So fed up of the expense of being single :-(

[liloandtitch]

This is just a massive whinge, rather than a question, so I know I am unreasonable really! But- ISN’T it rubbish that being single is so bloody expensive?!

I’m on a comfortable salary, ballpark £45,000, I have a doctoral degree and am mid career, but I still have to be so frugal! My home is very modest, yet my mortgage, council tax (even with discount) and essential bills gobble up almost half of my monthly income. I drive an old banger, wear basic clothes and rarely get my hair or nails of eyebrows done (they all currently look crap).

My coupled-up friends and colleagues on the same salary or lower, have lifestyles so, so much nicer! Even the ones with children somehow seem to have much more disposable income than me.

I do realise I am stating the bloody obvious here that two incomes are better than one, this is ‘no shit sherlock’ territory, but I am just feeling a tad fed up of being at something like the 80th centile wage-wise but considerably and noticeably worse off than everyone else in my social circle. It’s actually hitting my self esteem a bit, even though I am a successful person, I just feel a bit rubbish in comparison.

I’m not really asking anything, just hoping for some validation 😅

I’m not complaining that I am poor. I am clearly not, and I did say that I consider myself to have a decent income.

What I am moaning about is how much more expensive life is for single people (mainly due to housing costs and associated bills, but also generally missing out on 2-4-1 deals in all areas of life) and the disproportionate impact it has on lifestyle, compared to couples on the same sort of wage. This is true for any income bracket.

Council tax is 50% based on the property including the land, and 50% 2 adult occupants, hence the 25% discount.

It is shit, absolutely, but most of our expenses are twice as much as when I was single. We have one gas bill to heat the house and one fuel standing charge plus one mortgage payment, but we use twice the water/power for showers, dishwasher and charging devices/laptops, do 2 x the laundry, eat twice the food, spend separately to get to work (one car, one season ticket - if DH lived alone he'd have no car insurance, MOT, service or petrol costs), have two life assurance policies, two mobile bills, two family lots of birthdays/Christmas presents and so on. We have separate bank accounts and a fair chunk goes on what it would if I lived alone. I'm nowhere near having half my salary left.

It does of course depend where you live. I could live on half our household income in the NE where my teacher friend pays £400pcm on her mortgage.

I can't say it's a particular issue for me but maybe I just don't notice any more as I've pretty much always been single. I earn around £30k and live in an expensive city (not London) and I manage fine. It does annoy me that the council tax discount isn't 50% though!

YABU.

our joint income is £45000. With that we have to pay everything you do, plus food clothes for extra person, extra bills ans more electricity etc and everything for our kids.

I’d be laughing with £45k to myself.

of course a couple with two salaries of £45k would be way better off than you, but it’s not that there is a tax on single people.

It's odd but I find life without a man much less expensive.

I was paying half but he ate far more, used far more hot water, more of everything. Always wanted to push it that extra mile.

Now I eat much healthier, drink far less, feel much better and my finances are healthier 😊

I think that mentioning my salary was a mistake.

it sounds like I’m complaining that I’m poorly paid, but that’s not my point.

Imagine if you were to separate from your partner and had to live on your wage alone. You would still be doing the same job, have the same friends, but you would have to pay all the housing and bills yourself from half the income. Your standard of living would drop dramatically compared to what you have been used to so far and the lives of your coupled up friends.

Like I say, this is all kind of obvious, but it just feels a bit shit, so I’m having a moan.

This is good to hear! I guess it does depend on how much of a spender the other half is! Glad your singledom has plenty of positives 😃

Single mum 2 children, I have a decent job similar salary but I live in London, it’s starting to become more obvious to me that my lifestyle is starting to fall behind my friends and family. I’m stuck property wise, I feel the tension of keeping a job so acutely. I don’t have another salary to help should anything happen to my job. I can’t save.

that all said I’ve been cutting back in savvy ways, making clothes last longer buying my kids clothes on vinted and charity shops. I meal plan and don’t splurge on anything “treaty” and I forgo make up etc to make what I have last longer. It’s not a nice feeling. All I can say is my children are a joy and so long as they have what they need then I don’t mind going without the “luxuries” I might be able to enjoy if I had a duel income. A holiday would be nice but maybe something to save up for over a few years maybe when I can see a gap in the constant fountain of money I feel like I’m throwing at bills etc.

When I read all the LTB posts it’s makes me
laugh as how can anyone do that at the moment. It’s almost impossible unless you are loaded. Mortgages ar around 6%, bills costing ridiculous amounts. Like you say, you are fortunate to earn what you do and it’s just about manageable. I don’t know how a mum with 2 kids who works part time is going to be able to leave her shit marriage. It’s just grin and bear it time at the moment.

