Page 3 | Who should pay?

sparklydiamond999 · 2022-12-10T12:58:37+00:00

My ex and I share a daughter and although we're no longer together, we still do "family" outings every now and again which our daughter loves. My ex text yesterday to ask if we would like to come to a Christmas event next week, along with some of his extended family so that our daughter can meet some of her cousins she hasn't met yet. I said yes and didn't think anything else of it. Hours later ex texts again and asks if I've managed to book tickets. I replied with 'no, I thought you were booking them'. He then tells me that he doesn't have the money to pay for the tickets at the moment and asks if I can pay. The tickets are very expensive and I don't want to pay. AIBU to think that since he invited us he should pay? I have no issue covering my own ticket but think he should pay for his and daughters ticket.

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 10/12/2022 13:53

sparklydiamond999 · 10/12/2022 13:44

I've told him I don't want to pay to which he is now saying he'll be telling his family none of us can go.

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That's why you're invited. He's doing it so you'll pay for him!

TheAngryFeminist · 10/12/2022 13:55

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Quarique · 10/12/2022 14:05

Don't let him guilt you into it, neither of you can afford it.

He might as well say 'lets go to Disney Land, of and can you lend me the money'...

Letthesunshineonin · 10/12/2022 14:05

He’s got an absolute cheek.

CarefreeMe · 10/12/2022 14:06

Sounds like the only reason you got an invite was so you could pay for him to go!

Do you usually end up paying for him when you go out as a ‘family’?

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 10/12/2022 14:15

@sparklydiamond999 How is your relationship with the IL? Do you think he'll tell them the truth or spout some nonsense about you not letting your daughter go?

Now I'm a petty bitch. I'd text his parents saying thank you for the invite and it's a lovely idea but unfortunately you can't shell out £75 on tickets for the 3 of you at the moment, particularly because ex still owes you £X that he borrowed and still hasn't paid you back. However, if they want to buy your daughter a ticket and take her with them they're more than welcome.

If they're decent they'll be incensed at him for borrowing money off you and trying to make you pay for him to go on an outing with his own family.

amiold · 10/12/2022 14:16

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 10/12/2022 14:15

@sparklydiamond999 How is your relationship with the IL? Do you think he'll tell them the truth or spout some nonsense about you not letting your daughter go?

Now I'm a petty bitch. I'd text his parents saying thank you for the invite and it's a lovely idea but unfortunately you can't shell out £75 on tickets for the 3 of you at the moment, particularly because ex still owes you £X that he borrowed and still hasn't paid you back. However, if they want to buy your daughter a ticket and take her with them they're more than welcome.

If they're decent they'll be incensed at him for borrowing money off you and trying to make you pay for him to go on an outing with his own family.

Feel like this is causing unnecessary drama 🤷‍♀️

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 10/12/2022 14:20

amiold · 10/12/2022 14:16

Feel like this is causing unnecessary drama 🤷‍♀️

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I said it was petty, but it sounds like this is a pattern with him. He won't listen to OP telling him he's being an arse so maybe his own parents telling him he's a cheeky git will make him think twice before pulling the same stunt again 🤷‍♀️

gogohmm · 10/12/2022 14:21

You pay for yourself, he pays for his and dc - that's fair

DontSpeakLatinInFrontOfTheBooks · 10/12/2022 14:24

Of course he should pay. Why on Earth would he think you a) should pay and b) would pay? Is he usually such a rampant piss taker?

diddl · 10/12/2022 14:25

I've told him I don't want to pay to which he is now saying he'll be telling his family none of us can go.

That's fine surely as not everyone can go to everything.

Wouldn't they suggest that he should pay for himself his daughter if you can't/won't?

How often do you do family things?

I can see that you do them for your daughter.

What's the likelihood of him stopping them quite suddenly if he met someone else?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/12/2022 14:28

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 10/12/2022 14:15

@sparklydiamond999 How is your relationship with the IL? Do you think he'll tell them the truth or spout some nonsense about you not letting your daughter go?

