He never puts anything away. Ever. Everywhere he goes he leaves a little trail of clues as to what he’s been doing.
Making coffee - empty coffee bag on the side, coffee grounds split all over the work surface, milk left out of the fridge, cupboard door open from where he got his mug out. If he had to top up the sugar bowl then he’ll leave the cupboard open where the sugar packet is from, will then leave the sugar packet out, sugar split everywhere… it is never ending.
He says he doesn’t see it but will often moan at the kids for leaving their shoes in the middle of the floor (he leaves his immediately behind our front door so that if someone knocks and I don’t seen them (dark shoes/ dark floor), I can’t open the door! I once came back from the shops, opened the front door, started walking into the house with bags of food in each hand, only for the door to bounce off a pair of boots he’d left behind it and it smacked me in the mouth! Split lip, blood everywhere.
Laundry - he leaves dirty clothes on the floor, but also clean clothes and only he knows the difference. Eventually, when he’s run out of pants, he scoops it all up and plonks it in the washing basket. Correction, he might place it on top of the basket or next to it on the floor, as you know how heavy washing basket lids can be.
Since the DCs came along I have lowered my standards so much, just to avoid my own brain imploding from the stress it causes me, but I don’t feel like I can lower them any longer. It’s been over 13 years now and I’ve just had enough.
He moved into my house when we first got together and I ended up giving him the spare room for his stuff as I just couldn’t tolerate the mess. I would open the door every so often and it was like a teenager’s bedroom. He told me that when we had our own house together he would make more of an effort.
That was a lie.
Sometimes I can laugh it off, like now - this is intended as a light-hearted moan more than anything. But sometimes it really gets me down - like how can he care about me one bit if he can’t tidy up after himself (that’s all I’m after) to make me happy? I think about all the changes I’ve made over the years to accommodate his likes & dislikes, but he can’t do this for me?!
It makes it really hard to manage the DC’s mess too - my eldest DD has adopted nearly all his messy traits and I’m so sad. She’ll kick her shoes off when she comes in, drop her coat on the floor, etc. I’ll ask her to pick it up and she’ll say “Daddy doesn’t”. I mean, what can I say to that?!
Please tell me I’m not alone, and if I’m not then what can I do?! How do you cope?!