Well yes, but out of the half I have left (after mortgage council tax and essential bills) I still have to buy food and groceries, petrol, TV license, union membership, professional body membership, contact lenses, dental insurance, pet insurance, home insurance, car insurance, gifts for family and friends (all of whom seem to be getting married and having children at the moment) so it’s not all going on fun stuff for me!

Okay… I would count a reasonable amount of groceries and petrol for commuting, car and home insurance and contacts/glasses as essential expenses. Anything you have a choice about are lifestyle choices. So it’s maybe not quite as rosy as you’d painted initially, but still, you have plenty!

I think your moan is getting a bit muddled… I’m not sure it’s really about your income or how expensive everything is or the comparison game… is it that there’s some shortage consciousness or scarcity mentality underneath it all? You have plenty, so what’s stopping you feel like you have plenty? That’s something worth getting curious about.

@SeenAndNot but OP will only be getting 1 x personal tax allowance on her salary whereas assuming you both earn more than 12.5k, you get 2.

I agree with you OP - you pay more proportionally for council tax, food is more expensive in smaller quantities, and you get 1 tax free allowance. The biggest bills - mortgage /rent, gas, and electricity are likely to be similar whether its one or two people using them. I completely sympathise.

I'm in a couple but I'm the first to admit I'm much better off financially with DP. I know I'd struggle on my own

Sorry by essential bills I meant water, gas, electricity, phone, internet.

I guess you’re right about food etc being essential too, I just budget for shopping separately.

I do agree it’s a bit muddled, but I think it’s mainly the comparison thing.

I know it’s not healthy to compare, but if you’re a teacher and all the other teachers in the staffroom are driving nice cars, living in spacious houses and splashing out on Christmas treats like parties, the Panto and festive trips to the Zoo, it can get you down after a while that you don’t live the same life despite working just as hard.

It feels as though being on your own should be half as expensive as being in a couple so you’d get the same standard of living, but life isn’t like that unfortunately.

I get it. The council tax really pisses me off. I’m on £35k and there’s not a huge amount left after bills. Even the gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I know it’s always supposed to be better to give than receive but it gets really expensive when children in my family and my friends kids have birthdays and “we just buy for the kids” so I get sweet FA back. Sometimes I feel like a bank. I can afford everything at the moment but I can’t really afford to save for bigger house items like new windows which desperately need replacing, or a new boiler which I’m hoping survives the winter.

I get it OP and I don't think you're muddled at all.

OP do you live in an expensive part of the country? On that wage I would love quite comfortably.

I'm married with a teen and the cost of kids is eye watering. I'm dreading her going to university, if she does.

DH is expensive! He eats so much more than me and likes luxury coffee brands that I wouldn't be bothered with.

Your seemingly wealthier friends could be relying on family money or building up debt or not paying off their mortgage or not paying as much into their pensions. You never know.

I found out that my most glamorous friend buys all her clothes from charity shops and vinted and eBay. She always looks amazing and her outfits cost about a fiver.

*love = live obviously

I understand, tho have no housing costs, council tax should be 50%, I doubt councils could afford it.
unfortunately due to unknown eye issues, 3D, can no longer drive nor am able to work due to recently diagnosed Parkinson’s.
life is more expensive being single, tho the crap two can live as cheaply as one, more food, more laundry and more transport costs, doesn’t add up?!

I found the same when I bought my first home on my own. Every month most of my salary was gone before the month had even really started.

It is expensive OP, and that's before you go on holiday.

Read some of the threads about bad relationships of which there are plenty of on MN, and you'll end up feeling in some ways the fortunate one.

That's not entirely true, a couple with a joint income of £45k (or even £55k) will pay much less tax than a single person with an income of £45k

You aren't wrong but for some there's an element of lifestyle choice too - my exh was moaning he has less money now, yes he pays me some maintenance but he earns a lot, more than being discussed here, the problem is he spends so much on food, seems to have the heating on all the time, eats out/pub loads, etc. He can't work out how he used to support us all on that same income and we were well off (I work pt because of my DD's disabilities, it was 1/5 of his income)

When DCs were small my salary had to feed clothe and house 5 people (DH was SAHP). Things were tight. I was envious of my childless colleagues with equally earning partners. They went on luxury holidays I could only dream of. They had nice houses and talked about buying new furniture.

Now I am much older and further on in my career. Perhaps my mindset has changed through the years of frugal living. Over time I learned to enjoy the things I could have rather than the things I couldnt.

The luxury holidays and new furniture no longer appeal.

But having children is a choice.

Being a solo adult is the default situation.

But what about single parents who have childcare costs? I have yet to meet a couple who have separated, but the man pays towards childcare.

Similar here OP. I am a single parent and earn a good professional salary but I have to be very careful with money. I live in a v small terrace and drive an old small car. I am surrounded by married friends and colleagues who have very nice lifestyles. It is a bit frustrating sometimes to constantly have to carefully budget.