Emetophobic but desperately want a baby

[patriciathestripperr]

Hi all,

I desperately want a baby but I suffer from extreme emetophobia (phobia of vomiting). I am also suffering with fertility issues.

I've had the absolute worst year of my life due to my fertility issues and I didn't even think I'd be in the position today where trying naturally is actually an option. It's now or never for natural conception - it might work, it might not. Since my diagnosis I have been mentally at rock bottom, the thought that I might not be able to have a baby has destroyed me. I can't explain how much of a dark place I have been in so for me to potentially have a chance at natural conception is incredible.

However...
I suffer with extreme emetophobia which has controlled every aspect of my life. I'm disgusted with myself for even falling back into the emetophobias grasp when a few weeks ago id have risked it all to get pregnant. But I'm back panicking about being bloody sick during pregnancy. (If pregnancy is still even possible!!) I have seen a psychiatrist for the phobia for many years but unfortunately it hasn't been successful.

I want a baby so bad, my fertility issues have about killed me yet I get a potential second chance and I'm back to panicking about being sick and talking myself back out of it!!!

Please can someone help me in any way? I'm just so fed up of being this way with the phobia.

I’d suggest seeing a Clinical Psychologist who should be able to treat your phobia. Given the state of NHS mental health services (thank you Tories), you will probably have to pay privately for this, although from what you say, it will be worth it to you.

I think the only thing you can do is to be prepared ahead of time. Get plenty of Zofran wafers to deal with any nausea , and perhaps see another psych who might be able to help. I hope you are successful in getting pregnant !

@AnnieSnap

Unfortunately I have seen multiple clinical psychologists and they just don't understand. I've had circumstances where I've even had to explain what emetophobia is and even one laughing about it!!

My current psychiatrist is very good but he is very much focused on exposure therapy only without getting to the root of the problem so it's just treating symptoms rather than the cause.

I will see if i can find some recommendations online but unfortunately time isn't on my side fertility wise for me to wait.

Thank you though 🙂

Most women I know didn't actually vomit during pregnancy. Nausea yes, but vomiting not so much. Of course its luck of the draw but I was desperate to throw up to get some temporary relief from the nausea but it never happened.

Plenty of women don't even feel sick at all, some friends of mine sailed through. Apparently it's more likely if your mother or sister had sickness during pregnancy. My mum was really nauseous and my sister too but neither were sick. So I thought it was likely that I'd be the same as them and I was. You could hedge your bets by asking.

Sorry, no practical advice but I think you'd regret not trying. I had fertility issues too. Unexplained, before falling pregnant naturally when I thought it would never happen.

My sister was prescribed cyclizine (pretty sure that's the name) for nausea in her second pregnancy and it worked a treat. And also for me when I had norovirus!

@Mamai90

I do have to agree with you - I hear more of women with no vomiting too but it's just the thought of me being 'trapped' and literally having no way of predicting if it will happen or not.

My mum didn't suffer from any sickness - mild nausea now and again I think but no actual vomiting.

I know I'll regret not trying - I just wish I could turn off my brain ☹️

Thank you

@Mamai90

I have some cyclizine in the cupboard somewhere!!! This is comforting! Thank you xx

Could it be your brains way of coping with the fact you may not be able to conceive? 'Oh well I couldn't be pregnant anyway in case I was sick'
In which case, carry on trying and prove yourself wrong. I wasn't sick at all in my second pregnancy and birth so it isn't a given . And I know exactly what made me sick in my first pregnancy so I avoided them in my second!

Oh love, i really feel for you!

Trigger warning: extreme sickness discussion, please feel free not to read!

Coming from the otherside of the coin I'm pregnant with my second and have sufferer with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (severe morning sickness) in both pregnancies.

Its horrible but it is manageable using medication! I had a horrific experience with my first but it didnt put me off having another! I wouldn't say I have a fear of vomiting, but it does make me anxious and i do cry every time i throw up 😳

If you are scared of being sick I would really recommend you start taking vitamin b6 before you ttc, as this really helped alleviate symptoms with my 2nd.

i would also reccommend anti-emetics, and the earlier you start the better! Between thr 2 pregnancies I've taken a mixture of:

stematil
Ondastron
Cyclizine
Metoclopramide

My spelling is atrocious and I've definitely spelt most of those wrong, sorry!

With my 1st i was bed ridden for 7 months and still hospitalised for dehydration 17 times! It was genuinely the hardest time of my life, and i reached rock bottom several times.

however, the joy my little one has brought lead to us having a second regardless of how horrible it was to bring him into the world!

With my 2nd my symptoms have been much more manageable as i knew what to expect and didn't let myself get fobbed off by the drs! Early medication has definitely made a huge difference!

My experience is also really rare, and every other one of my friends who have had babies have had little to no sickness.

I'm happy to answer any questions you might have! And I'm so sorry if this post is distressing for you xxx

@Sleepyquest

Unfortunately not :( I've had this phobia for almost 30 years 😭 I'm now more thinking what if this phobia is here to protect me because I won't actually be able to conceive..

I so want to prove to myself that if I do get pregnant, I can do this and I can show myself that I can beat this phobia. It's just so unbelievably difficult. And I feel so so so unreasonable even still feeling like this when I know the true pain and heartbreak of infertility!

