I'm so sad, my heart is breaking for my children

[Sundawn0]

He has stopped seeing them. We split a few years ago and Co parenting worked well despite the distance. Now he has met someone and has a new baby he doesn't see the children anymore. They are missing him and one of them pines for him most days.

I have been telling them he is busy with work ect but how long can I keep that up! I feel as though I've let my children down massively. If I would have tried harder and kept us together then my children would not be in this situation. They are such kind, loving kids and I feel so guilty. I have always just wanted the best for them and never seen this coming. Their father has changed into a completely different person.

Have I damaged my children? I'm worried about the affects this may have on them. I can't stop crying and I feel heartbroken for them.

You say 'despite the distance' . How far, and who moved?

Voted YABU because its HIM who is the failure here, not you. What a prick...

It depends on the child. My 7 year old DD was very capable of holding her dad to account on the phone.

My God. Devastating cruelty from your ex. To be able to switch off entirely from your own child and play at being daddy to his new kids. Despicable cunt.

Please contact him in writing recorded delivery and email and keep a paper trail - this is 100% of him. He needs to pay csa regardless and I would paste any letter on here to make it less emotion - good luck

I wonder if you could suggest to the kids that they write to him - not being directive about what they wrote or drew, just let them do what they want.

It might make them feel better to get it down on paper

That’s just shit, not a monster. Being a crap dad isn’t monsterous, it’s just pathetic and crap which is why I asked if there was anything else going on?

my oh ex went from fairly ok co parent to utter fucking witch when she realised he was in a new relationship.

and also in my experience we all say “oh he’ll be the one who regrets it” men often don’t. My own dad didn’t care that we never saw him. His second wife made things really hard, so he went with what’s easiest and is more of a gp to her kids offspring than his own.

If the bastard doesn’t pay child support, then make sure as hell he does. You can’t control his emotions towards his kids but you can control him through his pocket.
He doesn’t want to see his kids? Fine. But he has to financially support them.
This might sound cold and calculated but that’s the only thing you can do now.

I agree, too young to take that kind of potentially hurtful rejection

its shit at any time, but if they are better able to process and articulate their feelings it’ll be easier to help them get through this

It may be that with a new baby and his new partner its very full on and he is just not seeing the kids for a while, until things get calmer at home.

Would it be possible for you to take them to him for a few days

Never lie to your children. Never slag off their parent. Don’t cry in front of your children.

Im really sorry, this is desperately hard for them and you, and so unjust/unkind. All I çan suggest is that you don’t waste time analysing the rights and wrongs, just focus your energies on being the best parent to them. Work out your sadness and anger in your own time and in your own way - talking to someone, raging to someone, running, whatever. Good luck

Stop lying
Stop crying
Get therapy

He is missing out not you not dc
Have a lovely quiet christmas you and dc
You cannot change his behaviour by crying
Lying does not help your dc say # i dont know # now let s watch a disney movie together

This is a out to happen to my 2 children at the end of Feb.

New baby arriving and he's using their bedroom at his house as a nursery starught away so they can no longer stay overnight. He says he'll move house but not to rented but wants to buy but won't buy now and also won't discuss what type of contact he'll have with the kids.

The eldest is autistic and has ADHD and he's not processed all of this yet and is going to spiral when he finds out the relatity of a new sibling. I'm dreading it.

I will not be sugar coating his wrong doings and I will just answer I don't know or he's not told me to any questions.

@Sundawn0 , I've voted that you're being unreasonable not because you're some sort of bad person but because you're blaming yourself. None of this is on you. It's on him. I don't know what ended your marriage but even if you had slept with countless men and he divorced you because of it, it would still be on him because this is about HIS children.

You've said if you'd tried harder ... did he? Even if you'd tried as hard as is humanly possible the marriage would probably still have ended and he'd have shown what a pathetic man he is. Let your children know gently, bit by bit. I'm so sorry for you and for them, but they have you and your love and that will keep them safe and happy. It will hurt them but you'll be there to help them through it. Your ex, btw, is a grade A fucking arsehole.

You are being unreasonable with yourself. You can't make someone stay who doesn't want to stay, and you can't make a deadbeat suddenly care.

From where I am I'd say it's time to stop lying about him and tell the kids about as much truth as they can handle.

As in you don't know why he hasn't been around and doesn't want to see them. Anytime they want to call and talk to him let them. But stop making excuses, it only prolongs the pain and gives them false hope. I was younger than them when I realize my bio dad was absolute trash, and it made it easier as I grew up.