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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should pay?

81 replies

sparklydiamond999 · 10/12/2022 12:58

My ex and I share a daughter and although we're no longer together, we still do "family" outings every now and again which our daughter loves. My ex text yesterday to ask if we would like to come to a Christmas event next week, along with some of his extended family so that our daughter can meet some of her cousins she hasn't met yet. I said yes and didn't think anything else of it.

Hours later ex texts again and asks if I've managed to book tickets. I replied with 'no, I thought you were booking them'. He then tells me that he doesn't have the money to pay for the tickets at the moment and asks if I can pay. The tickets are very expensive and I don't want to pay. AIBU to think that since he invited us he should pay? I have no issue covering my own ticket but think he should pay for his and daughters ticket.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklydiamond999 · 10/12/2022 13:28

The tickets are £30 each for and adult and £15 for a child so all our tickets would cost me £75.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklydiamond999 · 10/12/2022 13:28

An adult*

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 10/12/2022 13:32

I wouldn’t pay either.

What have you said to him?

He can explain to the rest of his extended family why he won’t be bringing his daughter to meet her cousins!

Itsabitnotcold · 10/12/2022 13:32

He should pay for all three but at the very least himself and DD. How could he possibly think it fair for you to pay for him a ticket to his family's get together.

Reminds me of when I moved out and ex DH said to me " I think I'll probably manage on just my wage actually so long as you keep paying the bills." Like no sir I earn half what you do, why would I be paying your bills?

amiold · 10/12/2022 13:33

Is he expecting you to pay for his or just you and daughter

BlackFriday · 10/12/2022 13:35

He's expecting g you to pay for HIM?!!
Cheeky fucker!!
No way!

Original poster
sparklydiamond999 · 10/12/2022 13:35

He definitely is expecting me to pay for his ticket as well. He has told me he'll give me the money back for his ticket at a later date, but still actually owes me money that I've lent him in the past, so not keen on that idea!

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 10/12/2022 13:36

Surely if he's inviting you to 'come along' his ticket has already been purchased?

Grimchmas · 10/12/2022 13:36

He's a cheeky fucker.

He should be paying for his and his child's tickets, and you pay for yours. Don't back down.

knittingaddict · 10/12/2022 13:36

sparklydiamond999 · 10/12/2022 13:28

The tickets are £30 each for and adult and £15 for a child so all our tickets would cost me £75.

He wants you to pay for his? No, don't do it.

Perhaps it's time to stop doing joint trips out. Not many separated parents do it and the children are fine and it indicates clear boundaries to them, which is no bad thing.

girlmom21 · 10/12/2022 13:36

Oh cross posted. What a twat!

forrestgreen · 10/12/2022 13:37

I wouldn't bother going myself at that price. Do something yourself with her where you can experience it together.

Text him and say you can't go, she can be ready for x o'clock if he still wants to go.

knittingaddict · 10/12/2022 13:37

If you really want to go then pay for yours, but he should definitely pay for your daughter's and his own.

forrestgreen · 10/12/2022 13:38

And it doesn't sound like he's really interested in this joint parenting as much as getting you to pay for stuff

ImAvingOops · 10/12/2022 13:39

Remind him that he still owes you money. Cheeky fucker!

AngelontopoftheTree · 10/12/2022 13:40

Straight up answer, No.

pictish · 10/12/2022 13:40

He should pay. Just say no, you’re not going to spend £75 on an occasion for him. End of discussion.

Original poster
sparklydiamond999 · 10/12/2022 13:41

If it was up to me, I would probably stop the joint outings, but DD really enjoys being able to do things with both of us sometimes rather than always spending time with us separately. I already feel guilty that her dad and I aren't together so am happy to keep doing the joint outings as long as it makes her happy.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 10/12/2022 13:41

He has told me he'll give me the money back for his ticket at a later date

To which you’ve said…?

This is a pretty cut and dry situation here. You say no, the tickets don’t get booked, he explains to his family he isn’t going.

Original poster
sparklydiamond999 · 10/12/2022 13:44

Shinyandnew1 · 10/12/2022 13:41

He has told me he'll give me the money back for his ticket at a later date

To which you’ve said…?

This is a pretty cut and dry situation here. You say no, the tickets don’t get booked, he explains to his family he isn’t going.

I've told him I don't want to pay to which he is now saying he'll be telling his family none of us can go.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 10/12/2022 13:44

So in a nutshell, he's had an idea for a day out but wants you to stump up the readies for it?

That would be a firm no can do.

Thatiswild · 10/12/2022 13:45

Nah, just say you can’t afford exactly what you’ve said for your reasoning. He wouldn’t have invited you if he could afford to take his daughter, I’d say no, it’s ridiculous esp if you pay for your joint family outings without ever asking him to pay halves. This is awful, what a shame.

Thatiswild · 10/12/2022 13:47

Perfect, he can tell his family none of you are going, that’s his issue. His family can buy his and his daughter’s tickets if they want them there. I’d also remind him he already owes you money he hasn’t paid back and you can’t afford to sub him.

iwasaterribleteen · 10/12/2022 13:47

Tell him you are strapped for cash so he will need to give you the money the money for his ticket first otherwise you can't afford to book them!

dolor · 10/12/2022 13:48

coodawoodashooda · 10/12/2022 13:01

Now you know why you were invited.

100% this. He wants you to fork out for it.

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