kind to the children".

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

My late MIL told me this Jethro joke and I still find it funny:

Denzil come in the pub the other night with a black eye! I said "How did you get a black eye?". He said "Well I was in Church, and the woman in front of me, her skirt had gone right up the crease of her ass, so I leaned forward and pulled it out!"

I said "Well you have no business interfering with the woman's ass, leave it alone...if she's taking in a bit of washing, it's nothing to do with you!..."

Well he come in the pub this Sunday with another black eye! He said "That bleddy woman! She was in front of me again and her frock went up the crease of her ass again!"

He said "I knew not to touch it! But the bloke next to me, he pulled he out!

"Well I knew she didn't like it out.....so I pushed it back in!".....

I don’t think that’s the intended take at all.
The intention is that you think, “cheating? Arsehole”. Then you find out how much worse it really is.

I don’t find it funny and it’s also a billion years old, but so what? You don’t have to find it funny. We don’t all have to laugh at everything.

I don’t tend to find any of those battle of the sexes, unhappy marriage jokes funny, really; they’re just boring stereotypes and have all been done to death. But I don’t think it’s equivalent to a joke about, say, rape or domestic violence. It’s tedious 70s bollocks, that’s all.

It’s a lot less dark in tone than a lot of other jokes which I do find funny. I’ll happily laugh at jokes about, eg, death.

So you don't find a joke about a hypothetical man cheating on his hypothetical wife funny but you DO find a hypothetical man sexually assaulting a hypothetical woman funny??

Its funnier than all the bob monkhouse "jokes"
Someone was post a few months back.

Also I think some poster are over analysing about where the eggs are from

I've heard a reverse version of it, the woman was saving the eggs and hoarding money, does that make it less offensive?
The more I read on MN about 'offence' the more I think we're living oin Cromwell's Commenwealth, no fun, the slightest thing can be found to contain offence. It's on a par with those twee warning notices on TV before a programme starts, This programme depicts some violence and may be upseting. If you're that easily upset then don't watch Midsomer Murders etc!!