To be angry with dh

[Fantafilledfuckers]

5 kids. I do school prep and run 99% of time. DH on rare day off so I asked him to bring them. 5 mins after they should have left, I’m frantically trying to get them all out and he tells me to calm down and that my shouting isn’t helping the situation. I don’t think I was shouting but I was definitely being urgent as they were late. He comes home, tells me again that shouting doesn’t motivate the kids to leave on time. Fair enough. When they’re late and not moving it’s often what I resort to. My bad.
He then tells me that he’ll take kids to school on Monday while I stay in bed to show me it can be done without shouting. I told him he was being very arrogant and haven’t spoken to him since.

‘Most mornings run smoothly now and it's only shouty if the 5 year old decides to choose violence. Those mornings I choose not to fight back and he gets manhandled into the car.’

^This. Some of us have to deal with the above. Not all DC are the same.

I completely sympathise OP. Mornings are bloody hard work and I only have two. How many times do you need to ask them to do the same thing before you get a bit louder and more urgent? It's unbelievably frustrating and I don't know what the answer is.
My DH is useless in the mornings so it almost always falls to me. If he does "lead" on the morning routine, they'll often be late as he just doesn't have any real sense of time or urgency. Drives me ducking nuts.

Your DH was out of order taking the moral high ground when he hadn't actually managed to get the job done?

Let's see how it goes on Monday!

Stay in bed on Monday and let him take over entirely. If they’re late, that’s on him not you. Shouting doesn’t help, he was right but I understand why you were stressed.

5 kids here OP. I do 99% of the school runs and id absolutely enjoy my lie in on Monday if I were you and leave him be to see what it's like.
And as PPs have suggested he has to do everything you would normally do on a morning so packed lunches also if that's the norm!

I think I'd actually engage in a subtle bit of sabotage by say, hiding one shoe -
And absolutely do not do more than usual from the night before, no reminding them to bring their football kit/ swimming gear / lunch money just let him crack on.

I don't know whether I'd take the morning to lie in, or if I'd want a ring-side seat watching while sipping a lovely hot coffee..

Even if he has a totally peaceful morning on Monday he is not comparing like with like. For me the stress was the build up morning after morning until you reach a peak just as holidays arrive. Doing it one morning is a novelty all round so he can't gloat.

I salute you...getting out with 5 kids must be tough

I didn’t say you were a shit mum. I said you were teaching them that verbal abuse is an acceptable way to talk to someone to try and get them to do something.

Shouting 'Hurry up, it's time to go!' up the stairs is not verbal abuse fgs!

Fuck it - let him do it ALL - all the prep, for all the kids. He's handed you an out - take it.

Ohh good luck to him for Monday 🤣

Enjoy your lie in tomorrow, OP. Please do let us know how it all goes.

As an aside, I've never been more split on the outcome I want. Half of me wants him to fail miserably but the other half of me wants you to really savour your extra sleeping time.

Thanks again all for your replies. All fine now with me & DH. By way of an update on the this morning..the most realistic of these things happened:

I had a beautiful lie in, no shouting from downstairs and gang left on time

I had a very disturbed lie in due to all the shouting downstairs. Gang left 10 mins late with several bits and pieces missing

I didn’t have any lie in due to 2 kids being down with sickness. Pre school closed due to staff sickness also meant only 2 to get out, which DH managed very quietly but was still late

I'm going with secret option number 4 - @YellowTreeHouse turned up like Mary Poppings with her carpet bag, and had them all lined up at the door like the Von Trapp family with twenty minutes to spare, they each kissed you farewell and then marched off down the road singing "A Spoonful of Sugar" in a 5 part harmony. No??

Oh heck, hope everyone is better before christmas.

I only have one, but I was famous at her infant school. She refused to put her uniform on (age 6) . We needed to leave to get hubs to work, her to breakfast club and me to work (in that order due to office-school locations). I asked. DH shouted. Nada. So I grabbed her uniform and shoes, gave her one last chance. She refused. I put her in the car in jimjams, drsssing gown and slippers and set off. She didn't see dad put the uniform in the car. Get to school. Of course everyone else is in their uniform. She's now upset - used my gym towels to 'curtain' the interior of the car, got her into uniform, walked her in. Of course I checked she was ok, and of course I let the staff know in case she was upset. But she never, ever, refused to get dressed again. She's 21 now and fine.

I know someone else suggested making the lunches the night before, but another trick we had was a bag by the front door. We would put gloves, any other bits needed for school, slips etc in it the night before and she could just grab it and go - it was the last thing she did before bed. Maybe that might helip, especially with having 5?

Don’t worry OP. My mum was a shouter in the mornings to try and get all three of us up and out the house. Any gentle approaches did not work with us. I think the best trick she managed for a while was to change the time to 15 minutes earlier on all the clocks to give us a bit of leeway but must be impossible now in the age of smart everything! All adults now and have a lovely relationship with our mum and fortunately didn’t turn into “verbal abusers” on the basis of daily exasperated shouting for us to hurry up to get our shoes on.

🤣 yes that’s it exactly!