Are you scared of just being sick yourself or of vomit generally? Because, if the latter, babies and toddlers vomit all the time. How would you cope with that? Either way, you have my complete sympathy. What a terrible condition and more so for it interfering in your desire for a baby.

I’m on pregnancy no. 2 and no nausea or vomiting for me and nothing for my three friends who are also currently pregnant. Appreciate this is only anecdotal but I think there is a good chance you won’t be affected. Your condition sounds very difficult and I’m struggling to comprehend what it must be like to live with that fear. However, I would attempt to take it one day at a time and squash any thoughts of “what if” as the sickness may not happen and it sounds as though this will be something you will hugely regret if you don’t go for it.

I feel for you. I have the same condition. During both my pregnancies i wore travel bands the whole time . Ginger biscuits before getting up and cut down on caffeine.
strangely enough baby vomit didn't bother me but when they got older is another story

I'm emetaphobic, like you I was terrified of the morning sickness. Mine only lasted from week 5 to week 8 & I was only actually sick 3 times. My tips are eat little & often, I nibbled dry biscuits, plain boiled pasta or rice with soy sauce, the times I was sick I had fancied something for a meal, wolfed it down & 20 minutes later was stuck on the toilet with my head in a bucket, I had the runs as well. On week 9 it was like a switch had been flipped, I felt great & could eat what I wanted. Not everyone is sick & if you are the doctor can prescribe things to stop it.

There are clinical psychologists who specialise in this. I am surprised and sorry you've had such a bad experience previously. EMDR may help you

I know a few mums with this. One who has it severely but has 2 children I don’t know how she’s done it but she’s never been sick!

My emetophobia hasn't gone away, I trained ds from being tiny to look after himself if he is sick, I have only had to clear up after him once in 18 years, I ended up covering it in shaving foam so I couldn't see or smell it before I could cope with cleaning it up. 1001 carpet freshener foam is your best friend, it gets rid of smells or use bicarb & hoover well after a few hours.

I'm so sorry, this sounds really difficult and stressful.
I have a phobia of blood tests, I know these don't take as much time but during pregnancies I struggled with blood tests, vaccinations, I almost fainted a few times. For me there's no other option than to get on with it (even without pregnancy for all the vaccinations in my life), so I guess that helps.
In terms of your phobia statistics are your hope. 1/3 women have no symptoms. For the rest majority don't vomit and their nausea finishes at the end of first trimester. I was in that situation. It started at 6 weeks, finished around 14, I vomited couple of times but it was quick because of smells that triggered it. And I didn't need it but there are medicines you can ask your doctor to prescribe.
Another idea is can you take time off work? For me I was usually fine laying down, so if I didn't have to work, it'd be much better.

in your situation you should start anti emetics early as a preventative rather than waiting for sickness to occur. I had to switch a few times but have suffered in all pregnancies, it was hard but in my subsequent pregnancies I took the drugs early on and it did nip things in the bud.

www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk

I would advise to go on this website before you get pregnant and research everything in terms of the drugs available. This way you will feel you have some control over things. I definitely do not advise waiting for the sickness to start, I don’t have your condition but I can’t cope with sickness it makes me depressed so it was important I had things under control the next time it happened. This was the sole reason I left a very long gap between my first and second as I think I had some form of ptsd after my sickness experience first time. I’m sorry I’m not going to say it might not happen because I think it’s wiser for you to think the worse and be ready for it rather than be unprepared.

So would you say your emet is more a problem with YOU being sick? You'll be able to handle your child being sick? Because my emet is more other people vomiting around me. I'm hardly sick but when I am I cope with it, I usually know why. I seriously panic when other people are sick around me. Luckily it's only happened a few times and I've never caught anything but I panic for about 3 days in case I've caught Noro or Covid etc. If your emet if only you, there's so many methods and help you can use to prevent sickness, but I think having the child seems the hardest part which is why I won't be having children.

This must be horrible to contend with.
have you also considered how you would be able to parent a child while suffering this phobia even if you did void pregnancy sickness? Children get ill and you would have to be there for them and deal with them if they get sick, which they inevitably will.

Have you seen a hypnotherapist for this? It can be very effective for emetophobia and other phobias. It’ll get to the root of the problem.

I'm emetophobic and had a baby 6 days ago. For me the pain of infertility trumped the fear of vomiting.
The absolute joy and peace this baby has brought me now she is here is totally worth the fear. I'm severely emetophobic but honestly I'd be sick every day for 9 months to have her. 7 years of infertility hell is over and I'm beyond grateful.
Go for it, deal with it as you go along x

Sorry you are struggling OP, I have had two pregnancies, I felt nauseous, but I was never sick.

What is your fear with the vomiting, the feeling, smell? What do you think will happen? Is it a phobia just related to you? Can you cope if others are sick? Your partner etc or if you see a baby bring up up milk etc. how would you cope with that?

I know how the feeling of desire is when you want a baby, it’s overwhelming and all consuming. I am sure most mums would agree that pregnancy, labour, is totally worth it, and you draw strength from an unknown place inside of you, to hold your baby in your arms.

I wish you well OP, you have gone down the psychological route without success, have you tried hypnosis? May be worth a try, if not. Fear shouldn’t hold you back from living. Good luck.

I’ve had four pregnancies and two babies. Never once sick or even felt sick. Chances are you’ll be fine OP.