To ask if you agree with this: 'You must always look your best for your man'

[whatfreshhellisthis4]

I'm intrigued to know what Mumsnetters think of this one!

My best friend and I ended up having a chat with her brothers girlfriend who we don't know all that well and got to talking about relationships. We both mentioned that we have been together so long with our partners and know each other so well that they see us in all kinds of states, and if it's just us and our partner in the home (no kids yet) we are generally in practical comfy clothes, no makeup and looking like a shit half the time 😅 obviously if we go out or have guests etc we wouldn't do it.

She was genuinely horrified and her view was that you needed to look your best for your man at all times and he should never see you looking like that. Almost like if you don't they'll cheat on you or have wondering eyes.

Am I in the wrong to think this is ridiculous? I'm genuinely wondering which side of the spectrum people fall on here - are my friends and I lazy and not making any effort or is she being extremely shallow and talking out of her arse?

Whilst I don't think you should always look your best...

I do think it's important to look your best, at some times, JUST FOR THEM. Not because guests/going out/etc. Just because you want to look good for them.

I expect DH to put effort in for me, so I reciprocate. Occasionally. As I write this I've got my hair scraped back, no makeup, odd socks and my crappy clothes on.

But sometimes, I'll put all that effort in to just sit around at home with him.

We have 2 DC, so he's seen me at my very worst....so it's nice for him to see me at my very best too, and know I've gone to that effort just for him. Not other people.

Thank you for this, my thoughts exactly!

I guess I just wondered when people are in their private homes are they actually a lot more put together than I realise, or are they more like me and my friend!

I've seen far odder posts on here. I'm simply asking a question to see if I'm in the wrong or someone else is.

Goady post

That was never mentioned - just seemed an extremely dated view to me.

Also she DOES have a child from a previous relationship, so how she managed to look her best during all of that is beyond me.

She was genuinely horrified and her view was that you needed to look your best for your man at all times and he should never see you looking like that. Almost like if you don't they'll cheat on you or have wondering eyes.

I'm sorry your shallow friend has commodified herself like this.
Does her rigid thinking extend to BEING her best, or is it purely the surface that concerns her?

I hate the unwritten assumption that women do not look good when they don’t have make up on/wear uncomfortable clothes/shave their bodies/etc etc etc. Women look plenty good enough just as they are.

Men aren’t told to paint a face on their actual face in order to be ‘their best’, so why are women?

The answer is obviously no

This is the vibe I got and it's quite sad to think someone would feel they needed to be like that in their relationship.

I guess I just worried I had got a bit too comfy over the years and the norm was somewhere in the middle. I know her views aren't normal, I guess I just wondered if mine were too far the other way!

What's with all the attitude? I've hardly asked you what your salary is.

Look your best? Funny definition though isn't it? Painting your face so you look different to yourself?

Well, to clarify I am always clean and shower daily, in clean clothes and with clean teeth. Rarely wear makeup or dress up though.

Exactly - seems very superficial to me, I don't think affairs happen because your partner doesn't wear makeup enough!

I always try to make an effort for DH as he does me, especially if we are going out on a date or something

Hell no - this isn't the 1950s.

I do think it's important to look your best, at some times, JUST FOR THEM. Not because guests/going out/etc. Just because you want to look good for them.

I completely disagree. I don't think I have ever done this with any partner. When I try and look my best, I never do it for a particular person, I just dress how I think looks good, according to the occasion.

Don't believe a word!.

Lol. I've been with DH since I was 18, he's seen every stage of me. Not being attractive during labour or when I've been ill or drunk is the least of my concerns. I like to look nice for me but I can't always be bothered to make a big effort.

I'm thinking the same.

Certainly not my friends mother, she would tell her to fuck right off 😂

This is my normal. I guess I was worried I had become very feral 😄 good to know this is what the majority do and she is just nuts!

<looks at self>. Erm, no.

Wtf?!!

My friend’s mum puts a whole face of make up on to go to bed every night so that she looks perfect in the morning when her husband wakes up. They’ve been married for about 55 years and she’s a lovely woman, but I’ll never forget the look on her face when I said I regularly wore the day’s make up to bed and certainly wouldn’t be reapplying at night for my DH!

This woman is NOT my friend. Read the post.

I mean more when just doing nothing at home etc.