Now I'm a petty bitch. I'd text his parents saying thank you for the invite and it's a lovely idea but unfortunately you can't shell out £75 on tickets for the 3 of you at the moment, particularly because ex still owes you £X that he borrowed and still hasn't paid you back. However, if they want to buy your daughter a ticket and take her with them they're more than welcome.

If they're decent they'll be incensed at him for borrowing money off you and trying to make you pay for him to go on an outing with his own family.

It might cause drama, but it would def stop him from doing it and lying about it in the future if he knows you will contact the ILs.

What a cheek.

skyeisthelimit · 10/12/2022 14:32

Don't let him guilt you into paying, just stand firm that you don't have the money.

BellePeppa · 10/12/2022 14:36

I think you should just cancel it. He is playing you. Call his bluff and tell him fine he can tell his family. It’s not going to scar your daughter so it’s best to nip this type of thing in the bud now.

rookiemere · 10/12/2022 14:38

As DD gets older, it's maybe not the best idea to be playing happy families for her anyway.

He's an ex for a reason and it sounds like he's a bit of a mooching scrounger. £75 is a huge amount of money to find shortly before Christmas so that he can look like a good Dad.

If you want to spend that money take DD out for a really nice time instead.

Original poster

sparklydiamond999 · 10/12/2022 14:40

He knows that I earn well/more than him which I think has led to him to rely on me for money in the past and expects me to pay for stuff. I can afford to buy the tickets but don't want to mostly out of principle. I didn't instigate this outing, he did, so he should pay!

OP posts:

amiold · 10/12/2022 14:41

sparklydiamond999 · 10/12/2022 14:40

He knows that I earn well/more than him which I think has led to him to rely on me for money in the past and expects me to pay for stuff. I can afford to buy the tickets but don't want to mostly out of principle. I didn't instigate this outing, he did, so he should pay!

Do not pay for it. He is using you.

Say he can take daughter but you can't make it and he has to pay.

Does he pay any maintenance

LimeTwists · 10/12/2022 14:43

YANBU. He’s cheeky. You don’t invite someone to something then hand over the responsibility of booking and paying for it all to them!

RethinkingLife · 10/12/2022 14:43

sparklydiamond999 · 10/12/2022 14:40

He knows that I earn well/more than him which I think has led to him to rely on me for money in the past and expects me to pay for stuff. I can afford to buy the tickets but don't want to mostly out of principle. I didn't instigate this outing, he did, so he should pay!

Is he likely to have implied to his own family that he was paying for the outing while being a Disnae rather than Disney Dad?

LimeTwists · 10/12/2022 14:45

Also, he invited you hours before telling you he can’t afford to pay, meaning he never had any intention of paying…

diddl · 10/12/2022 14:50

If the idea is to meet cousins who she hasn't met before then surely there's no need for Op to go anyway?

So it's obviously about the money isn't it?

Even if you could easily afford it it still doesn't mean that you have to.

He'll have to think of something else to do that involves her meeting cousins if that's the point.

ADifferentKindofChristmas · 10/12/2022 14:50

His Cheeky Fuckery actually made me laugh out loud.

What a knob.

CarefreeMe · 10/12/2022 14:53

If he had said - my family are going to X place and I really want to go with DD but have no money and was wondering if you wouldn’t mind paying and you can come too and I’ll pay you back when I can - then it wouldn’t bother me as much.

But he’s spun it round like he’s inviting you out of the goodness of his heart, when actually he’s treating you like a complete mug.

AngelontopoftheTree · 10/12/2022 15:22

I've told him I don't want to pay to which he is now saying he'll be telling his family none of us can go
To which your answer is.... OK, grand so.

Nevermind31 · 10/12/2022 15:27

Had he been open and honest from the beginning, maybe.
but to not say anything, only inviting OP to pay, and a typist assuming that she books the tickets to an outing with his family, that he suggested - he lost that privilege when he became an ex - so no way.
OP - if you continue your family outings please make sure he pays for his tickets/ food/ transport, and half of your daughter’s.
see if he still attends…