AIBU to rearrange midwife appointment?

[Tiredallofthetime]

Unfortunately, I’ve had to have more time off than anticipated this year. I am pregnant (8 weeks) and was due to see my midwife for the booking in appointment next week. We are supposed to give a form to our managers to sign for planned absence, and this must be done no later than two weeks in advance. Unfortunately I wasn’t in on Monday so have missed the ‘deadline’ as it were.

So quick question - I don’t remember covering anything vital in the first one, although it was during covid and so over the phone. The main concern is delaying the midwife appointment could delay my 12 week scan - does anyone know if this is the case? Sorry for shameless abuse of AIBU.

By law you do not have to have your appts on your day off. You are entitled up to half a day paid leave for all antenatal appts, regardless of how many. All you have to do is provide proof of appt. If they give ypu a y issues over it document everything in case ypu need future proof of discrimination

This is what is driving me crazy - you keep taking about making requests, arguing your position, somebody making a decision about whether you can go or not. But you've been repeatedly advised on this thread that none of that is necessary. You just inform them and go.

What do you genuinely think they're going to do? Lock the door and not let you out?! They're your employer, they don't own you.

I get some employers are awkward and unsupportive but that doesn't mean you prioritise them over your health. And the more you do the more they'll take liberties. On that, it might be worth considering a job change post mat leave, because they'll be days when nursery will ring because the baby has a temperature and you and your partner will have to take turns at being the one who drops everything at work to go and collect them early. How do you think that will be received by your employer?

Aside from your legal right to appts, I don’t think delaying will affect your scan. I had my 12 week scan (at 13+5) first and booking appt at 15 weeks due to lack of midwives available.

If they say anything can you say you got the letter late due to postal strikes?

@Clouds3898 if it’s driving you crazy, then step away. Seriously. If there is one thing I cannot understand it is someone getting worked up and annoyed over someone on the internet not responding in the way they deem acceptable.

But in this case, it is not even needed as what you have stated above is not right. I am not ‘arguing my case’ so much as explaining the context. I know what they will say to me, and I would prefer to keep things amicable if I can (this may not be possible) as they are already unimpressed I’ve been unwell.

Technically, can they fire me for having a midwife appointment? No. Can they make my life miserable, nitpicking, micromanaging, being awkward? Yes, they absolutely can. So it is in my interests to try to cooperate. In this case, it seems I’m simply going to have to go to this appointment which is fine - at the risk of sounding overly defensive, I really was only asking!

I already have a toddler aged son, which is in part what has contributed to higher than usual rates of absence.

@Zen8 - they already know I know. I told them verbally last week, and was going to give the paperwork in on Monday but did not. The paperwork is absolutely necessary. Without the paperwork on the correct colour of paper given in at the right time permission will NOT be granted.

(That is what is says!)

As someone who turned out to be significantly more pregnant than I realised it was an absolute nightmare with and the NHS was in better shape then. I wouldn't risk it personally but could you contact the midwifery team and see if they would do a phone appointment instead seeing as it's early days.

The thing is you are going to have lots of appointments coming up so this issue could keep coming up again and again.

Good luck. The reality of a feckless employee is hard.

Yes ywbvu
If anything happened to you they would replace you without a second thought. They can't breach the law that entitles you to going to your antenatal appointments
If in doubt call ACAS

Are you part of a union by any chance?
Do work know you're pregnant already?

I completely get how fearful you are about the consequences of asking for a few hours off. I accepted a promotion and one month later found out I was pregnant. I was terrified to tell my head (teacher) and waiting until 15 weeks to do so. She was a delight and pointed out that we do not live to work.

It is likely that all of your appointments will be on the same day with thr midwife as they usually only work at a GP surgery for one day per week.

If you feel you really need to reschedule, call your midwife. Mine was willing to come to the house for my booking appointment on a Saturday morning.

Going forward though, remember you are entitled to be pregnant, you are entitled to time off and you are not in control of appointment dates. Do not feel guilty or apprehensive in work.

Also, check with your employer because pregnancy related illness and time off cannot be used against me in any way.

All the best x

Just tell them you've got a midwife appointment and you won't be in? There's nothing they can do about it.

The main concern is delaying the midwife appointment could delay my 12 week scan - does anyone know if this is the case? Sorry for shameless abuse of AIBU.

Its only shameless if after being told YABU numerous times and that yes it can delay your scan you still insist on explaining to everyone how you couldn’t possibly inconvenience your employers instead of putting your and your baby’s health first.
What exactly was the point in you posting in the first place?

Is reading comprehension generally a problem for you?

To answer your question, it really depends on what your trust does. When I had my second baby recently, it had all changed from when I had my first. There was no midwife appointment available until I was almost 13 weeks so I asked how that would effect my first scan. They asked me additional questions on the phone and I got a letter directly from the hospital with a scan date. I therefore had my scan before my booking in appointment!! Give them a call tomorrow to see what they can do x

This has to be one of the most infuriating threads I’ve ever read!

