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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Emetophobic but desperately want a baby

69 replies

patriciathestripperr · 12/12/2022 01:09

Hi all,

I desperately want a baby but I suffer from extreme emetophobia (phobia of vomiting). I am also suffering with fertility issues.

I've had the absolute worst year of my life due to my fertility issues and I didn't even think I'd be in the position today where trying naturally is actually an option. It's now or never for natural conception - it might work, it might not. Since my diagnosis I have been mentally at rock bottom, the thought that I might not be able to have a baby has destroyed me. I can't explain how much of a dark place I have been in so for me to potentially have a chance at natural conception is incredible.

However...
I suffer with extreme emetophobia which has controlled every aspect of my life. I'm disgusted with myself for even falling back into the emetophobias grasp when a few weeks ago id have risked it all to get pregnant. But I'm back panicking about being bloody sick during pregnancy. (If pregnancy is still even possible!!) I have seen a psychiatrist for the phobia for many years but unfortunately it hasn't been successful.

I want a baby so bad, my fertility issues have about killed me yet I get a potential second chance and I'm back to panicking about being sick and talking myself back out of it!!!

Please can someone help me in any way? I'm just so fed up of being this way with the phobia.

OP posts:
Purplechicken207 · 12/12/2022 08:22

I get very sick during pregnancy, vomiting multiple times a day for well over half the pregnancy babcy with each of mine (not HG though), but I don't personally know anyone who suffered as much. Most are fine or just feel nauseous for a month or two.
Also....babies and toddlers are sick a lot. One of mine was a happy spitter and was sick after feeds (usually on me) for the first few months.
Not to put you off, but you need to be prepared for the possibility

mumda · 12/12/2022 08:57

You need to consider baby sick too.

felulageller · 12/12/2022 08:58

I've had 5 pregnancies and never vomited.

I think it's overplayed in the media.

Just have a ginger snap biscuit every morning and you'll likely be fine.

TiAmoTiAmo · 12/12/2022 09:02

Would you be able to cope with seeing your baby vomit?

BergamotandLime · 12/12/2022 09:10

Hello! I'm a fellow emetophobe and had the same fears as you.

My DD is now 9. I didn't even feel sick during pregnancy. My bigger fear was her being sick/getting bugs etc. She ended up vv poorly many times as a baby/toddler due to some chronic health issues and my anxiety sky rocketed. I eventually got EMDR and now although I wouldn't say I'm totally cured I'm 90% of the way there. She had her first bug since I got the EMDR a couple of months ago and I was as cool and calm as anything. I still do what I can to avoid them but in all the 9 years she's been here, she's only ever had 2-3 vomiting bugs, and the joy far, car outweighs the vomiting.

Go for it. You won't regret trying, but you will regret not trying.

Friarclose · 12/12/2022 09:12

Do you have a partner? Would they be willing to takeover if your child was sick? I have emet but I also have a great dh who completely handles it when one of the dc are unwell, it means I don't worry so much about it happening.

RedHelenB · 12/12/2022 09:15

If you threw up virtually every day what would happen with your phobia. I hate being sick, will do what I can to avoid it but my first trimester sickness felt a bit different to tummy bug sickness. And it was classic 1st trimester, all cleared up after that.

RudsyFarmer · 12/12/2022 09:18

I agree with a PP that’s it’s not necessarily about pregnancy sickness. I have two children and have had to cope with projectile vomit in double figures and the clean up of that. How will you cope with any children being ill?

Itsabitnotcold · 12/12/2022 09:21

I was only sick twice, not two days, just twice. Once at 7dpo and once at the end of 1st trimester. That's it.
Carry digestives and water everywhere. Even to bed. If you wake in the night nibble a bit of biscuit and have a sip, don't eat huge meal, but eat little bits all the time. Hunger and fullness are the the enemy. Keep sipping your water. Tell yourself it's not going to happen to you and stop thinking about it as best you can. Every time you think about it move your mind to something else, like your baby shopping list.

You'll be fine. You WILL get through it.

DisappearingGirl · 12/12/2022 09:22

Hi OP, I was always really scared of being sick, but never knew the phobia had a name until I was on MN!

I was lucky not to really have morning sickness, but I was scared of having to deal with kids being sick. However baby sick isn't really sick, it's just hiccupping up some milk virtually unchanged. And I was worried about the kids getting sickness bugs, but when they have, I found it was fine as I was so focussed on making sure they were okay that it took my mind off it (and I hardly ever caught their bugs). Also the kids often weren't that bothered themselves, which helped! So in my experience - sickness episodes have been rare, and I think they have desensitised me a bit. I guess severe morning sickness is a different issue, but I think having it badly is fairly rare, and treatments are a lot better than they used to be. Good luck OP

CaramelizedNuts · 12/12/2022 09:23

Helloumi · 12/12/2022 02:34

So would you say your emet is more a problem with YOU being sick? You'll be able to handle your child being sick? Because my emet is more other people vomiting around me. I'm hardly sick but when I am I cope with it, I usually know why. I seriously panic when other people are sick around me. Luckily it's only happened a few times and I've never caught anything but I panic for about 3 days in case I've caught Noro or Covid etc. If your emet if only you, there's so many methods and help you can use to prevent sickness, but I think having the child seems the hardest part which is why I won't be having children.

