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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people move on so quickly sometimes

69 replies

Baobuns · 13/12/2022 11:34

Seen it a few times lately where people have ended relationships of several years and then 2 months later in a relationship with someone else.
I know some people do that to help move on from the previous person... but in a lot of cases it was them who ended it.
It's like people just can't be single even for a few months.

OP posts:

OrchardBlack · 13/12/2022 22:27

My ExH and I separated in August this year. He's moved someone new into the house already. He has 4 kids as well. It breaks me, and seeing all the comments about it probably having been there as an overlap makes me feel so stupid.
Then again, he is a pathetic man child who can't be single and needed to find another poor sap of a woman like me to raise his children.

I don't get it OP. He recently said he's moved on. I said it's not a race or a competition and I'm taking the time to come to terms with the end of our marriage. That took the wind out of his sails.

lljkk · 13/12/2022 22:31

What a release to get out of a crap relationship, that has probably been dead for years, and embrace new opportunity. Good for them.

MsFannySqueers · 13/12/2022 22:48

I think if no children are involved people are free to do as they please. It’s an unpopular opinion but if children are involved it’s a different matter. As a teacher I witnessed first hand the adverse effects on children when their parents had a constant stream of different partners. I had an abusive ExH. I left when my DS was two years old. I was happy putting my son’s needs first. This is not to dismiss the fact that at times I was lonely and wished for companionship and affection. I was on my own for 15 years. My choice entirely. I then met my now lovely DH which I didn’t expect to happen and we are very happy.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/12/2022 13:21

HollyHobbie12 · 13/12/2022 22:22

@AcrossthePond55 You are right. Being single is never seen as a positive. My sister who is nearly 40 and single always gets pitied on but it can be great in many ways and I find it sadder if someone has to be with someone simply because they can't stand to be alone. What a vulnerable position to put yourself in.

I find it sadder if someone has to be with someone simply because they can't stand to be alone.

So so true! I've seen any number of people in unhappy or even abusive relationships who'd rather sit in misery with someone than leave and be happy. And if you ask them why they plainly say "I don't want to be (or can't be) alone!!". They don't seem to realize that you can be more 'alone' with the wrong person than you can ever be on your own.

I'm happily married to a lovely man (30+ years) but if I were to lose him, I'd never marry again, nor cohabit.

Soproudoflionesses · 14/12/2022 13:22

Lkydfju · 13/12/2022 11:39

Sometimes though you’ve mentally left a relationship months or even years before you actually leave; I’ve been in that situation where I moved on quickly but actually the relationship had been dead for months but neither of us addressed it

This was me. Everyone on the outside was so shocked we split but we had been leading separate lives a long time beforehand

123woop · 14/12/2022 13:30

Yes I've been a bit concerned actually about a few of my friends who've done this - been in very serious, intense relationships and then moved on very quickly. I worry a bit that they're being taken advantage of, but also that they're not spending time on their own to come to terms with the breakup etc

Laurdo · 14/12/2022 13:31

My DP and I got together 4 months after he left a 12 year relationship. There was no overlap. He left her after she assaulted him in front of their toddler. He'd mentally checked out of the relationship ages before.

At the time when we got together, neither of us were specifically looking for a relationship but we fell for each other and decided to make a go of it.

I think it's a bit judgemental to assume there was probably an overlap. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Just let people do what they want if it's not affecting you directly.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 14/12/2022 13:40

I have on friend who's always been uncomfortable with being single. She had about 5 boyfriends between 21 and 35 (married the last one!) with no more than a fortnight of singledom between each. It wouldn't be for me. I always luxuriated in those post-relationship periods!

It's only when there are kids involved that I'd think 'can you not just be single for a year!'. The worst category of 'people who move on so quickly' though are those men who decide that their wife and kids are a bit boring so they fancy a new partner and a shiny new baby and stroll off with little more than a backwards glance at their first family. They're the absolute pits and cause so much emotional damage.

Getoff · 14/12/2022 14:54

It's like people just can't be single even for a few months.

Why is it important to be single "for a few months." If being single is good, surely you should be single for longer? If not, maybe for less?

Zippedydoo123 · 14/12/2022 15:01

Some people are not strong enough to cope alone.

NoNoKimono · 14/12/2022 15:12

I always used to be astonished at these overlap or 'move on quickly' people. But now I think that I am perhaps too neat & tidy about such things. I think many people are much messier with it. Perhaps this is why I'm usually single and I could learn from them.
Some people I know who come across as respectable marrieds were complete bloody overlappers!

AreOttersJustWetCats · 14/12/2022 15:51

Getoff · 14/12/2022 14:54

It's like people just can't be single even for a few months.

Why is it important to be single "for a few months." If being single is good, surely you should be single for longer? If not, maybe for less?

It think the OP views being single as the penance that these people should be compelled to do, to atone for the sin of ending a relationship that wasn't working for them.

TheChinkOfaGlass · 14/12/2022 16:02

My Sister had terminal cancer and passed away, her husband got rid of all of her clothes and belongings after about 1 month. Nothing was offered to us for sentimental purposes. He then got in a relationship with my sisters close friend about 3 months after her passing away.

Along with my sisters clothes, he also "got rid" of their 2 year old daughter to my mother. He had no interest in becoming a single father. All very sad and frustrating but not much we could do.

AmITooTired · 14/12/2022 16:08

Honestly, I’m just amazed how and why people are in such a hurry to be in a relationship!

You’d think, specially after just coming out of relationship, you’d just want to enjoy your freedom, peace and harmony for few months (years)!
I know we’re all different but to me that is priceless.

DesertIslandCondiment · 14/12/2022 16:26

If you like someone better than your ex who you have split up with why would you put off being with someone you really liked just to prove you can be single to other people.

LlynTegid · 14/12/2022 16:28

I'm more concerned at those who remain in an unpleasant and/or coercive relationship (or worse) because they do not feel they can be single. Though the point made by the OP is fair enough.

Almostwelsh · 14/12/2022 16:47

Lucky them. Must be nice to have the option.

NoNoKimono · 14/12/2022 16:55

DesertIslandCondiment · 14/12/2022 16:26

If you like someone better than your ex who you have split up with why would you put off being with someone you really liked just to prove you can be single to other people.

This is the mindset I'm trying to learn from. I got far too comfortable with solitude in my childhood, and I think I'd benefit from taking 'the middle way' a bit more. I contemplate too much when I could be out there having funzies (just flirting).

Coyoacan · 14/12/2022 18:40

Some people are like Tarzan swinging through the jungle. They won't let go of one liana until they have a firm grip on another

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