To ask if you agree with this: 'You must always look your best for your man'

[whatfreshhellisthis4]

I'm intrigued to know what Mumsnetters think of this one!

My best friend and I ended up having a chat with her brothers girlfriend who we don't know all that well and got to talking about relationships. We both mentioned that we have been together so long with our partners and know each other so well that they see us in all kinds of states, and if it's just us and our partner in the home (no kids yet) we are generally in practical comfy clothes, no makeup and looking like a shit half the time 😅 obviously if we go out or have guests etc we wouldn't do it.

She was genuinely horrified and her view was that you needed to look your best for your man at all times and he should never see you looking like that. Almost like if you don't they'll cheat on you or have wondering eyes.

Am I in the wrong to think this is ridiculous? I'm genuinely wondering which side of the spectrum people fall on here - are my friends and I lazy and not making any effort or is she being extremely shallow and talking out of her arse?

Does he always look his best for her too? I remember a few years ago reading Tess Daly saying the same thing. That didn’t turn out too well.

Did you not make any effort when you first got with a partner.
Don't really agree with the ops friend, but agree it's nice to make the effort occasionally (both partners) and to just generally look after yourself, keeping healthy and in shape, nice clothes, hair in general for me.

I made (much!) more effort when I was in my twenties and single, largely because I was socialising a lot though. I wanted to look attractive, and part of that was certainly in order to attract a potential partner. But I think there's a difference between wanting to dress in a way that makes you feel attractive, and dressing for the benefit of a partner.

Of course it's good to look after yourself, have nice clothes and look nice. But I do that for mysef, not for my husband. I wouldn't stop doing those things if he weren't there!

Sounds like advice from the 1950s to comb your hair and have your husband's slippers ready when he comes home from work.

I hear you and agree. My ex was always going on about me staying slim, glamorous etc while he drank and got overweight. My previous boyfriend would ‘have a go’ (passive aggressively) if I met him not wearing lipstick because otherwise I looked ‘tired’. Booted both of them.

Full makeup etc 24/7 is unnecessary. A general expectation of clean clothes, hygiene etc, perfectly reasonable. If I decided to not brush my teeth all weekend or wear the same pair of pyjamas for weeks, I think it would be entirely reasonable for DH to consider living in a different house!

I've admittedly not been too well recently, but I laid with DH in bed last night, wearing his PJ's, greasy hair, he looked at me with so much love in his eyes , stroked the side of my face, and said "you look like shit" 😂
I'll take that.

That didn't come up but I do have another friend who has never farted in front of her husband. They've been together 15 years, married 5 and have two kids.. yet she still hasn't!

This is definitely me! And I think this is totally different from not being in shape, working out, eating well and taking are of yourself as my friend and I both do all these things. It's more that we are comfortable to be somewhat trampier when chilling out in our own homes!

🤣🤣🤣

I'd like to think nobody does that! That was not what I was implying at all, just to be clear as a few posts have said this now 🤣

Me and my friend have good hygiene, a gym membership, professional jobs and don't look like rat goblins when we aren't in our comfy bubbles at home!

Of course. Why wouldn't you want to look your womanly best for your man?
I hope any children are also quiet, well mannered and presentable.
Also, give your man regular massages after his hard working day while he tells you about his day.

I'd be wondering what your bro says to her

I don't think looking my best involves a full face of makeup and my hair styled. I think I look my best natural and happy.

I don't feel happy if I'm dressed sloppily.

Even if I wasn't going anywhere I'd likely put a little makeup on, wear clean and neat clothes. I don't ever wear leggings for example unless I'm doing sport.

But that said, it's for me, not for DH who often isn't at home anyway. And he's seen me looking rough many times of course

YANBU.
Obviously you go through the ‘honeymoon’ phase where you always want to look and behave your best which is always a sweet phase. DH wouldn’t do a number 2 in my house, I’d leave the room to fart…
But until you’ve seen (and smelled) the good, the bad and the ugly, it’s not a real relationship in my opinion. I couldn’t take a couple’s relationship very seriously if I knew it they were behaving like your brother’s girlfriend.

How the hell is this a goady post?!

Jeez what is up with people today?!