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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people move on so quickly sometimes

69 replies

Baobuns · 13/12/2022 11:34

Seen it a few times lately where people have ended relationships of several years and then 2 months later in a relationship with someone else.
I know some people do that to help move on from the previous person... but in a lot of cases it was them who ended it.
It's like people just can't be single even for a few months.

OP posts:
DashboardConfessional · 13/12/2022 11:37

Sometimes it's because the new person was lurking in the background and there was no "couple of months later"!

I understand it. I wouldn't want to be a someone's rebound but people who previously enjoyed a long-term relationship often miss that companionship.

dolor · 13/12/2022 11:37

Let people do what they want. 🙄

SunshineClouds1 · 13/12/2022 11:37

It was probably the reason for the split, affair etc and only coming out to people later on

Lkydfju · 13/12/2022 11:39

Sometimes though you’ve mentally left a relationship months or even years before you actually leave; I’ve been in that situation where I moved on quickly but actually the relationship had been dead for months but neither of us addressed it

Original poster
Baobuns · 13/12/2022 11:39

Agree there's often an overlap and part of the reason why the first relationship ended

OP posts:
sparkellie · 13/12/2022 11:40

Sometimes it's because the other person has been the catalyst for the break up. But sometimes a relationship had been over in all but name for a long time before the actual separation, and that person has been through the process of letting go of the relationship whilst still technically in it.

coldec · 13/12/2022 11:40

Why do you care so much about when other people choose to enter new relationships?

AreOttersJustWetCats · 13/12/2022 11:41

If it was them who ended it, it's likely they were working their way towards ending it for a year or more. So psychologically, they will have checked out of the relationship and started processing it/moving on ages ago.

What's your problem with it? Should someone who has had the temerity to end a bad relationship be forced to do a period of purdah to atone for their wrongs?

Bestcatmum · 13/12/2022 11:42

Yes my ex, came over to ask if he could come back and he's got no money then 2 weeks later was with someone else.
I'm glad I didn't give him any money. We were married for 20 years.

DesertIslandCondiment · 13/12/2022 11:43

Life's short. I was in a dead relationship. We amicably ended it then I got together with someone I had always liked and they were now single.

Been together nearly 20 years.

DashboardConfessional · 13/12/2022 11:43

I've also seen it where a couple with children split, and then the dad wants a replacement "mum" for his custody time because god forbid he have to do the washing/cooking/entertaining.

DesertIslandCondiment · 13/12/2022 11:44

Been together nearly 20 years.

With my now Husband.

whatayear22 · 13/12/2022 11:45

It's none of your business. Judge and be judged!

You've no idea what goes on behind closed doors. I know some people have emotionally and mentally left their marriages before they could physically. Of course, they then moved on fast.

Loachworks · 13/12/2022 11:49

DH's ex may have thought I was the rebound. They were a couple for eight years. We got together two months after they split.
There was no crossover and DH would say he knew she wasn't who he wanted to be with forever, marry and have children with but they'd become comfortable and he felt guilty splitting up with her even though they wanted different things in life.
We have now been married almost thirty years and have three DC. DH would say you know when it's right.

KILM · 13/12/2022 11:49

A lot of the time it isnt - fine one week, breakup the next.

Its a lot of cumulative small-seeming problems that build up
Or a lot of requests for change that get ignored until you reach your final straw
Or you fall out of love and try to get yourself to fall back in love but fail

You often hear of men being 'blindsided' by their wives leaving them, but on closer inspection the wife had been unhappy for years, had communicated this but the man just didnt think it was bad 'enough'

When in actual fact, the only reason you need to leave a relationship is that you just dont want to be in it any more.

And if you've felt that way for a long time and probably given the other person ample chance to change and they have not, then its easy to see why.

Dogsinthecradle · 13/12/2022 11:49

DashboardConfessional · 13/12/2022 11:43

I've also seen it where a couple with children split, and then the dad wants a replacement "mum" for his custody time because god forbid he have to do the washing/cooking/entertaining.

