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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD still believes in Father Christmas

81 replies

FooFighter99 · 14/12/2022 15:16

She's 11 on Friday....

Do I tell her he isn't real, or let her eventually find out on her own?

I'm genuinely shocked no-one at school has burst the Santa bubble yet but I think Covid and no school for a year may be partly to blame

Is she too old? She's quite a young/naïve girl tbh (not baby-ish, but not overly mature either)

OP posts:
Tundrawave · 14/12/2022 20:09

nickelbabe · 14/12/2022 20:02

I'm not sure what your AIBU is....
but dd was 11 on Monday and I'm not even contemplating telling her.
If she asks me, then we'll discuss it.
But until then, he's real if she believes it.

My mum always said "if you don't believe you don't get any presents", so we all "believed" right up to now.
It's all part of the fun, isn't it!

Yes it’s all very fun, up until they believe too long and get picked on for it.

A friend of my brothers mum went through a lot of effort to keep Santa real, he was picked on horrifically at school for it aged 12 as he was adamant Santa was real.

It wasn’t fun for him

UWhatNow · 14/12/2022 20:11

I never understand this joyless need to ‘tell them the truth’. They know it. You don’t need to say anything. Just continue enjoying the magic and have fun.

BanditOne · 14/12/2022 20:24

I always like to think even when they do find out the truth, I'm not going to make it a big deal.. ... Santa is still a big part of the magic and fun of Christmas!!
It doesn't matter if he's not real!! It's still good fun
🙂🙂

nickelbabe · 14/12/2022 20:35

I'd prefer it That way than be the git who spoilt it for everyone

Tundrawave · 14/12/2022 20:36

nickelbabe · 14/12/2022 20:35

I'd prefer it That way than be the git who spoilt it for everyone

You’d prefer your child to be bullied than spoil something for them?

something they should have really figured out themselves

Lovageandrose · 14/12/2022 20:37

I’m shocked there are parents of 11 year olds that have to tell their children Father Christmas isn’t real. It really is generation snowflake.

MolliciousIntent · 14/12/2022 20:41

Lovageandrose · 14/12/2022 20:37

I’m shocked there are parents of 11 year olds that have to tell their children Father Christmas isn’t real. It really is generation snowflake.

It's the parents who believe, not the kids! Almost 100% of the time, the 11yr old who's mum swears blind they still believe has cottoned on years ago and is just playing along.

Peashoots · 14/12/2022 20:45

Op, she doesn’t believe. Sorry but at 11with no learning or developmental delays, she is absolutely playing along! Which is lovely, and keeps the magic alive.
I’ve never told my kids father christmas isn’t real and we still do stockings and mince pie for Santa each year…but it 14, 16 and 20 they definitely don’t really believe 😆

Chrispackhamspoodle · 14/12/2022 20:53

I told my 11 year old before she started secondary (after reading a mumsnet thread) and she was so upset as she kind of knew anyway but could no longer go on pretending.Honestly I felt like I'd ruined Christmas for her.She wanted to know why I had told her when none of her friends parents had done that to them.Haven't told my now nearly 14 year old.Obviously she knows but gets to roll her eyes at me when I talk about Santa whilst still getting to be a kid and put out her stocking .Leave her to work it out herself.

eelieza · 14/12/2022 21:01

Maybe she thinks shell get less presents if she admits she knows? I doubt she thinks hes real

underneaththeash · 14/12/2022 21:06

DDs BF who is taller than me, has periods and boobs still believes.
no-one has lied and DD has been asked only to say if she’s directly asked. (Which she’s fine about)
May DS2 believed until age 12 or so.
it’s a difficult one as I was really upset with my parents for lying - so we’ve never lied, maybe it’s just a game?

ACynicalDad · 14/12/2022 21:07

I might help her find out, say something after Christmas about buying one of the things in her stocking, or offer to take it back. I know mine who is a bit younger is not sure but I don't think he wants to risk not getting presents by saying anything.

DarkKarmaIlama · 14/12/2022 21:08

My DD is in year 6, she’s also 11 and is definitely pretending to believe in Santa 😂. I do think she is 50/50 but we will tell her in prep for year 7.

zippyswife · 14/12/2022 21:11

I told ds1 (12) last week assuming he already had worked it out. He crumpled to the floor in tears 🤯. He’s very bright, and grown up for his age in many ways… even has a girlfriend 😵‍💫…. Has never believed in God despite being raised in a Catholic family and school- he says there’s no science behind it. Santa on the other hand…

I felt so sad for him but he would have been bullied mercilessly!

Trees6 · 14/12/2022 21:12

She’s probably figured it out OP, but you easily can mention it in January.

OneFrenchEgg · 14/12/2022 21:20

stationroads · 14/12/2022 15:42

My children have never been “told” and they still “believe”.

Christmas list for Santa, with their requests, a letter written to Santa and treats left out every Christmas Eve.

They all lay out their sacks and stockings etc.

They are 15/13 & 11.

Mines 24.... Grin

FixItUpChappie · 14/12/2022 21:21

My son was like this…. he suspected but wasn’t ready to let it go. It’s such a tough age…leave her be. It’s kids who should be able to decide when they have outgrown things. I just tried to gently share how much fun and joy I had at Christmas at every age (and presents too)

DrCoconut · 14/12/2022 21:29

I'd say a child of that age is most likely playing along because they enjoy it or don't want the magic of it all to be over. They are too worldly to think Santa is literally real.

JustFrustrated · 14/12/2022 21:32

I told my 10 year old (year 6) on Saturday just gone. Had a giggle and a chat and all is good.

Now she feels more grown up, and like she's in on the big magic secret.

Also had to tell her about the Easter bunny and tooth fairy....

Maybebabyno2 · 14/12/2022 21:48

I had to be told quite young as I was absolutely terrified of santa and cried at the idea of him breaking into the house. With DS, we are doing it but if he gets scared about it we will stop too. Will still do the stocking etc just not say its from Him 🤣🤣

Bigbus · 14/12/2022 22:04

I have three dc and they were all different.

DD1 - I was sure she knew. She’s been a committed atheist since age 7. But turns out she really did believe until yr7 and a dance teacher said ‘no one still believes in FC do they?’ - cue huge meltdown when she got home. In fairness though she’s super bright but definitely on the autistic spectrum, just not diagnosed at her own request.

DD2 just sort of knew at about 9/10 years old. Now trauma, no disasters, just an easy transition from believing to ‘believing’.

DS really did believe until he was nearly 11, then read something in one of the Fudge books that made him ask me and given his age I had to tell him the truth (sort of - I told him about how something doesn’t have to be physically real, you can still believe in the spirit of it and actually it’s really fun when you’re in on it because you get to be Santa). He’s in the know now but still choosing to ‘believe’. I’m 45 and I’ve been Santa for 16 years and I still believe!

IDontWantToBeAPie · 14/12/2022 22:42

I lied that I believed until I was 10!

I didn't want to lose the magic but knew from around 7.

Themisthefacts · 15/12/2022 01:41

Maybe she is going along with the magic of Santa for you . My son didn’t tell me for years that he knew .Either way I’m glad your not going to burst the Santa bubble just before Christmas but I would have a gentle talk about it in the new year before high school .

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/12/2022 17:14

Let her have one last Xmas believing

Why would you burst the bubble this close 🥲

I think you have to tell them the summer before they start secondary school so they don't get teased

TiredButAlive · 15/12/2022 17:17

My daughter still "believed" after her older brother told her what was what (about age 9). Now she's an adult she admits she did know Father Christmas was make believe then but just wanted to believe. I think it's just a way of holding on to being the baby of the family.