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Original poster

Is it rude to do the dishes while friends are there?

86 replies

Create10 · 16/12/2022 02:04

If you had a few friends around to your house for drinks and food, would you do the dishes whilst they were there?

So once everyone had finished their food, and were chatting over drinks (no time limits, everyone expecting a late one), would you disappear off to the kitchen to wash all of the dishes, or would you leave them stacked up in the sink and deal with them the next day, and concentrate on hosting?

YABU - I would do the dishes there and then
YANBU - I would place them out of the way in the sink and leave them until my guests had gone/the next morning

OP posts:
gannett · 16/12/2022 10:20

Depends really. Sometimes I'll shove plates from the main course/starter in the dishwasher if DP needs space to do dessert or drinks, but that's hardly embarking on the proper clear-up. Most guests offer to help but no one is allowed to stack the dishwasher apart from me. Majority of dishes get left for the next day though - I'd never do the dishes at the expense of socialising with my guests apart from certain in-laws

JLQ1020 · 16/12/2022 10:27

If my husband was there with me and it's his friends/family he would keep them company in living room while I washed the dishes and vice versa of its mainly my friends/family.
If its just me then ill stack them neatly and do them later.

KrisAkabusi · 16/12/2022 10:49

No. Eat. Everyone helps tidy up, then everyone moves to the comfortable seats in the sitting room.

sheepdogdelight · 16/12/2022 10:55

If they are good friends/family then I would. Chances are one or more of the friends would offer to help or at least come into the kitchen and chat whilst I was washing up.

If they are more DH's friends, I'd probably wash up while he entertained and vice versa if they were more my friends.

lieselotte · 16/12/2022 10:57

I would do the dishes, I would rather do them while I've got company and potentially some help to dry up etc, than wait until they've gone and I just want to drop into bed.

quinceh · 16/12/2022 10:58

Personal choice and all that, but I wouldn’t. It’s a job that can be done later or in the morning, not during social time. I also wouldn’t want someone else to try and do them, or help me, and I wouldn’t offer to help with washing up at someone else’s house if there for dinner.

jeppdo · 16/12/2022 10:59

@Create10 I haven't read the full thread, but this is a cultural thing. In my northern upper working class upbringing it was traditional for everyone (well at least the women) to pitch in with the washing up after a meal. It changed when everyone started getting dishwashers, but I have one friend who doesn't have a dishwasher and noticeably gets the hump if people don't pitch in. She's the traditional type, that's all, not rude.

Heyisforhorses · 16/12/2022 11:00

If i was in a close friends house id be helping wash as totally informal and I'd know where to out everything, if a friend I'd bring to the sink and help if open plan but not if separate rooms, Id just leave them (but would ask if they need help). Wouldn't bother me if they said im going to do these now, back in 10 if there are others there. Informal food doesnt need pots and pans so shouldnt take that long IMO

LolaSmiles · 16/12/2022 11:03

I'd not be able to make breakfast for DC in the morning if we didn't make some attempt to tidy the worst of the dishes up on an evening.

On an informal gathering I'd put the kettle on for everyone and load the dishwasher whilst I'm making drinks for everyone.

It means half the kitchen work surface would be clear for morning and it doesn't feel as bad coming down to it.

RunLolaRun102 · 16/12/2022 11:05

I’m Indian but we usually wash up, vacuum, and tidy up as we chat with our guests - open plan so it’s more sociable. I don’t like guests helping me - will make them a drink while we finish then by the 2nd round we’ll be ready to join.

123woop · 16/12/2022 11:06

I tend to leave them as I can't bear people interfering 😂 and if I started doing dishes obviously people trip over themselves to help and I'd rather just leave it!
I've been to some people's houses and they do the dishes whilst we're there and i don't find it rude or anything

RunLolaRun102 · 16/12/2022 11:06

and when I say ‘we’ I mean dh lol

Footballhater · 16/12/2022 11:12

We quite often have friends round for dinner, in England, and don’t ever wash up whilst people are here. We do have a dishwasher, so like a PP I try to have the dishwasher empty at the start of the meal and will stick some dishes in as we go and put it on. Our dining table is in our kitchen. But if we have ( as we usually would) have 8 for dinner the rest gets left on the worktops. After everyone has gone home I’ll usually empty and restart the now clean dishwasher, then do the glasses etc in the morning. The only time people might help out other than bringing some empty dishes off the table between courses is if they are staying over.

olympicsrock · 16/12/2022 11:15

My mum’s rule was always leave glasses and special dishes until the next day. Tired merry people tend to break things .
was good advice

ThePrinterIsEvil · 16/12/2022 11:16

I don't like other people messing about in my kitchen, so I prefer to clear up later. But it's open plan and I have a dishwasher, so if friends insist on helping then I don't stop them.

When I'm the guest, I always offer to help. I am very contrary!

Although I do think it's nice to just focus on the company if possible.

KimberleyClark · 16/12/2022 11:17

I would not do this, I’d rather talk to my guests.

thelobsterquadrille · 16/12/2022 11:17

MagpiePi · 16/12/2022 08:01

I leave everything till the next day.
I'm with the PP and would think it rude to go off and do washing up while they are still there, or expect them to help out.
I wouldn’t put the hoover round or start on a pile of ironing either!

Not really comparable, is it?

DarkAndDusty · 16/12/2022 11:34

I'm truly fascinated to learn that people get offended if their host takes time to tidy up the dishes after dinner. Do you really require special attention and entertainment at all times when visiting someone's home?

Of course the polite thing to do as a guest is to initiate/help with the washing up as a gesture of thanks to your hosts..

ODFOx · 16/12/2022 12:23

I find it really rude when people clear up round us and just want to leave.
Likewise I don't clean around guests here if it's a dinner party: different for overnight guests of course!

LadyDanburysHat · 16/12/2022 12:30

I don't want to miss the fun, so would stack stuff up in the kitchen and leave it until guests have gone.

My Mum is completely anal about everything being clean and tidy and misses so much family time by being a slave to the kitchen. She has a dishwasher these days but will spend ages cleaning every surface and vacuuming crumbs off the floor. It's painful to be around.

Lost123454 · 16/12/2022 12:33

When we go to the IL's we all help clear away and then do the washing up

MIL has done the cooking, it's good manners to help

PingPongMerrilyWithPie · 16/12/2022 12:38

I remember my parents' friends pitching in in pre-DW days, but we always turn down offers of help. One of us will stack the DW while making coffee or something, and we leave the rest until they've gone.

I wonder whether things are turning back full circle now that kitchen diners are more in fashion, and you can't just shut the door on the mess so easily.

nokidshere · 16/12/2022 12:42

I might tidy round a bit whilst making coffee but I'd leave the dishes till later. Not overnight though, ever! Nothing worse than getting up to a sink full of dirty pots & pans.

Reugny · 16/12/2022 12:43

olympicsrock · 16/12/2022 11:15

My mum’s rule was always leave glasses and special dishes until the next day. Tired merry people tend to break things .
was good advice

That's the ones that are left to the next day.

pizzaHeart · 16/12/2022 12:58

I won’t do dishes unless there are no enough plates or cutlery in this case one of us will do them and the other will stay with guests. We don’t have dishwasher and I don’t like people doing things in my kitchen ( it’s small so things should be done in a certain way)