OP, for Christ’s sake, you’ve been told so many times that you’re protected for maternity appointments and that your employer legally has to give you time off to attend them. You’re being ridiculous. Even the worst employers wouldn’t be stupid enough to attempt to say no.

You’ve said you’ve understood the legal requirement for employers to allow this time off but you’ve repeatedly mentioned this 2 week rule your employer has. It absolutely won’t apply to maternity appointments so is completely irrelevant.

You’re pregnant. Presuming you’ve already declared this to them, they will be anticipating these appointments. It won’t be a surprise to them that you’ll be seeing midwives and having scans. Stop being so silly.

This thread really seems to have attracted irritable people who enjoy throwing their weight around and who cannot read.

I have said that I will be attending, and I have added that they will not make it easy. Right is on my side, and doubtless I will win this particular battle so to speak, but making it into a battle will not do me any favours long term so I would have preferred to avoid that if possible.

It is not possible, fine. But at least see where I have said that. What is really infuriating is when people don’t bother to read updates and come on bellowing indignantly. I really just think ‘calm the fuck down’, to be honest.

What a horrible situation for you OP. It can't be easy to work in an environment like that. You must be very stressed.
To answer your question, yes, your scan will be delayed if you don't attend your booking in appt. Also, just a heads up- I thought the booking in was a bit of a formality and not really needed at that stage. However, mine flagged up some really important and unexpected things that needed to be followed up, so I'm really very glad I went.
Look after yourself!

Thanks @Bronnau . They are always very, very difficult about time off . It is an absolute nightmare getting it and I will not be surprised if I do run into problems with the appointment regardless.

You might be best to clarify with any local people you know who have been pregnant recently… here they do bloods & into at the booking in app, but the 12 week scan referral is made separately; so you could move the appointment and not change the date. I don’t think that’s the case everywhere; though.

She’s also explained that her work will make her life difficult anyway and she was hoping to avoid it, but will be going to the appointment here anyway. Not sure wether you have not read all her posts, or wether you just don’t understand, but it’s you who looks silly if anyone.

Really surprised you’ve had so many angry responses on here OP! Probably would have got more measured responses on the pregnancy board.

Not read full thread but I left calling the doctors a bit late and my midwife did booking in over the phone- can you see if they’ll do that at a different time/take a break from work for the call?

They sound like total arseholes, this kind of stress is the last thing you need right now isn't it. I'm guessing it won't get much easier either, what with having so many midwife checkups in the last trimester. I think Pregnant Then Screwed is a useful tool if you want to take a look at their website, but I do get it that you may only have so much fight in you at the moment.

It would be helpful if she could do the booking in over the phone - my first one was, which was in covid times but it does go to show actually seeing you isn’t necessarily needed. Thank you.

Thanks @SavingKitten - has all gone a bit odd.

Well, over time off they are absolutely arseholes. I don’t think I’m being specifically targeted as such, but the problem is they have a way of presenting things that are completely unreasonable as if they are totally reasonable. So requesting I see the midwife on a day of the week I don’t work sounds superficially reasonable except I can’t do this, but they tend to just keep repeating it.

Its always stressful being off but here I’ve obviously unintentionally made life still more difficult by not getting the stupid form back on time!

I’ve read the OPs many updates, constantly reiterating that work won’t let her have the time off, that she’s not given the required notice, that she’ll have to argue her case.

And even if they let me, it does mark your card rather

that since I did not give the required notice and follow the correct procedure my request for time off will be denied

What I’m asking is if delaying the booking in appointment with midwife delays the first scan.

Thanks - will have to argue my case, then.

The paperwork is absolutely necessary. Without the paperwork on the correct colour of paper given in at the right time permission will NOT be granted

I know the OP has since said she’ll be going to the appointment but only after repeatedly going back and forth over why she wouldn’t be able to despite everyone telling her she absolutely, legally, has to be allowed to go.

OP, someone mentioned checking out pregnant then screwed, I’d recommend that too. If you’re so concerned about taking 1-2 hours off to go to a booking appointment I think you need to check out what your rights are for the rest of your pregnancy. The last thing you need if any additional appointment arise is more stress worrying about what you are and aren’t allowed time off for.

Thanks - will have to argue my case, then.

This quote was her saying she would go to the appointment, at 5.30, the posts since have been explaining they will make life difficult and deny the request, not going backwards and forwards over wether to go.

She started a thread to ask if rearranging the appointment would delay the scan, got told yes, and an hour in said she’d be going after listening to that answer. Yes it’s very frustrating that OPs employers are arseholes who don’t care about pregnancy discrimination, but that’s not really OPs fault, and it’s understandable (to some of us anyway) that she’s going to worry about the battle ahead with them while they are making life difficult once she’s gone to the appointment.