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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So fed up of the expense of being single :-(

68 replies

liloandtitch · 08/12/2022 22:14

This is just a massive whinge, rather than a question, so I know I am unreasonable really! But- ISN’T it rubbish that being single is so bloody expensive?!

I’m on a comfortable salary, ballpark £45,000, I have a doctoral degree and am mid career, but I still have to be so frugal! My home is very modest, yet my mortgage, council tax (even with discount) and essential bills gobble up almost half of my monthly income. I drive an old banger, wear basic clothes and rarely get my hair or nails of eyebrows done (they all currently look crap).

My coupled-up friends and colleagues on the same salary or lower, have lifestyles so, so much nicer! Even the ones with children somehow seem to have much more disposable income than me.

I do realise I am stating the bloody obvious here that two incomes are better than one, this is ‘no shit sherlock’ territory, but I am just feeling a tad fed up of being at something like the 80th centile wage-wise but considerably and noticeably worse off than everyone else in my social circle. It’s actually hitting my self esteem a bit, even though I am a successful person, I just feel a bit rubbish in comparison.

I’m not really asking anything, just hoping for some validation 😅

OP posts:
Pelo2022 · 08/12/2022 22:15

Yep. It's like the whole gas and electric thing, i get that it's worrying for everyone
People seem to think you're entitled to benefits but if you're single with no DC and on min wage then no you're not
I take home between £1300-1500 a month and it's so tight

RandomMess · 08/12/2022 22:18

Time to get a lodger?

Seriously it will help towards bills.

Yep it sucks being single financially

Flowers
Imissmybabygirl · 08/12/2022 22:20

But you don't need to share assets with anyone should something happen.

Original poster
liloandtitch · 08/12/2022 22:21

I live in a small one-down, two-up terraced house, one parking space outside, I really don’t have enough space for a lodger, but thanks for the suggestion :-)

OP posts:
Onegingerhead · 08/12/2022 22:22

YANBU
i m on a bit less than you , 40K (have a PhD as well) and I used to be able to have a comfortable lifestyle on my single wage. Met my DH about 10 years ago but I don’t think I could manage ok-ish on the single income now . Mortgage, bills, cost of living etc..

Original poster
liloandtitch · 08/12/2022 22:22

Imissmybabygirl · 08/12/2022 22:20

But you don't need to share assets with anyone should something happen.

I guess. What sort of something are you thinking of?

OP posts:
Nyedilemma · 08/12/2022 22:25

Yes! I have been shocked at the way things are more expensive since I was widowed. I am "fortunate" in that I get a small widow's pension, but my household income is considerably less than when it was both of us and yet I pay more tax and my household costs are much the same.

Then everything you do for one costs more than half of doing it for two. No 241 meals, days out, no one to share a cab with, no discounted rail travel and don't get me started on single supplements for holidays.

userxx · 08/12/2022 22:28

Imissmybabygirl · 08/12/2022 22:20

But you don't need to share assets with anyone should something happen.

It's her house, she doesn't need to share jack shit.

NotToBeOrToBe · 08/12/2022 22:31

Yep, I earn well, single mum to an adult child still living at home. When I was with the ex we were able to save and live a very nice life style.

Not so much now.

surlycurly · 08/12/2022 22:33

Also single and living off a similar wage. I'm also paying for one to go to uni and my teenage son, who is still at school. It was just about manageable before but now it's impossible. I have a second job because I can't manage to do it all any other way.

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/12/2022 22:35

Yes, I was explaining to my neighbour the other day that I spend twice as much as she does. She wouldn't have it, based on the fact I have a 25% discount on council tax. What's that, around £50 pm?

Original poster
liloandtitch · 08/12/2022 22:38

surlycurly · 08/12/2022 22:33

Also single and living off a similar wage. I'm also paying for one to go to uni and my teenage son, who is still at school. It was just about manageable before but now it's impossible. I have a second job because I can't manage to do it all any other way.

This sounds really tough. I’m sure your children really appreciate what you do for them (and if not now, will do in hindsight) x

OP posts:
Original poster
liloandtitch · 08/12/2022 22:40

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/12/2022 22:35

Yes, I was explaining to my neighbour the other day that I spend twice as much as she does. She wouldn't have it, based on the fact I have a 25% discount on council tax. What's that, around £50 pm?

So annoying. And why the hell isn’t it a 50% discount?!