That seems to be my neighbour
him and his ex moved in next door,with two kids each
they had another between them and then broke up
within a week he’d moved another woman and her dog in and she seems to do the school runs,takes them out etc

my son seems to do this too
he broke up with his ex just before Christmas (she finished him) last year-and by the new year,he had another girlfriend-he’d moved her in with him by the start of March

I think some people just can’t bear to be single

IamnotSethRogan · 13/12/2022 11:56

Sometimes a relationship is long dead before someone actually pulls the trigger and people have been lacking in real intimacy for a while so it's not shocking that they move on to what may appear quickly to the outside world.

Snoken · 13/12/2022 12:05

I ended my marriage of 22 years earlier this year, and I moved on almost instantly. Not in the sense of meeting someone else, but in the sense that I was over the relationship. I was over the relationship for at least a year before I made the move, and had contemplated in for years. I was fully prepared to leave, so I coulnd't wait to move on with my life. I don't see the point of having a period of not moving on to be honsest, life is too short to hold back just so that others don't start speculating and gossiping.

Mystery2345 · 13/12/2022 12:07

It's true - some people genuinely cannot be single even for a few months. Horses for courses!

closingscore · 13/12/2022 12:07

Oh yes - one guy I know was on dating apps within days of them announcing the end of their marriage (it was her that ended it not him) and is now living with the first woman he went on a date with.

Another is all over fb with his new woman (again only weeks after his wife ended things) claiming she's the love of his life and making plans to live together. It's as if they can't bear to be alone.

What cracks me up is both these men were dumped by their wives for being arseholes in one way or another, yet suddenly they're the perfect man. I guess one woman's junk is another woman's treasure 😂

SunsetsInVenice · 13/12/2022 12:09

I know someone like this. It was her third marriage which ended. Was crying for 3 months and then almost 3 months to the day met a new guy who she said immediately that she wished she had met at 16. Still seem happy now but they don't live together due to distance and are older so have lots of disposable income and don't have the stress of young kids.
It is depressing how quickly people move on, everyone is replaceable so they say. I find this with friends and family too. Very quick to get over not having me in their lives and they don't feel sad about it.
I try and think of myself more often these days.

Woahtherehoney · 13/12/2022 12:10

Yep! My ex of 5 years dumped me by text in October and had a new girlfriend in December. It was very quick but I think he’d checked out of our relationship months before we split so to him wasn’t quick I guess!

Woahtherehoney · 13/12/2022 12:10

Woahtherehoney · 13/12/2022 12:10

Yep! My ex of 5 years dumped me by text in October and had a new girlfriend in December. It was very quick but I think he’d checked out of our relationship months before we split so to him wasn’t quick I guess!

This wasn’t this year by the way it was a few years ago!

somanybooks · 13/12/2022 12:19

closingscore · 13/12/2022 12:07

Oh yes - one guy I know was on dating apps within days of them announcing the end of their marriage (it was her that ended it not him) and is now living with the first woman he went on a date with.

Another is all over fb with his new woman (again only weeks after his wife ended things) claiming she's the love of his life and making plans to live together. It's as if they can't bear to be alone.

What cracks me up is both these men were dumped by their wives for being arseholes in one way or another, yet suddenly they're the perfect man. I guess one woman's junk is another woman's treasure 😂

This was my ex 😆 Onto online dating within two days with a photo from our wedding with me cropped out. Best of luck to his partner. They got engaged after a only few months, had a child within a year, but are apparently still not actually married 16 years later.

An aquaintance's wife died completely unexpectedly. Six months later he was engaged to someone else. That seemed way too fast. Both have young children as well.

Sartre · 13/12/2022 12:21

Usually because they were fucking them before they ended the relationship. Look at Helen Skelton’s husband, left her earlier this year when their baby was a few months old and he’s already got the new girlfriend pregnant. Brutal.

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