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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to HR?

105 replies

Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 09:23

I was off work on Friday. DD had to be collected from school early on Thursday (by DH) due to being ill and we needed to keep her off. In addition, I have also been ill all week and felt rough on Friday, so it was part sick day part family leave.

It wasn't a pleasant day - we are in an area with a high number of Strep A cases and I was worried about DD, ill myself, and logged on to my work email because 1. If I don't work a bit then I would be swamped when I get back- my work doesn't get covered exactly, it just builds up and 2. There is a safeguarding element to my job so missing emails is too risky.

My colleague on my team emailed asking for a meeting with me and a few others. I replied yes, a meeting is a good idea - if you book it in Outlook then you can see all of our calendars.

My line manager then replied to me with everyone else still copied in saying "can you do this please, we are all quite busy here today".

Now I know that I was on my email but I felt asking me to do something for someone else when I am off sick/on family leave was out of order. I replied saying yes I would be happy to when I'm back in - to clarify I am off sick/on family leave today so just checking emails when I can. I feel like the email sounded resentful that I was off work. I am very rarely absent - the last time was summer.

Leave it or speak to HR?

OP posts:
thewayround · 11/12/2022 09:52

. I replied yes, a meeting is a good idea - if you book it in Outlook then you can see all of our calendars.

did you seriously say this to a colleague?

thewayround · 11/12/2022 09:54

even the fact that you say your day off was “part sick sick part parental leave” is muddying the water.

you need to be clear with work OP. Clear why you are absent. And then… remain absent during your period of absence

YellowTreeHouse · 11/12/2022 09:55

If you are off work you shouldn’t be checking work emails, it’s that simple.

FTY765 · 11/12/2022 09:56

I don't think it's unreasonable for them to think you were working if you were answering emails.

Could you suggest you and colleagues have an automatic Out of office reply set up in case you are out of office unexpectedly? EG, email not constantly monitored, if no response within x amount of time, please forward to (colleague/manager etc) to save the need to check from home if not available to work.

Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 09:57

thewayround · 11/12/2022 09:45

It speaks volumes about how you engage in the workplace that you would even think of wasting HR’s time and reporting your manager for this

Show quote history

Haha yes I'm a nightmare. No idea why they promoted me.

In all seriousness, as much as people always come across weirdly angry on AIBU, I do appreciate the input as I do feel loads better realising I am being over sensitive (should have realised this, tough time of year and all that, but sometimes you need that outside perspective). So thank you all!

Also, for those who commented on the safeguarding issue - yes you are right and it is getting sorted out, explaining the reason behind the current set up would be long and boring but it is short term.

OP posts:
thewayround · 11/12/2022 09:58

weirdly angry says the Op who was going to report her line manager to HR for this! 😂

HelllBaby · 11/12/2022 10:01

I agree with you that's there's lots of weirdly angry people on MN!! Its a strange old place.

Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 10:02

thewayround · 11/12/2022 09:58

weirdly angry says the Op who was going to report her line manager to HR for this! 😂

Yes I was definitely being over sensitive in this case. But I think being over sensitive about something that is actually happening in your actual life is different isnt it. People often seem to reply to these threads like the OP has personally offended them.

But like I say, I appreciate the responses and feel lots better about the situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 10:03

HelllBaby · 11/12/2022 10:01

I agree with you that's there's lots of weirdly angry people on MN!! Its a strange old place.

It's probably just a bit of catharsis and they are really empathetic and understanding in real life.

OP posts:
Balloonsandroses · 11/12/2022 10:04

@Inasec24 good on you for reading and responding! Hope there aren’t too many more pages of responses telling you how unreasonable you’re being to come…

BigsyMalone · 11/12/2022 10:05

I would read passive aggressive into that tone - your LM clearly doesn't like you. They also think you are being bossy with the outlook calendar comment (some people dont see effeciency as helpful - but rocking the peace/status quo!).

I would be as a LM expecting annual leave/parental leave rather than sick day as sounds like the main reason was a child being unwell? (I hope they are better - scary with strepA).

Just be light and breezy and polite with all emails. Good luck with the new manager ... I sense more posts on MN ensuing ...

PAFMO · 11/12/2022 10:06

Agree with almost everyone about the mixed messages and poor communication.

It started with the half day on leave and half day sick. How would that even work? You'd presumably booked the half day off then thought, hang on, I'm actually sick?

As others have said, if it's the culture of your workplace/nature of your job to have to log in and do some work even when on leave/off sick- then that's another thing- and maybe worthy of taking further in an appropriate way, (because no matter what the job is, you shouldn't be) but- you were off, you logged in and did some work, then were asked to do other things but said "I'm on leave/sick".

Wouldn't have happened if you hadn't logged on. Next time, don't.

Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 10:06

rookiemere · 11/12/2022 09:44

I get the logging in to respond to urgent emails, but essentially echoing what another colleague has said and being slightly condescending about the diary checking feature on Outlook was not an urgent matter.

