To not send my child to rough local secondary

[BelleMarionette]

Local secondary is rough as nails, think stabbings both in and out of it, horrific local pupil behaviour. Results are poor, including both absolute scores and value added. Saying this, while it undersubscribed, some local families do choose it.

My DC's best friend goes there and they wanted to go their too. I said no, and they are taking the bus to a school in a much more affluent area. The pupil behaviour is miles better, as are the exam results and value added. However, they didn't know anyone there.

They are now begging to go to the rough local school. To be with friends, and because of the soft approach of the local school.

It may be snobbery, but the behaviour of the pupils meant I wasn't even willing to view the local school.

Aibu

In no way would I send my kids to a shit school. I would move heaven and Earth to get them into the best schools locally, including loving house.

Your child should have no say in the decision at their current age. You are doing the right thing in my opinion.

We already have a place, they are already attending the school I have chosen.

Are they year 7? There's normally a resetting of friendships after the first term. I'd hold your nerve. The one thing you might need to do is be prepared to do some driving at holidays and weekends to help friendships with non-local pupils.

You’re doing the right thing. That said there was a stabbing at DC’s outstanding Ofsted /amazing results school. It happens when hormonal teens are involved. Difference is it gets good results though

I made very similar decisions for my two and they are both glad I did.

@BelleMarionette i think you may live near me - are you West Yorkshire? If so not a chance in hell would i send my kids to that school YANBU

You haven't mentioned your DD age but I'm assuming she's year 7. I was a kid that didn't get sent to the local rough secondary. Very few of my class mates were from my area. At first I hated it. Not only a new environment but I found it difficult to make friends when they already had their own groups that they had spent primary with. I'd say it was the second year I gradually extended my friend group. By the time I left I had a group of friends that didn't live local, this didn't effect our friendship though. I chose not to go to my local college either. I wouldn't change her schools but I would be honest, my parents were with me, and reassure her she will settle in.

Year 7, so it is a recent change

@BelleMarionette honestly, bit of time to settle in and she'll be fine. As I got older and heard how bad things were at the local school I was pleased I wasn't there. I still live around the same area and I'm determined my DS won't go there, it hasn't changed.

🤣

There have been two stabbings at my son's sought-after grammar school in the last 6 years.

Sorry not really the point of your post. Of course YANBU to want your child to stay at the better school. That said I went to a super amazing everyone wants to get in here school and hated it so much I did shockingly poorly in GCSEs cos I was so unhappy

Stabbings? It’s not snobbery to send her to the other school. It’s protecting her life.

I was the kid who got sent to the rough secondary school so please, for the love of your daughter and the importance of her education, let her go to the affluent school. Please.

My son is all grown up now but to this day I am still so glad I didn’t send him to the local school for the reasons you’ve mentioned. I genuinely do not know one child from his group of friends in primary who got on ok there. I got a little bit of stick at the time as some of the other mums thought there’d be safety in numbers so to speak, there wasn’t any safety from what I saw over the years. Best decision i made was to put a placing request in and I ended moving into the catchment area at a later date.

YANBU. We had the same dilemma.

Majority of DDs Y6 class applied for the local high school. Which is renowned for violence/bullying and school unable to cope/deal with it. Usually isolating/suspending innocent party to dissolve situation temporary instead of tackling head on. Grades also poor. OFSTED and governers are involved with mutiple complaints.

Luckily our DD opted for the second, about a mile or two further out came through. Much better school/grades/moral and never hear of anything relating to bullying ect.

Unfortunalty the following year, they reduced the catchment arrear significantly as they were so inundated with transfers and applications. After already raising capacity due to demand. Luckily for us, with DD1 already attending, DD2 had a secured placement.

It is now the highest picked school in local area having to turn away over half of applicants.

I myself do not drive, but knowing my DDs are in a safe and happy environment is worth the walk they do daily. (No bus route)

Stick with what you feel though, Y7 is a massive change with blended classes from multiple schools and new friendships at any school, and not guaranteed to be with familiar faces. DD1 started with only 2 people from her primary. Neither in many lessons. DD2 no one from primary. Both settled in within a week or two with new friendships and couldn't be happier.

Also a relief for me daily after hearing some of stories from other schools.

Side note....they are also still in contact with primary school friends . So still have maintained them friendship groups outside of school.

Maybe even speak to the school if they are feeling a little isolated/homesick from old friends. They may have a "buddy" system in place which encourages new friendships for them to pair up with pupils in same classes ect.

Good Luck though OP x

Children only get one education so let it be a good one . No I wouldn't send my child to a rough school .

My children go to a school a 30 minute bus ride away for this exact reason!
My son went first with some of his friends from primary school. My daughter however went without any of her friends so we booked her into summer school and she had made a few friends before she started.
Both are happy and doing well.
Over my dead body would either of them be going to our local secondary school.

I would. She hasn't even viewed it yet.

If you've already got a place and can afford to get her there I don't see what the problem is.

Oh fuck off.

this OP is one of those threads where I ask why has the OP bothered? What, exactly, is the point you’re making?

For me it would depend on how sociable your DD is with new groups in general, I went to a private school at 11 where I knew no one, I had an awful time settling in and making friends. I probably wouldn’t want my DD going to a school with issues as you’ve described if there’s a better option available, but I would be doing my best to help them settle in and maintain their friendships outside of school.

So your dc has just finished the first full term and doesn’t feel settled in their school? That’s not great.

for your dc I’d say you can’t move within the year but would consider over the summer between year 7 and 8. Then contact your dcs form tutor, say they haven’t settled / are struggling to make friends etc, can they offer support.

Any friends your dc has at the new school, encourage / support the friendships, invite them over to yours over the holidays, etc.

focus on getting your dc to feel settled at the school they are at.

The school is rough.

It is nothing to do with the children who go there socioeconomic backgrounds but their behaviour, their attitude and how weak the leadership team is.

Myself and most of my extended family have gone to schools where pupils have engaged in criminal behaviour. This includes recently. However the difference is pupils have the sense to do it completely off the school grounds due to the zero tolerance level of the school. Oh and the kids also know not to get caught doing it in logo parts of their school uniform.

Could you speak to your DC to find out what's going on at their current school to see if there's something under the surface?

It might not be that they want to be at the other school, but because they've not settled in the new school they've got the feeling the grass is greener in their friends' school, especially if the friends are sharing how fun it is to be in a school where the leaders expect less of the pupils.

YANBU for wanting your DC to have a good education. Most people would do the best they can for their children.

If it's THAT school then the whole area has a problem with county lines, it's not confined to the school. And given that the police station is closing I cannot see the situation improving. I honestly would move house as well as school.