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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it rude to do the dishes while friends are there?

86 replies

Create10 · 16/12/2022 02:04

If you had a few friends around to your house for drinks and food, would you do the dishes whilst they were there?

So once everyone had finished their food, and were chatting over drinks (no time limits, everyone expecting a late one), would you disappear off to the kitchen to wash all of the dishes, or would you leave them stacked up in the sink and deal with them the next day, and concentrate on hosting?

YABU - I would do the dishes there and then
YANBU - I would place them out of the way in the sink and leave them until my guests had gone/the next morning

OP posts:

Mumclub · 16/12/2022 19:50

No i don’t think it’s rude… I personally would clean up any dishes whilst guests were there otherwise I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the conversation, so quick tidy up then I can ‘relax’ with our company. Although anyone we invite round is either close family or friends.

amicissimma · 16/12/2022 19:54

IME the best conversations happen in the kitchen while we clear up.
I don't think I'm the only one who feels like this as at mine, or other people's, everyone jumps up at the end of the meal (after a reasonable chatting/digesting interval), grabs items from the table and heads for the kitchen. A bit of bartering over the rubber gloves, maybe, and a darn good gossip.

I quite enjoy the treasure hunt for days afterwards when people have 'put things away'.

poefaced · 16/12/2022 19:54

My family always start washing up, which actually annoys me. I’d prefer to leave it all and do it ourselves in the morning, when I’ll have much more energy.

I then spend ages trying to get them to shift from the sink 🙄

Original poster

Create10 · 17/12/2022 15:26

DarkAndDusty · 16/12/2022 11:34

I'm truly fascinated to learn that people get offended if their host takes time to tidy up the dishes after dinner. Do you really require special attention and entertainment at all times when visiting someone's home?

Of course the polite thing to do as a guest is to initiate/help with the washing up as a gesture of thanks to your hosts..

It's not about attention, it's about feeling in the way and that the host is wrapping the night up.

OP posts:

Wallywobbles · 17/12/2022 15:35

I put as much in the dishwasher as possible and start it. I go to bed when I've had enough. Kids and I and anyone who wants to helps with what can be done unobtrusively.

DH accompanies guests til they leave (could be 6am). Then he cleans everything else away.

Sceptre86 · 17/12/2022 15:45

I'm south east asian and I would take my dishes through and ask for a cloth to clean the table. If it's someone I know well I'd probably clear plates and do the dishes myself. When meeting dh's friends I cleared the table and then was ushered into the living room and they did the dishes after we had gone. At mine I don't expect guests to help but if they clear the table I'm greatful. I would do the dishes, stack the dishwasher, often need to do both whilst I'm getting teas, coffee made. I've got young kids though and would hate to come down in the morning to a load if dishes. I like my sink empty before I go to bed. I'd rather leave dh to carry on the conversation as he's much better at it than me.

Sceptre86 · 17/12/2022 15:47

@amicissimma I totally agree. The kitchen after a party is the place to be at my mum's. We all catch up and have a right outline laugh.

Fuwari · 17/12/2022 15:52

I don't even wash my own dinner dishes until the next day! Let alone when I have guests. I think it somewhat spoils the mood when you're all relaxed and chatting and it's like "right lets clear up". Especially if I've eaten a big meal. I like to sit and let my food go down so to speak.

So if I have guests and they try to clean up I'm insistent they just leave it. If I'm at someone elses and they get up to clear up then obviously yes I'll offer to help as I'm not totally rude! Although I wouldn't instigate a clean up.

SugarNspices · 17/12/2022 16:10

I have a small kitchen and no dish washer so I generally clear up. Guests often offer to help and I only except close friends or family. Sometimes I just rinse the plates and soak the pots wipe the tops, until they leave and I can do the rest of my DH does it while I'm entertaining or vice versa. I think leaving a dirty kitchen overnight leaves a horrible smell, attracts mice, and can't bear the thought of them over my work tops eating crumbs, especially in winter when they try come in more.

BrokenCup · 17/12/2022 16:17

I kind of clear as I go, but I wouldn't stand at the sink doing the washing up. If you're the kind of household that hosts, a dishwasher isn't a luxury IMO 😆

Christmas lunch is different, as clearing up needs to be done ready for the next meal.

Riverlee · 17/12/2022 16:18

Would leave them stacked up, and enjoy the evening with my friends.

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