This !
I'm similar and parenting with emetophobia is very challenging.

SpinningFloppa · 12/12/2022 09:25

I’ve been pregnant 4 times and have never once vomited whilst pregnant, not everyone gets morning sickness. Saying that my kids get vomit bugs so that’s something to think about

MassiveSalad22 · 12/12/2022 09:25

You just have to do it, if you get the chance it sounds like it would be such a brilliant thing to be pregnant. You just have to deal with what you get. Women go through so much for their kids and this is one of those things. I have had 3 pregnancies and barely felt nauseous and was never sick.

ttcnumber2x · 12/12/2022 09:26

I was only sick 3 times in my pregnancy.

If you got hyperemesis gravidarum they would likely give you anti sickness. My partners sister didn't even have hyperemesis gravidarum just was sick more regularly and they gave her anti sickness too

Eixample · 12/12/2022 09:27

I’ve never been sick in pregnancy but my second child threw up a lot as a baby, the record was 16 times in an hour. Later he once woke me up in the night by being sick on my face. Also they bring all the gastrointestinal viruses home from school, and since having norovirus I’m still throwing up from the damage it did nine months later. Pre-kids I never caught anything. I would consider that aspect too.

CatMad22 · 12/12/2022 09:37

I have emetophobia and I'm 18 weeks pregnant - haven't been sick or felt sick. I find that I can help my husband if he's sick because I love him so much and I'm sure that'll be the case with my baby too. As scared as you are, your body takes over. As an emetophobe, you are already on high alert so we naturally reduce the possibility of being sick anyway. Don't let this rule your life and stop you being a mum - the way to fight the condition is to just do it anyway. I know how you feel, trust me, I still can't think of anything worse than being sick but there's nothing I can do to change that (therapy also didn't work for me).

EverybodyAgrees · 12/12/2022 09:45

I was emetephobic from childhood and assumed I wouldn't get sick in pregnancy because no women in my family did. I was, of course, the odd one out. What I can say is that my horror of vomiting has been much better since I went through it. I learned I could survive it and that I would be ok. It was so absolutely worth it - so much I did it again for a second baby.

Wereeaglesdare · 12/12/2022 09:48

I have hyperemisis and have vomited every day in my last pregnancy and this one is looking the same way there are tablets which make it more manageable. However I believe it follows how your mother was in most circumstances mine had awful nausea and vomiting but could keep fluids down. I have had the more extreme kind were I have been hospitalised. Truthfully you don't get a chance to think about vomiting because it just happens if it happens. But many people around me never vomited a day in their pregnancy. Lots of people find eating little and often helps and will quite often keep dry biscuits by their bed. I think if your mum was OK you should be OK it is mostly genetic I believe.

NoAlexa · 12/12/2022 09:48

I dont mean to be rude or uncaring,but what is your plan for when your child would be sick? Is that something you would be able to deal with?

Do you know the source of your phobia?

Eyesopenwideawake · 12/12/2022 09:49

ReedRite · 12/12/2022 02:52

Have you seen a hypnotherapist for this? It can be very effective for emetophobia and other phobias. It’ll get to the root of the problem.

What she said!

Beseen22 · 12/12/2022 10:05

I've had 2 pregnancies and a miscarriage at end of 1st trimester and never felt sick in any of those and never was sick at all. Hoping it's the same for you.

shazshaz · 12/12/2022 10:09

Have you tried hypnotherapy? It worked wonders for me. Im not cured but it no longer rules my life and I survived 2 pregnancies and various stomach bugs with it. My 2 children had reflux so that exposure dulled my worry about being around someone throwing up. I work with children and don't worry about being exposed to all the bugs going round. None of this would have been possible for me if I hadn't had hypnotherapy.

Original poster
patriciathestripperr · 12/12/2022 10:09

I'm so overwhelmed with all of these responses! Thank you.

In terms of when the child has sick bugs - yes I don't know what I will do. My husband is extremely supportive and has said he will cope with all of that but I also understand that isn't practical in every situation. I have always planned on just taking that as it comes and hopefully I'll mentally be in a better place when it happens. If I can get pregnant in the first place I'm just hoping it will give me the confidence to deal with this.

I am scared of vomiting myself. I can deal with baby sick no problem. It's solely the prospect of me catching a sickness bug that does me. As a child I personally wasn't a sicky child - I haven't actually been sick since childhood.

I know I'm going to regret not trying, especially since my huge fertility wake up call.

OP posts:
Original poster
patriciathestripperr · 12/12/2022 10:10

I tried hypnotherapy when I was a child - it didn't work but I was very young so I suspect that was a huge factor. I'm open to trying anything to get rid of this phobia...

OP posts:
AnnieSnap · 12/12/2022 10:10

@patriciathestripperr I’m surprised to hear that about Clin Psychs you have seen. Are you sure they were Psychologists? Some people have an NHS referral and think they have seen a Psychologist, but on checking, I find they have actually seen a Community Psychiatric Nurse. Any Clin Psych should definitely have expertise in treating emetophobia and would not laugh at you.