To be petrified of death

[mumofthreesmallmen3]

I don't know if this belongs in aibu, I seem to have got a real thing/maybe towards a phobia type of thing about dying, I know I will die at some point but it's becoming a issue, keeping me up at night panicky and taking a lot of my thoughts, I feel like I don't understand ( I do) that everything will be normal one minute then it will change and I'll know nothing more, I won't see anyone again or do anything again when that happens, I obviously do understand this WILL happen but I'm having so much anxiety around it, I'm in 30s so its 'probably' not even soon if nothing happens/illness etc but it's really domineering my thoughts for last couple of months and getting worse, I think ( and hope) when it happens I just won't know anything about it but I find it overwhelming to think everything is gone in that moment, I'll never know anything again, if my brain ceases to work then I'll never have the capacity to know, for example, what my kids upto, it sounds so silly but I just struggling to comprehend it will just be blackness, like under general anaesthesic but don't come back around, I'm not religious really so don't have faith to fall back on or think about, does anyone else think it's crazy and scary that one minute in the future you'll just be no more and you don't know when, I just find it hard to comprehend and wonder if I'm the only one

can you elaborate a bit?

My fear is not actually about me, but my DS who has awful MH issues that only I seem to understand.

Who will advocate for him when I'm gone?
I have visions of him homeless, wrapped in a mucky duvet, sleeping under a bridge, being spat or urinated on.
That's what fucking haunts me.

Me too. I remember Martin Lewis saying when you reach state pension age you have around 20 years left and I thought OMG because 20 years ago was the 2000s and that seems like yesterday.

Not unreasonable to feel fear around the unknowns of death, especially with what your father went through. It's really disorienting to have someone there one moment then gone. That it's keeping you up at night, you may need more support in this.

I'm with those who had a near-death experience and felt peace in that, even in hearing people lie about me as they stood over me, I just lost any care to correct or fight, just calm, kinda amused, soothing really. In my time since, I've had several loved ones with terminal conditions and who've died. Now, my main concern has been in wanting to give what little peace there can be to my family when it comes again - arranging my will, advanced statement and decision, memory boxes and clearing things out so there is less for them to clear, writing a framework for eulogy and obituaries and funeral wishes - I've a list of 'death tasks' I'm working my way through. I also connected more to traditions around remembrance of the dead and life, read more books by those who've worked with the dying and the death and other media like the already mentioned hospice nurse Julie, along with hospice nurse Penny, Ask a Mortician, and seeing more on the human body like the Institute of Human Anatomy.

Get over it we all die, such a stupid Aibu

@nalabae thanks for your insightful contribution.

Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed...

How utterly lacking in empathy and imagination.

Can you elaborate more on this book?
I’ve watched a few YouTube videos but my understanding isn’t great. in simple terms?

Seek God

I think the vastness of life actually makes me feel so much more relaxed about things in a way that's very hard to explain. Kind of like... we are so tiny and insignificant in the grand scheme of things that in the end nothing really matters. And somehow that gives me great comfort. I know what you mean about it making you teary. It's the enormity of it all. And the nothingness at the same time.

OP, we have eye witness accounts from the gospels, and St Paul’s testimony after interviewing St Peter, that Jesus returned from the dead to reassure us that we would all be offered eternal life.
The process of dying may be scary, but the destination is the loving arms of God, reunited with all our lost loved ones.
As a Christian, I look forward to that awe inspiring moment, not with fear, but with hope. How wonderful to be freed from the shackles of time and space, to no longer grow old or weary - to exist in harmony with God in an endless moment of joy.
Would it help to compare it with birth? The fetus is perhaps stressed and scared by the process of labour, and fearful at leaving its small known world of the womb- but what an amazing life awaits outside, full of space and opportunity and the love of its parent.

Op apart from cbt stoicism helped me, most big bookshops have mini anthologies on the general jist of it. Or libraries will have loads in philosophy or self help. There’s lots of thought techniques in there that helped me and I think cbt itself was rooted in stoicism.

I feel as a Christian we go on to a better place. Often if we are very ill ,then death may come as a welcome friend. We cast off the pain and simply move on .going forward to a new life ,or simply resting. We were not aware of a previous state before birth my lovely friend died recently and I feel very sad .she is now at peace though.you are very young still,so hopefully a long time left for you .I try and live each day or a few days ahead and try not to think too much past that

How do you entirely disregard the possibility of going to hell though? You can't possibly know you've lived your life up to heaven standards.

Laluz7 if we truly repent our sin then we will be forgiven . God loves us as maybe many parents love an errant child and will forgive. I personally feel that maybe purgatory for a while if people won't repent .waiting to be forgiven.rather than a he'll for all eternity kind of thing

My pleasure 😀

When I turned 40 I had this sudden panic that I was half way through my life, and it was horrible.

It eased up a bit but then my sister died suddenly this year age 43 and it hit me again. She never knew she was actually dying, the cancer took her within a matter of days of its discovery but she told my mum she was scared and that upsets me. People talk about a peace at the end, but she didnt have that experience.

Hi OP I haven't had time to RTFT so forgive me if it's already been said but the fear of death preoccupied me too for a while, foremost among other anxieties however I was reminded by someone close to me just how natural it is, how Normal & Natural it is to die, just as much as birth and just as common. Focusing on this simple thought helped me massively.

As a society we don't like to confront it at all which does not help in the slightest as it is so prevalent.

Even in language we use euphemisms & cliché, none of this is helpful when it happens to someone we love, or if we were to be diagnosed with a terminal illness. IME people in the midst of a terminal diagnosis often can't stand these euphemisms. To this day I refuse to say "passed" or "pass away": they DIED. It's a reality, as certain as the day you were born and just as Natural.

So sorry to hear about your sister *@MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel