To not send my child to rough local secondary

[BelleMarionette]

Local secondary is rough as nails, think stabbings both in and out of it, horrific local pupil behaviour. Results are poor, including both absolute scores and value added. Saying this, while it undersubscribed, some local families do choose it.

My DC's best friend goes there and they wanted to go their too. I said no, and they are taking the bus to a school in a much more affluent area. The pupil behaviour is miles better, as are the exam results and value added. However, they didn't know anyone there.

They are now begging to go to the rough local school. To be with friends, and because of the soft approach of the local school.

It may be snobbery, but the behaviour of the pupils meant I wasn't even willing to view the local school.

Aibu

I went to a school in Croydon where there were stabbings. As a bright child with an already difficult home life (this was not picked up - probably because they had bigger issues going on) I was quiet, clever and mousey and as such a target for bullies. It was a horrendous experience. For those who were popular, they got roped into more antisocial behaviour, and for those who weren’t, we were bullied horrifically. And my qualifications were nowhere near what I was capable of because they saw me as a sure pass and left me to teach myself, while putting me in for as many exams as possible. They didn’t know how to handle someone bright and hard working and were too busy fighting fires elsewhere.

I’ve moved very far from where I grew up but am still anxious about not being able to get DD into the catchments for the best schools in our area because I still have hang-ups from my high school experience. YANBU at all.

Sorry to hear this. I had a similar experience to you, but only for one year till I got out of that horrible school.

I am aware that being clever could make her a target for bullying. She isn't a popular kid either, and has been bullied in primary.

Perhaps you could discuss accounts like yours and mine with her, to show you’re not making up rules from thin air! She might be happier making the best of where she is if she knows what the alternative is.

Good point. I have discussed what goes on at the local secondary and the importance of a good education, but not personal experiences.

What is scary at the local school is that the culture for many of the children is carrying knives, along with the glorification of gang culture, listening to very unpleasant music, 'postcode wars', horrible behaviour and language. It clearly starts at home and there is only so much the school can do. Another local school has a metal detector, but then the kids were just hiding the knives around the school.

Just that you get one childhood and you should pick a school that suits your child. You can pick up qualifications at any time, they are not the most important things.

Being alive is very important.

They can’t all go to the good school

I would send them to the nicer school if you can. I went to quite a rough sec school and found it hard.

arrange some playdates/cinema trips etc over the holidays with families from the new school. What plans have you made to get to know other families there?

Encourage your child to try to arrange something, but surely there isn't that level of parental involvement at high school?

@ilovesooty presumably this is a year 7 child. They get a bus - so transport is an issue. A bit of parental help is going to go a long way here helping with lifts to arrange anything in the school holidays. And maybe money etc needed for cinema trips?

The child is asking for help here

Point taken in regard to transport and money. I thought you meant trying to make direct contact with other parents to arrange playdates, which I thought was more a primary school thing.

Yes a year 7 child. I'm happy to drive to friends or the area: I often go that way anyway, or pay for social activities. I don't have the contact details of any friends' parents given this is secondary, so cannot arrange playdates. I did lots of this at primary and still do with primary friends.

@BelleMarionette secondary schools can help you share contact details. The PA can have class reps which put parents in touch with each other (e.g. class parents whatsapp groups); the school may have an inline directory that parents can opt into. I would ask the school and the PA how they help families gets to know each other. Join the PA if necessary.

It makes it much easier to arrange things and help facilitate friendships and lift sharing if you can meet other parents, even once, and exchange contact details

It doesn't matter what School you send your son too. Every School in the World has bad behaviour, bullies, bullying, Thieves etc