Who should pay?

[sparklydiamond999]

My ex and I share a daughter and although we're no longer together, we still do "family" outings every now and again which our daughter loves. My ex text yesterday to ask if we would like to come to a Christmas event next week, along with some of his extended family so that our daughter can meet some of her cousins she hasn't met yet. I said yes and didn't think anything else of it.

Hours later ex texts again and asks if I've managed to book tickets. I replied with 'no, I thought you were booking them'. He then tells me that he doesn't have the money to pay for the tickets at the moment and asks if I can pay. The tickets are very expensive and I don't want to pay. AIBU to think that since he invited us he should pay? I have no issue covering my own ticket but think he should pay for his and daughters ticket.

I think it’s fair enough to suggest you pay half of your daughter’s ticket, if he can’t afford it, and is up front about it. But his as well? And either without actually asking you? Fuck that!

id just let him know

it looks like you're now not going as im not going to pay, you still owe me money from x event so Im not prepared to loan you further money until that debt is paid up.. I suggest that if we do stuff as a family from now on, we pay for our own tickets and go half on the Childs ticket with money up front for the event, then we both know where we stand

It’s time to cut the cord. He’s still seeing you as his carer.

Tough on DD initially but I expect it’s also quite confusing for her & inevitably you’ll meet new partners.

I would tell him that, yes, he needs to tell his family that neither he nor DD will attend because HE doesn't want to purchase tickets, and that you have declined the invitation for yourself.

I'd also tell him "Please remember that we are no longer a 'family unit', but two individuals who are co-parenting. In future each of us will need to pay our own way 'up front' for joint outings with DD, unless the other party says it is their 'treat'. I also suggest that for these joint outings we either split DD's costs (ticket, food, etc) or that the 'inviting party' is responsible for her costs. Let me know which you prefer ".

I'd err on the side of caution of doing too many family days out. A friend of mine tried to keep things really amicable after her separation for the sake of the children. When Dad met someone else, the joint trips stopped and the children took it really badly and blamed the new lady (even though she was lovely). It was almost like the children didn't see the break between their Mum and Dad separating and Dad moving on. Would definitely make me think carefully if DH and I ever split up.

Back to the original issue though, absolutely I wouldn't be paying - the cheeky sod!

How old is your dd?

I think it's a lively idea in principle, but if he's using you for freebies then that's not a good idea for you, and actually her (when she understands)