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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to HR?

105 replies

Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 09:23

I was off work on Friday. DD had to be collected from school early on Thursday (by DH) due to being ill and we needed to keep her off. In addition, I have also been ill all week and felt rough on Friday, so it was part sick day part family leave.

It wasn't a pleasant day - we are in an area with a high number of Strep A cases and I was worried about DD, ill myself, and logged on to my work email because 1. If I don't work a bit then I would be swamped when I get back- my work doesn't get covered exactly, it just builds up and 2. There is a safeguarding element to my job so missing emails is too risky.

My colleague on my team emailed asking for a meeting with me and a few others. I replied yes, a meeting is a good idea - if you book it in Outlook then you can see all of our calendars.

My line manager then replied to me with everyone else still copied in saying "can you do this please, we are all quite busy here today".

Now I know that I was on my email but I felt asking me to do something for someone else when I am off sick/on family leave was out of order. I replied saying yes I would be happy to when I'm back in - to clarify I am off sick/on family leave today so just checking emails when I can. I feel like the email sounded resentful that I was off work. I am very rarely absent - the last time was summer.

Leave it or speak to HR?

OP posts:
AngelontopoftheTree · 11/12/2022 09:25

Sounds like a non event to me, certainly nothing to go to hr about.

litlealligator · 11/12/2022 09:25

Why would you speak to HR? Your manager probably just forgot, it's pretty unclear what is going on if someone is supposedly off sick but then appears to be online.

girlmom21 · 11/12/2022 09:26

Leave it and stop working when you're off sick.

Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 09:26

I think in addition it has upset me as I am so snowed under with work but understand being busy is part of the role and I don't complain. I feel like me not complaining means people assume I am not busy? I hate the moaning culture in my workplace but maybe I need to join in.

OP posts:
Fleabigg · 11/12/2022 09:26

I would absolutely not go to HR over this. Hope you’re feeling better.

ConnieTucker · 11/12/2022 09:27

You shouldn't have replied, indicating you were working from home. Leave it.

Shoxfordian · 11/12/2022 09:27

Don’t go to HR over a simple request from your boss and don’t log in if you’re off sick 🙄

PearlclutchersInc · 11/12/2022 09:28

Not sure what you think HR will do.

It's not unreasonable for someone to ask you to do something if you're online and therefore potentially at work.

Personally, I feel that if you were taking sick leave you should have been nowhere your laptop. You're either off sick or you're not.

MrsMyfanwy · 11/12/2022 09:28

If you're ill don't check emails. You are giving mixed messages

upfucked · 11/12/2022 09:28

I think if you are on your work emails and sending emails to people it will be difficult to say they shouldn’t reply to your emails.

You need to talk to your LM about what can be put in place to deal with the safeguarding element when you are not there. You could get run over by a bus and be in coma for a month. They need procedures do deal with this.

Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 09:28

He 100% knew I was off sick/ off with DD.

But thank you, I thought I might be over reacting. I won't take it any further.

OP posts:
SirDavidAttenborough · 11/12/2022 09:28

This is a non issue. What exactly would you say to HR? The big scary boss hurt your feelings by asking you to do a task?

toomuchfaster · 11/12/2022 09:30

Don't go to HR. If you were answering emails you manager probably just forgot you were off. You made a pointed reply to confirm you were.
Really rethink the 'I must check emails on my day off (for what ever reason)' attitude. It's obviously confusing people. Read if you must but leave replying until you're back.

NoAlexa · 11/12/2022 09:31

Do not go to HR unless this is the straw that broke your back and you have lots of other evidence (which I would guess you don't or you would have mentioned it?)

Quitelikeit · 11/12/2022 09:31

I would have simply carried out the request

you were actually capable enough to do it even though you were off sick as you’d been in through the week with whatever illness it was that was bothering you.

HR!!!! No way

Balloonsandroses · 11/12/2022 09:32

I think you need to be clear with yourself and your colleagues whether you’re off sick, on family leave or looking after poorly child at home and trying to do some work remotely - sounds as though it all got very blurred and so I don’t think your colleagues were being unreasonable.

If there’s a safeguarding risk to missing emails as you say you also need a much better solution to this than assuming that you’ll be able to keep an eye on them remotely any day you’re off - what if you’d been admitted to hospital or totally unable to check for some other reason?

hope you’re feeling better soon.

JassyRadlett · 11/12/2022 09:32

I would agree, you're overreacting. You need to remember that your boss didn't know the circumstances around you being online - for all they knew you were online because poorly child was sleeping/you were feeling better and so it made sense for you to be able to set up the meeting.

CoorieIn · 11/12/2022 09:33

The question HR will likely ask is what you are expecting of them.

I'm in HR and if someone came to me with that I would automatically ask them about their expectations. Nothing has really happened OP so all HR would do is listen to what you have to say and advise you to speak to your manager directly.

We'd also advise you that if you are off sick you shouldn't be working. Stands to reason you're manager possibly thought you were back in when you started replying to email chains regarding meetings.

Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 09:33

I would want HR to remind the line managers in one of their regular meetings to not ask people to work when they are off sick. But I get what people are saying, I was replying to emails. I would just never do that to the people I line manage- I would say hope DD is alright, feel better soon and leave it.

Also, on reflection, I think it was the tone that pissed me off. We're busy here today - like I'm not busy, or like I've left them in the lurch. Irked me.

OP posts:
HelllBaby · 11/12/2022 09:33

I wouldn't go to HR about it. I understand what you are saying, I would have felt a bit off with a response like that from my manager too. It's like saying we are all busy and you are there with time on your hands because you haven't come to work. But the fact that you'd logged on whilst sick, they may have just assumed you were online for the afternoon now and genuinely asked you to book it because you had time and they never.

Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 09:34

And my boss is neither big nor scary. Just very new to people management.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 11/12/2022 09:34

You were able to log on, so to your manager it was something you could have done at that point. Seems a realistic request.

you blurred the lines by logging on.

thewayround · 11/12/2022 09:34

so it was part sick day part family leave.

It is not clear Op

when you called in to report your absence, what did you actually say and how has it been recorded

Itsthewhitehat · 11/12/2022 09:34

HR is definitely the wrong move. He may have been under the impression that the meeting was meant to be going ahead that day.

Or that because you were actually working, you wouldn’t mind doing it that day. Since you said it’s definitely needed.

If you are unhappy, maybe look at the reasons you are unhappy, because it seems to be driven by you. If your workload is too much. Speak up. It doesn’t need to be a moan. A professional conversation about capacity.

MichelleScarn · 11/12/2022 09:35

I think you need to be clear with yourself and your colleagues whether you’re off sick, on family leave or looking after poorly child at home and trying to do some work remotely - sounds as though it all got very blurred and so I don’t think your colleagues were being unreasonable.

very much this, as will also depend on age of dd and if you need constant supervision of her or she can be left with tv etc while you work.