To ask if you agree with this: 'You must always look your best for your man'

[whatfreshhellisthis4]

I'm intrigued to know what Mumsnetters think of this one!

My best friend and I ended up having a chat with her brothers girlfriend who we don't know all that well and got to talking about relationships. We both mentioned that we have been together so long with our partners and know each other so well that they see us in all kinds of states, and if it's just us and our partner in the home (no kids yet) we are generally in practical comfy clothes, no makeup and looking like a shit half the time 😅 obviously if we go out or have guests etc we wouldn't do it.

She was genuinely horrified and her view was that you needed to look your best for your man at all times and he should never see you looking like that. Almost like if you don't they'll cheat on you or have wondering eyes.

Am I in the wrong to think this is ridiculous? I'm genuinely wondering which side of the spectrum people fall on here - are my friends and I lazy and not making any effort or is she being extremely shallow and talking out of her arse?

I think the attitude is because you asked if you were wrong to think this way.

And you clearly think she's batshit, so just say that in the post. Less goady. More honest.

Honestly it's impossible. I'd a baby last year by section. There wasn't a hope in hell that I was going to do myself up for my dh after being cut opencast, blocked milk ducts and a baby who fed every 2 hours 🤣 he was also exhausted and I doubt he even knew what I was wearing , let alone cared 🙈

I've no idea what goady even means.

I've never once said I agree with her, I thought my tone implied I thought she was talking out of her arse as I said as much - I simply wanted to know if I was too far the other way or if most people in LTR's were just like me. I've never thought she was right but did wonder if perhaps there is a middle ground that I've fallen way the other way of.

How does that work when you live/wake up together?

Hmm
I am always clean, my hair's usually reasonable - always well coloured. My teeth are well kept and I eat well to keep myself in reasonable shape.

I almost always wear make-uo and do my hair if going out, albeit my make-up takes about two minutes.

My wardrobe doesn't contain track suit bottoms or a hoodie but I wear casual clothes at the weekends when I am not working.

DH has seen me in labour, when I wake up, without sleep for 48 hours, I'll, in pain, grieving, etc, over the last 35 years.

Principally I try to be clean and tidy for me. I suspect if I were a complete slob DH wouldn't have fallen for me. DH is similarly clean and tidy .

Having said all that we are not fashionable or appearance obsessed and having to dress up on holiday would be our 7th circle of hell.

Yeah great in theory, but who has the time or inclination, especially when kids come on the scene

This is why those of us who were bare faced when we met our other halves are at an advantage lol.
But seriously, once your husband has seen you shit yourself in labour no amount of getting up an hour early is going to cancel out that image. Only true love prevails.
Sounds like she goes out with tossers.

Did you not make any effort when you first got with a partner.
Don't really agree with the ops friend, but agree it's nice to make the effort occasionally (both partners) and to just generally look after yourself, keeping healthy and in shape, nice clothes, hair in general for me.

I have noticed (adult son's various girlfriends, my own colleagues and aquaintances) that although women of all nationalities vary, in this respect, Eastern European women tend to lean this way, however independent, and self reliant they are. Obviously this is just anecdotal and within my own experience, not a scientific survey.

One of the biggest regrets I have in life is the amount of dick pandering I did when I was young and foolish. No man is worth that kind of effort, and any man worth having wouldn't expect it from you.

Find a man who thinks you are the sexiest woman alive regardless of what you are wearing and how you look…. She’s batshit - but you know that.

This has got me reflecting on the women I've known through my life who were of the 'always look your best' tribe. Other things they've had in common were (to generalise horribly from a small sample) living in spotless frequently redecorated houses, washing towels/pj's after every use, ironing everything, doing things like giving a child a bath before bed even if they went swimming and had a shower earlier, and replying to emails with terrifying efficiency (a couple had PA type jobs). The main thing that connects them all is very little sense of humour and really dull conversation. Plus an underlying anxiety that made them quite unsettling. I know a few had very overbearing mothers.

None of them ever transitioned to being more chill as far as I know. I've always been interested in this type of personality as it's the antithesis of mine and so fascinates me. My grandmother was like this too, though she did have a great sense of humour.

I've not met any men that are quite in the same zone and I suspect this is the hideous female socialisation at work.

DH has seen two heads coming out of my broth canal whilst I pissed myself so I think the mystery is over in that sense. 😂😂

Birth not broth 😂😂

She will be one of these people who claim they don't fart.
I bet she's never ripped off a massive room emptying stinker in his presence 🤣🤣

No. It has never entered my head. No man worth having would think it either.

I often think this too, OP. Not in the “dressing for a man” sense, but more just general effort when not going anywhere.

When I’m at home and not going anywhere/expecting anyone, I typically look fairly shoddy. Clean clothes but tends to be leggings and a hoodie with comfy shoes. I have naturally greasy hair that I try not to wash everyday so I’d I’m hanging out at home, it’s not freshly washed and usually pulled into a ponytail. I never put on make-up when at home.

If someone wanted to call to my house, I’d prefer 30 mins notice to make myself presentable.

Conversely, I recently had to call to a friend’s door unexpectedly. It was a Saturday morning and she wasn’t going anywhere but was wearing a gorgeous long dress with tights and ankle boots, and had her hair nicely styled, and make-up done. She looked gorgeous.

She’s obviously just a stylish person and looked better on a casual Saturday at home than I look when I actually put in effort.

I think I’d cry if I had to spend my Saturday in tights.

Gosh I want broth now... 😂

My mother and my brother have both told me on separate occasions that they feel sorry for my BIL because he likes the nicer things in life and my sister has let herself go... 🤨

In a ideal world it must be lovely to look nice for ourselves and our partners 24/7 but we are not dolls, we have children to see to,…. Hold on Emily stop whinging you’ve only fallen over and got a little graze, mummies got to put her lipstick on ! If your man doesn’t accept you for what’s in your heart and vice versa he can do one! We are not stepford wives, me I scrub up well when I have to.( my husband tells me this) after 40 years, but 90 % of the time I’m comfy in baggy jumpers etc.as long as I shower daily wash my hair comb it put mascara on that’s it! And…… men do not have affairs cos their partners aren’t glammed up, it’s about them as a person not their partners. I think this lady who thinks you have to make an effort 24/7 has very low self esteem,.

I'm not at that level but I wear make-up every day and will have applied it by 8.30am at the latest. I never wear lounge wear or have PJ days.

That said, I do it for me as I feel slobbish and a bit down if I haven't made an effort. I don't feel 'ready' for the day otherwise.

I noticed that it was almost seen as a negative to always wear make-up and be dressed as a mum to a newborn. Not so much now that my DC is 2.

lolz

he doesn't look his best always for me either

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

My husband has seen me look worse than most of his old 'customers' and he was a funeral director.

I often think my DP has a rough deal - I look pretty good out in the wild but as soon as I get in it is “house clothes” and no makeup. He’s seen me in some nick with illness over the years, so I think not having lipstick on on a Sunday morning is the least of my worries.

The next time you see her, tell her the 1950s called and they want their values back.

Poor cow, if she truly believes that.