If I log in on my NWD or unwell, I'd only respond to the on fire stuff. If I read and responded to everything I am - effectively - working.

Yes that is very true - I didn't need to respond to that specific email there and then. Urgent only in future.

OP posts:
Theluggage15 · 11/12/2022 10:07

Why did you feel the need to explain how to book a meeting? All you needed to say was yes, good idea.

Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 10:07

Balloonsandroses · 11/12/2022 10:04

@Inasec24 good on you for reading and responding! Hope there aren’t too many more pages of responses telling you how unreasonable you’re being to come…

Haha thanks, I'm sure there are! But I knew where I was posting! And I'm happy to BU, can stop being annoyed now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 10:12

BigsyMalone · 11/12/2022 10:05

I would read passive aggressive into that tone - your LM clearly doesn't like you. They also think you are being bossy with the outlook calendar comment (some people dont see effeciency as helpful - but rocking the peace/status quo!).

I would be as a LM expecting annual leave/parental leave rather than sick day as sounds like the main reason was a child being unwell? (I hope they are better - scary with strepA).

Just be light and breezy and polite with all emails. Good luck with the new manager ... I sense more posts on MN ensuing ...

Yeah I agree. I actually do genuinely like him as a person and I see his strengths, but also recently there have been a couple of examples where it is clear he is new to managing people. But this isn't about him, we are all learning, it's about me - I see that now. It's been a tough week.

She is loads better now thank you!

OP posts:
Penaltyshootoutfan · 11/12/2022 10:13

I’m glad you’re not going to hr. It would have been so utterly Petty.

they sre not your mum and dad, you don’t go to them to get your boss told off. Like a child running to teacher.

all I can assume is you are so unwell that you are no longer thinking straight, either that or you’re a vindicative little person who resented being asked to do this in front of everyone and were looking for a way to get your own back.

Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 10:15

Theluggage15 · 11/12/2022 10:07

Why did you feel the need to explain how to book a meeting? All you needed to say was yes, good idea.

The honest answer to this is- she keeps saying when can we meet, I suggest a time, nothing happens, rinse and repeat.

So I think, even though I tried to make sure it didn't sound like that, maybe it came across like I was being shitty about it. I will have a chat with her tomorrow to set it all in stone. The meeting is to support her - I don't need the meeting but more than happy to attend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 10:15

Penaltyshootoutfan · 11/12/2022 10:13

I’m glad you’re not going to hr. It would have been so utterly Petty.

they sre not your mum and dad, you don’t go to them to get your boss told off. Like a child running to teacher.

all I can assume is you are so unwell that you are no longer thinking straight, either that or you’re a vindicative little person who resented being asked to do this in front of everyone and were looking for a way to get your own back.

Goodness me I'm a bit over sensitive yes, but a vindictive little person? 😂 wow.

OP posts:
Rainraindontgoaway · 11/12/2022 10:16

Sick leave and emergency leave for occasions such as ill children are completely different. You can’t seem to decide which one we’re were off with so perhaps your boss was not clear neither. Also, you were working and interacting with the team, sounds like you felt you were in the right to ask someone to book the meeting but it’s not ok for you to be asked. I would have just booked the meeting as they probably were busier that normal as you were off. What are you wanting to achieve by going to HR? Get your boss in trouble, humiliate them???

girlmom21 · 11/12/2022 10:16

thewayround · 11/12/2022 09:58

weirdly angry says the Op who was going to report her line manager to HR for this! 😂

You're proving her point by repeatedly coming back to berate her, though, aren't you...

Penaltyshootoutfan · 11/12/2022 10:17

Cmon, you were clearly pissed you were asked, that’s what’s caused this and you’re now giving it how senior you are, about how it’s to support her, you will deem to attend, you were promoted etc

just own it,

panko · 11/12/2022 10:21

Nah you're the one who muddied the waters by logging on. If you were genuinely sick you wouldn't have.

Original poster
Inasec24 · 11/12/2022 10:24

Penaltyshootoutfan · 11/12/2022 10:17

Cmon, you were clearly pissed you were asked, that’s what’s caused this and you’re now giving it how senior you are, about how it’s to support her, you will deem to attend, you were promoted etc

just own it,

Haha yes it did come across like that - just re-read. Its not like that IRL. I'm not senior to her - she's asking for a meeting with a few of us to support in a task she is responsible for basically, and in this case it is totally fair enough, but it is very much her meeting.

OP posts:
gavisconismyfriend · 11/12/2022 10:25

In HR terms you are either off sick or on parental leave, you can’t be a bit of both. Either way if you’re off, you’re off and working whilst off not only confuses everyone but also comes with risks. You may feel you are helping out by checking in when you’re off, but actually it is often the reverse. If you make a mistake whilst you’re working at the same time as being off sick or on parental leave then who is liable for that mistake? What would an investigation throw up if one of those safeguarding issues went wrong? As someone has said, there needs to be a process in place for safeguarding when someone is off, but it sounds like there also needs to be some training for the whole team, including you, regarding the policy for being off and the risks of not following it.