OP posts:
milkysmum · 08/12/2022 22:44

I hear you. I'm a single parent. I work full time, I earn £40,000, it's a good wage but it just doesn't stretch far anymore. I've just condensed my full time time hours into 4 days so I can pick up an extra shift per week to try and make ends meet ( I'm a community nurse ).

largeprintagathachristie · 08/12/2022 22:59

“Get a lodger” was the advice people gave to me, and I see it’s on this thread, too.

Err, I had just barely scraped together the deposit and passed income checks for a 95% mortgage for a one bedroom flat, what with my single income and all. No help from family available.

People in couples often discount the financial benefits of couple-dom. In the “how I got on the housing ladder-type threads” I really notice the number of posters who say “we”. It makes a difference. Also with inheritances. As a single person of a single mother who lives solely on a state pension, I will be getting nothing. Add in a partner and it’s more likely that something might come to you (obviously in sad circumstances).

I live with a partner now and though we keep our finances separate, there is clearly a financial benefit in living together.

surreygirl1987 · 08/12/2022 23:00

Yep you are absolutely right. Basically single people pay a 'single tax'. Everything works out better with two incomes because you are able to share costs.

That said, once people have kids, that scuppers it all up anyway. I was okay-off when I was single, felt brilliantly well-off when I met my husband, and now we have 2 young kids, childcare eats all our money so I'm poorer than ever. So YANBU but childcare costs are even worse than single tax. It all sucks basically.

herbaltea21 · 08/12/2022 23:04

I absolutely hear you OP!
I'm a single mum with 2 children.
The cost of life is just so overwhelming and not having any support or anyone to split the bill os so tough.
Even things like going out for tea, or my birthday where I don't get treated but have to pay for us 3 instead 🙈
I love my little life with my two boys but it's so expensive!!!

giggly · 08/12/2022 23:06

Yup another nurse on 40k, single parent to two work overtime one night a week and a few hours every weekend to keep up our standard of living. If I didn’t get CM I’d be up to my eyeballs in debt.
Cant wait for our backdated wage increase as that will cover this winter’s increase in fuel
payments.
I do not consider myself poor but with two degrees and post graduate specialties I was expecting to have a nicer quality of life than I do. But on the plus side I dont have an arse of a dh anymore

Original poster
liloandtitch · 08/12/2022 23:07

I have great respect for single parents, if I’m struggling with just myself to look after, I can only imagine how tricky you must be finding it x

OP posts:
Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink · 08/12/2022 23:15

my mortgage, council tax (even with discount) and essential bills gobble up almost half of my monthly income.

You have over half your income free to spend on things you choose?

what if you flipped your thinking round to a top comparing yourself to people and focus on how plentiful your budget is?

123woop · 08/12/2022 23:16

I have a lot of sympathy but be careful what you wish for! One of my housemates from uni went back and did another degree so "graduated" much later than the rest of us. Whilst we were all married or partnered up, she was on her own and was baffled that we were able to buy houses etc! I had to explain to her that saving £10,000 each was a lot easier than saving £20,000 in total for a deposit 🤣
She scraped through and managed to buy a flat in our old uni town but now has a boyfriend who does NOTHING! Contributes nada to the "household" yet drains all her financial resources.

ILOVECHEESE79 · 08/12/2022 23:18

I really don't have much empathy or sympathy, as solo parent on less than half that income.

Original poster
liloandtitch · 08/12/2022 23:30

Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink · 08/12/2022 23:15

my mortgage, council tax (even with discount) and essential bills gobble up almost half of my monthly income.

You have over half your income free to spend on things you choose?

what if you flipped your thinking round to a top comparing yourself to people and focus on how plentiful your budget is?

Well yes, but out of the half I have left (after mortgage council tax and essential bills) I still have to buy food and groceries, petrol, TV license, union membership, professional body membership, contact lenses, dental insurance, pet insurance, home insurance, car insurance, gifts for family and friends (all of whom seem to be getting married and having children at the moment) so it’s not all going on fun stuff for me!

But I do take your point about taking a glass-half-full approach and being glad of what we have.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 08/12/2022 23:34

Not being able to buy in bulk and save on some groceries as you can't use that much.

aurynne · 08/12/2022 23:34

Yes, everything is so much more expensive, but I get over that by enjoying how much nicer it is to have a whole bed to myself, a whole house to myself, cook and eat whatever I want whenever I want, bring friends home without having to ask permission, and not having to put up with anyone else's neurosis.

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