DD still believes in Father Christmas

[FooFighter99]

She's 11 on Friday....

Do I tell her he isn't real, or let her eventually find out on her own?

I'm genuinely shocked no-one at school has burst the Santa bubble yet but I think Covid and no school for a year may be partly to blame

Is she too old? She's quite a young/naïve girl tbh (not baby-ish, but not overly mature either)

I'm mid thirties and my oldest sibling is 50. We still "believe" (and still get stockings if we're staying in the family home on Christmas Eve)!

I wouldn't say anything at all, not now and not at 25. I remember being about 10 years old and someone blurting it out in front of me, saying "she can't possibly still believe he's real, can she?" and I was really upset, but hid it. I'm 27 now and I still "believe". I track Santa, leave out biscuits, a carrot and milk on Christmas Eve, say I can't wait for Santa to arrive, etc etc. It's just all part of the magic and am so looking forward to doing it for my child when I have one. I like to think the belief just matures into something else, rather than disappears :)

Well, I pretended to still believe to keep the magic alive for a few years. Even when I was 12 my mum would go on about Santa Claus, I used to roll my eyes but did engage. I didn't tell my mum age 10 that I didn't believe anymore, and my mum didn't say anything. There just wasn't any need.

No presents under the tree until they're delivered by Santa, and stockings hooked on their doors at bedtime. Maintaining the "still believing" has allowed them stop believing whilst keeping the magic. But we never really went in for Santa big time as this very generous person. For us, he's just the North Pole's DHL.

Maintaining the "still believing" has allowed them stop believing whilst keeping the magic

I agree with this. Having a conversation about it seems so final and bubble-bursting.

I guarantee she's pretending.

I have to tell you my worst parenting fail. DS was five and said "mum there isn't really a father Christmas is there?".
I didn't really know how long children believed so I said no of course not. He was disappointed at first but then excited to be part of the adult conspirisory. He never told his little brother.
However he's 25 now and will still get a stocking at Christmas.

Think I discovered Santa wasn't real by 5. We lived in a block of flats so I couldn't work out how he'd get in without a chimney.

I personally don't plan on encouraging the Santa lie to my kids, I wanna be a consistent source of truth. That said I wouldn't seek to actively kill the fantasy, just when they ask me.

You don’t need to tell her ever, she has probably realised it herself already. I continued to play along for years after realising and I am pretty sure other people did at high school too

I only found out when I was 12... And that was only because I asked. I think my Mum would have been happy to keep the secret going forever! 😂Definitely don't tell her before Xmas, cherish the years she maybe still believes because it won't be anywhere near as fun for you when she doesn't :)

My mum died last year. I'm 43. Mum went to her grave believing I still believed in Santa!! (Well of course she knew I didn't, but we never discussed it!! Just talked like he was real my whole life!!!)

She likely knows OP ;)

@Hillarious Exactly that! It’s great!

And my thought process was very much, if I tell them, what would change? Nothing, accept them being told something they necessarily didn’t need to be told.

I will always ask for a list, I will always buy from the list, within their budget, so they never know, what they will be getting from the list until the day arrives. Anything they wanted after that is purchased with their Christmas money.

I never told mine, they reached a natural assumption at around 10. You don’t need to tell her, she’s likely already sceptical and will stop believing by secondary school.

Are you sure she still believes? I never told my mum that I knew he didn’t exist…. and still never have. I’m now in my late 30s. I just kind of went along with it and no-one mentioned it. I didn’t want to break my mums heart, so I didn’t tell her I knew.
There wasn’t a big revelation either, I just sort of worked it out around the age of 8.

It's probably a case of suspended disbelief because she loves the magic so much. I definitely wouldn't break the spell just before Christmas. Just have a chat a few weeks after Christmas as she obviously can't go to secondary still under any illusion but it's sweet to have one more year.

My DS still believes - he’s year 6 - 11 in March. I think he genuinely does believe judging by what he is saying to me although sometimes I think he just loves the whole magic of it and isn’t ready to face that it’s not real yet. He’s told me the kids at school say he’s not real but then he gives me a detailed explanation why he thinks he’s real. I’m in awe at his innocence! But yes before high school I think I will sit him down and tell him the truth. We’re still having to do the elf every night too. I did joke with my 15 year old that he should have told him like me sister told me when I was 8 !

@stationroads

your 15 year old will absolutely not believe

We have a nearly 11 year old here who still believes too! He said a few years back that we hide the presents and there is no santa so I sent him to look on Christmas eve and he came back empty handed...the next morning there was a bike in the living room. Last year we visited Santa who knew things about them that only Santa could know...he loved it so we went back again this year. He knows all the other Santa's are just people dressed up but he is absolute that he sees the real Santa because there's no explanation for how this man can know the information he does.

I love that he still believes and I don't think we will actually tell him. I think he probably knows deep down that Santa isn't real but this one has him stumped so, for now, he still believes. No adult ever sat me down and told me he wasn't real, we just grow up and enjoy the Magic in other ways.

Of course you need to tell her.

Is she ND? You mention sensory issues and frankly being ND is the only reason a child that old still believing in Santa is plausible (unless they’re severely lacking in common sense and critical thinking)

It always baffles me on threads like these when posters praise the child for being ‘innocent’ - if anything I’d consider myself a failed parent for not raising a child with enough about them to question something so clearly false by 11!

@LuckySantangelo35 I said “believe”. As you well know, but are being pedantic. 🙄

Let her believe as long as she does… I still believe in the magic of Christmas

Ha I think I found out in year 6... I'm sure I might have had doubts but I still sort of believed... until we had to write letters as 'santa' to the reception kids!

I'm not sure what your AIBU is....
but dd was 11 on Monday and I'm not even contemplating telling her.
If she asks me, then we'll discuss it.
But until then, he's real if she believes it.

My mum always said "if you don't believe you don't get any presents", so we all "believed" right up to now.
It's all part of the fun, isn't it!

Definitely let her have this christmas.
Agree with the pps saying half-believing/ knowing on some level but playing along is a thing, and it's a shame to ruin that at any age.
You could if you wanted just dial down the pretending a bit... use the same wrapping paper for you and santa or something.

If Santa is your mum, I wwon't get any presents this year because my mum died.

So I'm hoping Santa's real, because I want presents still!

My DS has only just worked it out at 11 and all of you saying there’s no way they still believe then, he really did! He was really sad it wasn’t true but got over it quickly. He’s neurotypical and bright, able etc - not sure why people on mumsnet can’t accept that!